but keep in mind that this is what the X wants to have happen. The truth is that you are moving into a very difficult position. It is a rare day when the X is a nice person and puts the needs of their child (or children) first. You will be to blame (although it is not really your fault) for everything and you will have to put up with feeling left out of the loop when their child comes to visit. But you can make it work if you have good communication between you and your fiancee.

On the other hand - keep in mind that you will never have a "normal" life with him. He does have a child with someone else and will have at least a business relationship with that person until child suppport is over (at the very least). She isn't going to disappear and you will bear the brunt of her anger for many years. In the majority of cases, crazy doesn't even accurately describe the X's behavior.

The good news is that, eventually, it does get better - I think that is due to the fact that you just eventually reach a place where you just get sick of it and place less importance on it. My husband and I have been together for many years and it has definitely had its ups and downs. I love him oodles, but I wish with all of my heart that I was the first for everything in his life. He never makes me feel second, but when his kids visit - I just do. We have begun our own family now and it makes it easier, because my kids love me in the way that his kids love him. That may sound selfish (and it probably is), but he pays more attention to us now and that makes all of the difference in our relationship. It is definitely an adjustment for his kids, but it is important for them to realize that our lives don't revolve around them and they need to learn to fit in with our family - not our family change for them...

In any case - we have all had different experiences...and yours will be different than any of ours. Whatever you read about our experiences, you will never fully understand what you will be experiencing until you go through it yourself. This blog is a great place to vent, but I also think that you should also talk to people who aren't jaded (like veteran step mothers) or personally involved (like family and friends) to figure out for yourself if this is right for you. If it is right - things will work out in time, but not overnight... If you really believe that you can't handle it though - don't stay in it.

I can relate to your story with the biomom. I had resentment about the ex getting pregnant after only dating a short while. It doesn't bother me as much anymore. It just took time. I still think that she is lacking in the moral department but that's just my opinion.

Anyway, it is tough and the road is very rough. Early on in the relationship with my husband I cried a lot!! He was always understanding and we made it through. It wasn't and sometimes still isn't easy. I just keep on plowing through.

It is your decision. Keep on venting here. It has helped me because my family can't really relate to what I go through either.

Dawn

The girl got pregnant the same day they met. I guess I felt like it would have been better if they had a relationship. I was angry that a one night stand could rearrange my whole life. In the beginning I had NO Clue what I had gotten myself into. I met my soul mate and although I wasn't crazy about the thought of being a stepmother I figured how hard could it possibly be. We only have him two weekends out of the month and he is a good little guy. The only problem is that the kid wasn't hard to accept its the crap that the mom has put us through. But it bothered me even more after we got married and she had his child and I was his wife and we did not share that special bond yet. We now have a beautiful baby boy together and it has given me validation and peace. I no longer feel like the third party in his family.