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Apparently my heartbreak is a cause for celebration

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 5:57am

In my last blog, I wrote about how DH and I just found out that we were expecting our first us baby. We were both so excited. Unfortunately, I miscarried last week on Tuesday. I knew it was a possibility because my HCG levels were not rising. We had been watching the levels for two weeks. It was still really hard. My miscarriage was confirmed with a final ultrasound and beta testing on Friday.

I hadn't really told anyone about the pregnancy except my best friend and my sister. I figured that my sister would tell my mom, and she did. Well my mom and DH's mom are friends. We haven't spoken to my MIL in several months after her outburst at our house. Apparently, my mom felt that she needed to tell MIL that DH and I had experienced a loss. She claims it was because she hoped that MIL would pull her head out of her a** and stop treating my DH like crap. I am pissed at her for this, but that is another blog.

What I can't wrap my head around is the fact that MIL told my mom that she already knew that I miscarried. And, get this: She heard it from BM!!! I am not sure how BM would know, as we didn't tell the kids. And even if SD10 knew about it, she doesn't talk to BM.

Yep, apparently BM broke the news of my miscarriage to MIL. She was bragging about how I couldn't even give my DH a kid and how "broken" I am.

I know that it is no use, but I am so furious about this. This miscarriage was really heartbreaking for us and now it is being spread all over by BM. The whole thing just pisses me off. I have come to realize that DH and I will never get any peace.

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 6:10am

sending you hugs my friend - I was wondering how you are doing..... hope you get closure Hon

but I'm beyond furious.... either MIL is talking crap and told BM herself about the pregnancy, or miscarriage and BM simply said - yeah I knew it she's bad mother and can not have children, I'm the only one with GU and I gave DH his kids..... now MIL is spinning it otherwise cause the hag knows if DH finds out she has contact with BM its bey bey forever.

Then I'm also pissed at your mother, why did she think MIL needed to know dammit, if you wanted MIL to know DH would've told her, tell your mother to stop gossiping about you in the future.

I would make sure SD10 does not have communications with BM - seems like there's a mole in your house Hon...

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 6:57am

I think you must be right. MIL must be making this up. As far as we know, SD10 hasn't spoken to SD12 or BM. She has no contact with either of them. BM has lost all rights to SD10. SD12 will not speak to DH or SD10. She told him that she hated him.

I thought about the possibility that SD10 is still talking to BM behind our backs. It must be at school, if it is happening. We a key logger on our computers and her tablet has no browsing or messaging.

I wouldn't put it past MIL to say that BM is stirring up trouble. She is hoping to prompt a reaction from DH. He has refused to contact her and she has no way of contacting us. We even changed our phone number.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 6:54am

DH would put MIL in her place. I have asked him not to engage her. Honestly, she thrives on the drama. He hasn't spoken to her since her outburst at our house. He told her that she is not welcome in our lives until she apologizes and learns that she has no say in our home or the parenting of SD10. And yes, we are in counseling.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 6:35am

Oh no. I'm so sorry for your loss. I've browsed your blogs and I believe u are a very brave woman marrying into what u did. I think the only thing u can do is accept bm for the idiot that she is and just try to let it go. Hang in there lady.

Salems Lot's picture

Submitted by Salems Lot on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:38am

"HUGS"

robin333's picture

Submitted by robin333 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:41am

I'm sorry Confused. MIL sounds like a miserable soul that enjoys the pain of anyone not in her court. For that, she gets to associate with assholes such as BM.

I would feel betrayed by my mom. I understand her intentions but you may need to be either cautious with what you share or clear about what is not to be repeated.

Hugs.

clark6292's picture

Submitted by clark6292 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 10:07pm

robin333 says it best. Your BM and MIL are not "inside" your marriage and somehow they think they are. And SD's BM definitely isn't inside your marriage. They are ALL outsiders. Aren't you tired of having all of these impostures in bed with you and DH influencing your moods and decisions? I think you need to stop sharing personal husband and wife information to everyone but DH. It sounds like it will make your marriage stronger- and hurt you less. Your mom is not necessarily the problem, but she isn't part of the solution either. Remember that. Blessings to you and your family while you grieve and heal.

Thumper's picture

Submitted by Thumper on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:53am

I am sorry that you lost your baby it is very sad. Sad I lost a few too.

A nurse suggested to me to lovingly pick a name and write the approx date of conception, approx due date and then the date of our loss inside our family bible. And I did. This was a comfort to me to acknowledge all of my children who I never held in my arms. Sad They live in the deepest softest part of my heart, always.

Completely puzzled, you will never forget your sweet baby. Again I am so sorry.

-------------------
Now to the feeling of being violated (my words based on my experience in this awful area)....I understand this feeling all too well. Your husbands ex's comment is her ugly mean journey in this world and SHE must own her hateful words.

Secure the wall around your heart and home the best way that you can. And be very selective of whom you share any info with. That includes those persons you share dna with.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:59am

everyone is entitled to express their opinions. my opinion is that is a total effing jackass thing to say when OP is in very obvious deep pain at her loss. you could have saved it for another time.

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 8:02am

No kidding. I have to honestly wonder what is wrong with someone who takes such joy out of trying to hurt others and stir up trouble. How pathetically sad that they would need to join a group on the internet to purposely seek out others to hurt and argue with. How empty and dark does your soul need to be. How sad that persons real life must be.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 8:12am

That post was heartless, and tasteless indeed...sounds like MIL of OP may be writing in here...lol.

Tuff Noogies's picture

Submitted by Tuff Noogies on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 8:38am

your point is understood and your feelings about sd12 are strong. but your timing of your choosing to bluntly bring it up is $#!tty and very hurtful. have some compassion for the OP.

DarkStar's picture

Submitted by DarkStar on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 11:39am

Knock it off, troll. Go find some baby seals to club or whatever it is you do when you not spouting mean things on the interwebs.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 8:37am

Your opinion is noted, Hashtag. But I will choose to do what I do with most trolls on the internet, and ignore it. I am not going to argue with you as I know that is what you want. You are more than free to have an opinion. And, I am entitled to write it off.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 1:42pm

In my experience, people who hide behind honesty as a means to be cruel are the most miserable themselves. I don't know what your deal is hashtag, but I hope whatever it is that triggers this behavior works out in your favor. And I hope when it does you have the humility to admit when you've made mistakes. And I hope even more people can find it in their hearts to give you the benefit of the doubt. But this behavior, it's not acceptable or okay. It's also not the truth so don't kid yourself girlfriend. You're hurting and misery loves company. I suggest you work in that before dolling out any more advice.

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:59am

I am very sorry for your loss. I had an ectopic pregnancy the first time around and it was heart breaking. The world is full of miserable people, I am sorry that anyone could get joy out of a loss like that.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 7:59am

I am sorry for you and your family's lose. As for BM just know she is only bragging about how "broken" you are to make herself feel better and for someone to use something like that as a self esteem boost she must be really really low.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

Submitted by CompletelyPuzzled on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 8:40am

Thank you everyone for your thoughts. I agree that MIL probably made this up. As far as the rest, I am just taking it one day at a time.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 9:40am

Hugs to you and Dh. I'm so sorry .

I'm also sorry you have a heartless b*tch crashing your sad news here. First your MIL/BM and now a cyberspace loony.

Peridwen's picture

Submitted by Peridwen on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 11:28am

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you and your DH.

I know a pig farm that's way out in the middle of nowhere, if there's any, um, waste you need to be rid of. }:) ETA: by which I meant MIL - GIANT loads of SORRY if you didn't get that part!!!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 11:11am

I am so sorry you are going through this. You have to ignore BM, she is obviously a miserable person. Anyone that takes joy in the sorrow of a baby lost is horrible person and there is a special place in hell for her.

mommadukes2015's picture

Submitted by mommadukes2015 on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 12:59pm

I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Unfortunately it's something I'm all too familiar with. I had a similar situation with my ex. He was seeing one of his ex's off and on when we started dating. When we became more serious he stopped talking to his ex. Fast forward a few years, I had a miscarriage and his ex somehow got wind of it and decided to tell him she had a miscarriage too when they were together. It took 3 birth control pills to abort it. She texted him this one night I'm assuming for attention. It made me furious. I was so mad that she was trying to use a very real, very painful and traumatic experience that I was actually dealing with to get attention. Even more unfortunately there isn't a real outlet for that anger because what can you really do? The sting wears off eventually but there's a special place in hell for people who get their jollies riding the coat tails of ther people's real pain. BM must have a pretty miserable existence herself if this is how she acts toward another human being. Feel free to point that out to her if you get the chance.

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 1:03pm

I'm so sorry for your loss.

There is a special place in hell for your MIL, and she will be joining mine as well.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Tue, 11/22/2016 - 9:18pm

Im so very sorry for your loss. Ignore the whores..they are sad, pathetic losers.

As for hashtag..I think shes a bitter, cranky, vindictive trouble making hag..who needs WD40 to clean out the cobwebs..chilli shoved down her throat to cure her vicious tongue and intense counselling.

Obviously has daddy abandonment issues and hates stepmoms everywhere. Either that..or she is a 12 year old SD with a bitter axe to grind. Just so immature and toxic. Ignore..delete and laugh at her pathetic attempts to get a rise out of you. She aint worth it.