A couple weekends ago, it was off to a very good start. Girls chose a movie (really SD11 chose the movie) as usual for “movie night.” SD9 snuggled with DP and at a kind of scary part (not really) SD11 asked to sit with me. Which she hasn’t done for months. She stayed the whole time too, even brushed her teeth and got her PJs on with little cajoling. Saturday was great, went out with a friend in the afternoon so I got away from the afternoon chaos. Get back, make tacos for everyone; one of the few things SD11 will actively eat a normal amount of. SD9 had gone too long without food, DP cannot remember to provide snacks for her mid-afternoon, and had a meltdown. Or maybe it was because she stayed up until 10 pm the night before? Not my issue. DP did a good job and completely ignored her for once.

Then Sunday came around. I made pancakes as promised. SD11 ate alone at the table, no biggie. A little later I set the table for DP and I, and as we were eating SD9 comes along and joins us. SD11 had a small fit about how we didn’t eat with HER why with SD9! As DP had no response I simply told her we weren’t hungry that early and SD9 only joined after we had begun breakfast. Then SD11 was frustrated that SD9 had a friend coming over to play and she couldn’t play with SD9. After all this, I reminded DP that we had a storytelling event to go to at 2:00. That I would remind everyone at 1:00 that we’d be leaving in 45 minutes and I would leave at 1:45 with or without whomever. This had been planned since Friday afternoon.

1:15, after other chaos was settled (i.e. DP not understanding that he needed to make lunch for the girls and me explaining what he needed to heat up in the microwave...stunningly SD11 helped), I said in front of DP and SD11, “We have to leave in about 30 minutes.” SD11, “Daddy said it was ok if I didn’t go.” Me, “What?” SD11, smug look. Me: looks at DP in exasperation, stomps upstairs, puts on boots and takes a little walk.

After I get back to the house, I get my things gathered. SD9 and friend no where near ready to go, DP in shower. I shrug, and leave. In parking lot DP calls, “Did you leave already?” Me, “Yes, I said I was leaving at 1:45 whether or not everyone was ready.” DP, “But you didn’t say anything.” Me, “Yes, I told you earlier I was leaving at 1:45 and wouldn’t remind anyone multiple times.” DP, “oh.” Me, “I have to get off the phone now because I am REALLY MAD and just want to get to the event.”

DP arrives about 30 minutes late with SD9 and her friend. DP obviously not in the mood. SD9 sits next to her friend. 5 minutes later, SD9 to DP, “Daaaaddyyyyyy I’m bored.” Me, “OH. MY. GOD. If she’s going to be like that just take her home right now. I don’t want to hear this.” DP, “Give it a few minutes.” 5 minutes later, SD9 comes over again, “Daaaaaaaadddddyyyyyyy I’m bored.” I completely ignore both of them as I am seething. DP makes her stay until the end of the story and then leaves with her. My friend (mother of SD9 friend) is shocked he didn’t make her stay. “She’s not going to learn coping skills!” Me, “Yes, I know. Oh how I know.”
After the event, which I paid for BTW, I went and got myself a book and took myself straight to a restaurant I liked and had dinner, wine AND dessert. Texted DP and told him I would not be home for dinner.

I returned home a few hours later to an almost completely cleaned house. DP looking really anxious about what I was going to tell him. No, DP, I am not leaving you. However, your girls have no coping skills. Me, “SD11 and SD9 know that if she they don’t want to do something, no matter what it is or what the expectations are that all they have to do is refuse to go or to demand to leave. What in the world are you going to do when they skip classes in high school? Or College? Because the teacher/professor/content is boring and not what they want to listen to? Or their friends would be more fun to hang out with?” DP, “But that’s different.” Me, “Absolutely not different. And so you know, I will not ever be arranging something like this again. Period.”

Then I added I would not be making their lunches in the morning. DP asks, “Not ever again?” Me, “I don’t know yet, maybe. Depends on how I feel.” He’s getting it with the small stuff, but needs to realize where in the world are they going to learn about personal responsibility and results of actions if not from himself (BM is in another world entirely so I discount much input she gives them because I think they don’t have any responsibility at BMs house at all either).