I have a 19 year old stepdaughter who I have known for 5 years. Through the time I have known her she has maintained a severe attitude of disrespect, entitlement, and hatefulness directed at myself, her syblings, many in her family and others. After reading a lot of the input on this site it appears this is somewhat typical of stepchildren. However, what I find so difficult is there are so many red flags with her but my wife and her family just make so many excuses for her.
She has no real friends. The few she does have always treat her like the 5th wheel and only invite her to things if they need an extra person. The guys she gains the interest of typically haul butt away from her within days when they see how she acts. She went to college, living in a dorm, as a freshman and only made 2 new friends. Both of these friends were completely alienated from her by the end of the year. As I have been married to my wife for awhile the peripheral family friends have become more comfortable with me and shared stories and situations that show me they really don't care for her.
I wish I could find a way to get through to her or at least my wife on the subject but I tend to just make it worse. At this point I have to admit I really just wish my stepdaughter would go away. There are times I feel bad about my feelings but there is no bond, no love, no like, nothing in common and no communication. When she comes home she is just trouble to me and creates more work for my wife and I. Now that my wife and I have a new baby together I am concerned about her sisters behavior in the house and what my child will pickup.
The home is just not even close to what I envisioned for myself when I married which is probably typical also. But instead of a home of respect, hard work, cooperation and love it is more of a home of tenseness, disrespect, hatefulness and laziness.
I have tried to be decisive and strong in the family but for the first time in my life I feel that has actually made the situation worse.
I just feel lost most of the time.