Wouldnt count on it. My stepmom came into the picture when I was in middle school, and I dont think she did a damn thing for me/my brother (life revolved around her own kids and still does, her kids' needs come first for both her and my dad), she may feel differently.

In my own situation, in a conversation we just had last night, I told FDH that I felt like he was never appreciative of all the effort I put into planning activities for SD when she is here. Even if its something free, I took the time to find out about it, or even see how I can get out of work earlier so we can all go.

If daddy isnt even thankful, surely dont expect skids to be. But then again it all depends on the kid. Its just to easy to be an enemy, and one wrong comment and your done for. Its just a lose-lose, even when you do all the work/or even take care of the kid full time like theyre your own. Its really sad.

1. Sometimes.
2. No.
3. Yes.

Expect the worst so you won't be disappointed if you don't get it.

In so many words, you have a better chance of witnessing the earth's total destruction by asteroid than receiving a shred of grattitude from skids.

Once in an EXTREMELY rare case, (like being hit by lighting four times in a row) there is a RARE child who realizes the sacrifices that SM made.

But by nature, skids are encouraged to be self seeking and entitled as they are pitied as "poor children of divorce." (TM)

I think it depends on the kid and the sm/child relationship...

I have 2 step mothers...One I adore...The other...not so much...

I'm constantly telling my step mother (the one I adore) that I love her and appreciate her...She was a big part of my life...

The other one, she was pretty mean and indifferent to us...

I've talked to my stepmother (the one I adore) about how we were as kids, and she said that we were great, respectable kids and made her feel loved...Which I know to be true, because there were too many people (mom...Grandparents) that would have beat us in the street if we were anything but...So it made our relationship great. (My mom caused no drama for my step-moms, ever)...

Now as an adult with a skid, I don't have any expectations...I know whatever I do it'll be ignored, and whatever I don't do it will be called out...It's a losing battle that I don't put any emotion or care into, actually...

Do stepkids ever grow up to realise what their step mums done for them or have been through to stay in their lives??

-everyone is different. Every child is different. Every family is different. It really depends on the child and the person they become when they grow up. I was a horrible step child to my step mom but I did grow up to appreciate her, thank her, adore and love her as a daughter does.

Do BMs every think my children have turned out good because of the step mums involvment??

-Typically no...my BM still has no clue and no appreciation for how awesome my SM was. My OSD's BM I'm sure does not acknowledge any good from me...however my YSD's BM does and that is very special because it is not heard of much at all. I wouldn't count on this one.

Or are we fighting a losing battle for the rest of our lives where we give so much of ourselves but get nothing in return.

It depends on how you look at it. I dont consider it a loosing battle because I am not trying to win anyone's appreciation or approval. I am only trying to be the best wife and SM I can be for MYSELF not for anyone else so as long as I know I have done that then the battle has been won. Perception is key honey....if you find your value in how your SKIDS, DH, or the BM you deal with see's you then you are setting yourself up for misery....try not to do that. You will get things in return if you are open to them....maybe not what you were ideally looking for but sometimes if you have low or no expectations you get unexpected surprises.

I love and respect my SM and everything she did for me. We had many, many, terrible years but we are very close now and have a great relationship. Karma is biting me in the a** for a lot of things I put her through and she's getting the pleasure of witnessing it. We laugh a lot. And, I am very grateful for all that she taught me and tell her often.

The mother of my skids with ex-H thanked me many times for the positive influence I had on her children. She & I couldn't be more different and there were disagreements through the years but she recognized that I cared for the kids.

It happens.

Hell would freeze over before the current BM of my FDH's kids would say anything nice to me. However, she told the GAL that she had no issue with me and thought that I was good for the kids (we were all shocked at that one). That was 18 mths ago and I'm not sure she'd repeat those words given what's transpired since. Oh well. I consider it a compliment that she doesn't like me.

I think it's a losing battle and that most of the time, you will not receive a thank you for helping out your stepkids.

Well, my stepson did, as did I and my two siblings.

I think it depends on the kids, the bioparent and the sparent.

Each one is unique so each situation will be unique.

My SM and I had very little relationship until my second was born, about 9 years ago. Once I got to know her as an adult and began to relate to why she made the decisions she made, I began to understand what happened better. i don't agree with all of them, but at least now I understand why.

She's been in my life since I was 8 - almost as long as my BM. So on mothers day, I send her AND my mother a card.