Speaking of things that can't be unsaid....
DH still hasn't made up his mind what he is going to do with SD11. He is going over all his legal options with his attorney. Like many of you, he doesn't think sending her back to BM is the answer. However, he needed to let a few things out. Apparently, he had a long talk with SD11 on the 900 mile drive back to BM's home state. He didn't want to tell me until I joined him in the home state. SD11 said some things to him that were extremely hurtful. These weren't said in anger like before. He told me that they were both completely calm. He asked her to explain to him why she hated living with us so much. She couldn't give him an answer, but she said something that brought my DH to tears. She said, "I really do hate you. I meant that. I wouldn't be sad if you died in a car accident." She also told him she loves her SF more than him and wishes he would just let SF adopt her.
My DH told me that he didn't speak to her the rest of the way after she said that. I really think that she needs some psychological help. It isn't normal to wish death on someone, especially your own father. She is really angry and she really believes all the crap that BM has been spoon feeding her. I think she needs counseling badly, but I can't help but wonder if she has been PASd too long.
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What a horrible thing for her
What a horrible thing for her to say to him. I'm sorry for your DH. I'm sorry for whatever is hurting your SD so badly to be so awful to her father.
Sounds like time to let
Sounds like time to let go...Unfortunately, we had to do that with SD19 when she was 13. We had to stop fighting. She hated us and was so angry. She was making the whole house angry. Sounds horrible, but the best thing we did for all of us was to stop fighting it and let her live with BM. You will lose in court. Don't waste the money. Save it for when she comes back. Ours has come back a couple times and since she is so damaged now that she is no longer welcome in my home. She may change someday and we will try again, but for now, that much venom is not a part of our lives. DH sees her every once in awhile for dinner. That is enough for him. Good luck because it sucks.
The consequences for her
The consequences for her words should be that your DH walks away from her now. Maybe one day she will regret saying that to him, maybe she won't, but you and your DH cannot continue to struggle with this girl. Time to let go and give your family peace! Bet the other children with thrive!!
i WISHED my father dead when
i WISHED my father dead when i was 12. I did. And he died in a car accident very shortly after that and you can just imagine how long it has taken me to get over that.
IS BM working? Or is she just existing without your DH"s child support? Is she really ramping up her PAS to get at least half of the child support back?
My SD said something very
My SD said something very similar to my DH when she was the same age. It happened within the first year of the divorce. They were having a calm talk and she said she hoped he would die so she could dance on his grave. It hurt him to the core.
She was PAS'd before the divorce ever happened - the family dynamic was very dysfunctional. After and during the divorce, BM shared all of her troubles with SD as if they were friends. SD was very protective of BM and blamed DH for everything.
SD was not and is not mentally ill. She did actively hate her Dad for several years. She said it to hurt her Dad. I also think she may have really thought that if he was dead her mom would feel better.
SD is now 19 and she and DH have a distant relationship. I don't think DH every really got over what she said.
oh my god your poor
oh my god your poor hubby...
i've heard of kids saying that in a moment of anger, but never in such a cold, emotionless, calculated way.
but a part of me wonders if she was TRYING to hurt him so she could get her way?