Hey you! Chin up! I feel bad for you. Men NEVER know how to react in these situations. Don't be fooled, dh knows exactly what day it is today. He's wallowing in his own hurt too. I think you should give each other a big hug and say I love you. If he doesn't want to adopt, that's something you can't force anyone into doing. How about fostering? Or, keep trying. I know this is getting personal, but were you under any kind of stress when you miscarried? Stress can be a very hateful things and do nasty things to our bodies. Anyway....(((hugs to you))).

Hi BrightSide,
I'm sorry you're hurting. I'm sorry that you can't share the hurt with your partner to ease the pain a bit. I don't know what to say but my heart goes out to you. I can't empathize completely, but I imagine it's like losing a loved one, even if your babies' lives were little specks of time. They still were and that's what is hurtful, that they are no longer. I'm sending you good vibes, warm thoughts, and lots of love, wherever you are.

Joanna

when i miscarried right before getting pregnant with bd3, i was an emotional wreck. every person who had a child became my secret enemy, i was so jealous. bf was not supportive either. he had gone through the same thing with bm right before she got preggers with sd11. and the story with that one was he cried like a baby. with mine, he just didnt show any emotion at all, hence strengthening my resentment to bm.

i am so sorry u have to deal with this.

Oh my dear I'm so sorry. Days like today are so difficult that no one should ever have to bear them.

I've been through it myself with the ups and downs of pregnancy. I miscarried twice before DH and I had our daughter, and in my previous marriage I miscarried three other times. I never thought when we found out I was pregnant with BD 2 that she would make it. It's such a somber feeling to find out that you are pregnant after going through all of that.......it's almost a feeling of "great, here we go again, my heart can't take this another time". And all the emotions come out, the horomones, and our poor husbands have no idea how to react.

I have a theory with this. My husband loves our daughter very much. But I loved her first! LOL! Seriously, he did not connect with her until she was born. How could he, honestly? He had no way to feel her, know her, see her, nothing. He just knew of her. He was there for every single appt. He loved seeing her on the ultrasound, etc. He didn't miss a thing and loved every moment of it.......but he didn't know the kind of love I felt for her until the first time he laid eyes on her. Does that make any sense?

When I miscarried it was horrible. We fought all the time. We had our worst fight ever the day we found out. I felt like I had failed him, like he had failed me. Another somber moment was when the thought went through my head of "well you just don't care because you already have your two daughters, you could care less about having one with me, only the x!" I couldn't help but think it. The way he carried on with everyday life as if nothing had happned. My whole world fell apart and he didn't flinch.

I'm sure that my sweet husband had emotions. I'm willing to bet that he found himself up late at night after we were all in bed and cried his eyes out over our lost child. I know him well enough (now) to know that he grieved, if I saw it or not, he grieved. And for him to carry on with everyday life, he had no option. He didn't know what else to do. He wanted to help me to heal, he had to work, he had to still see the skids, etc. He didn't know that I wanted to just do nothing but cry, because I didn't tell him. I played along, I was a ghost through the motions of everyday life.

I remember I called my mom just in hysterics. She told me to calm down and she told me a story of the child she lost. I had never known......just writing this has me in tears girl! My mom understood how I felt, she talked to me, she soothed me. I was morning a child when everyone else in the world was living their lives. How can that be?

Honey I know how you feel, I know the emotional roller coaster you are on.

You are not alone in your feelings. So many women have been through this......and the feelings don't get easier to know that, and I understand that, but knowing that others support you through this may help.

Allow yourself that time to grieve. You lost a child. Of course you are going to grieve. I don't understand why people think it's any less to have a miscarriage than it is to lose a child after birth? The only difference, IMO, is that when you get your miracle child you'll hold her/him so close to you that you may smother them!

((hugs)) I hope you have a peaceful weekend and I'm going to keep you in my prayers.

(((HUGS))) firstly.

To echo what stepmomjen said, women become a mother when they find out they're pregnant, men become a father when a baby is put into their arms. You have every right to mourn today, and if your DH isn't supportive you've got us on here, and hopefully a close friend you can call.

My thoughts & prayers are with you x

Nothing to add but more hugs. I can't imagine what you're going thru so I won't try to say anything profound other than...

I recognize you today, and hold you in my heart.

Brightside - I am so sorry to read your pain... I can feel it through your blog and just wish I could be there to comfort you, let you cry.

I just wanted to add that I hope that you can confide and lean on your husband eventually about this.

Recently, my husband and I have been going through some stresses. I have been crying a lot and I had asked him why he doesn't care. He doesn't seem to acknowledge my fears.

He told me that he has the same fears and hurts that I do, but he cannot let himself acknowledge them to me because then I'll be even more worried or upset. So he is "being strong", when really I wanted him to let me know I wasn't alone in my worry.

Your husband's detachment may not be his lack of caring for you. It may be all he knows how to do to keep it together for you...

You are not alone. We are all here with you.... sending hugs and love your way... and grieving your loss. I'm sorry.

*** A rainbow just threw up on me... and now I'm sh*tting glitter! ***

I'm so sorry you are going through this alone. But really, you have us.... HUGS to you on this day!

I'm sorry that you have to go through this without his support. I hope it helps to have this place to come to for support. I wish you all the best and hope that things look up soon.

Sending postive energy your way. I can't imagine the sadness and loss you must feel. All I can offer is empathy and the support of knowing there are people out here who care.

BrightSide, I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I will be in your shoes soon. I lost our baby #2 on 12/17 last year. I'm not looking forward to that day either. I know it is going to be difficult, to say the least. After I miscarried, I cried and cried for days, weeks, months, off an on. Everytime I would think of the baby, the tears flowed. I'm not sure of your age or circumstances, but why not try again? There really is hope. You don't have to commit yourself to a life without kids of your own. Again, I'm not sure of your circumstances, but if there is a chance, I say take it. We were so scared to try again after that. We lost the baby at 20 weeks. It was horrible. But we tried again and are due in March. It can happen!

I think you should tell your husband that you need him today. Let him know how you are feeling. I'm sure he will make you feel better just because he loves you.

I am sorry for your loss. I too experience the pain of a life ending before it ever begun. My husband doesn't ever remember it either, but I always talk to him about the way I am feeling on the anniversary of that loss.

I think they don't feel the loss as we do because they didn't experience that life inside of themselves as we do. My husband is very loving when I express my grief. I'm sure your husband will be too.