I just checked the date of my last posting and it was August! I had found out that SS27 and his girlfriend/ fiance were announcing that they were having a baby. I couldn't believe the news or DH's attitude towards the "happy news". I thought that he would call SS27 and read him the riot act but he did nothing. Had this been BD22 I would have been all over her- not that she would plan to have a baby without being married. SS's girlfriend PLANNED to get pregnant so her kids would be 3 years apart. She already has one from another man.

DH and I continued to argue about the situation as SS27 wanted our blessing and his girlfriend was demanding us to acknowledge her place in our family. After visiting BD22 in KY for the weekend, I drove home and decided to "divorce" my stepkids. All three of them have big problems- SS27 is bipolar and has trouble holding a job, SD21 doesn't want to work or go to community college, SD17 has not earned any high school credits in over a year and hasn't been in school since Nov. 08. She also has emotional problems, is illiterate and has a 20 year old boyfriend she lives with. We are still paying child support for her.

After I told DH I was going to divorce the stepkids, I began to change alot. Maybe this life crisis or menopause fueled it. I knew DH was in a difficult position and I had never asked him to choose his kids over me but I had seen a pattern over many years of him pacifying his kids and ex- wives but expecting me to understand and be the better person. He also laid this on BD22. He would pay BD to pick up his kids messes rather than make them do it. I decided that I had enough of this BS in my life. I started making a life of my own by making extra money by doing home health visits. I didn't tell DH about it and he assumed that I was having an affair. Eventually he followed me and saw me going into a house and confronted me about it. I told him. I know that I was doing it to rebel against years of feeling like I was last in his life. I knew he loved me but I needed to be #1.

He started going to a psychologist and has made alot of progress. I have gone too but not as much. The psychologist has pointed out to him how he put the kids and his ex's over me and damaged our relationship. We are trying to repair that but the counselor has told us that it may not ever be the same again. We are hopeful and know we won't divorce. The psychologist also told us that allowing an ex- spouse to be put over the present one will always cause the break up of the current marriage.

I guess I knew that but should have put my foot down earlier and not been unhappy for so many years. Now when one of the skids calls with another crisis neither of us react. SS27 will become a dad on March 31st- he and his girlfriend have no place to live, no money or anything for the baby. We have agreed NOT to give them any cash and are staying out of their relationship problems. SD17 will be 18 in a month and the BM knows that her CS will stop. SO life goes on but please fellow posters don't let your situation get to this point. I was ready to leave and would not have looked back.