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Hope and being honest with myself

Clipper's picture

Submitted by Clipper on Mon, 05/13/2019 - 12:26pm

Thank you all for your comments.  I just found this site today after three years keep all of these thoughts and feelings to myself and not wanting to share with family who would have said "I told you so." I thus went to the internet and found out that this is a huge problem in second marriages. 

  It is such a relief to realize I am not alone.  I was beating myself saying "why can't I turn the other cheek?"  I believe that I will get a second place like a studio and when I need time to decompress I can go there and yes my son would be more willing to visit his Dad.  

With this second place if we ever had another horrible argument over the SC, she can say get your stuff and move out and where would I be.  Thus I believe to protect myself and sanity I will need an exit strategy.

Comments

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Mon, 05/13/2019 - 12:41pm

I think that is a very wise decision and believe your life will take a sudden turn for the better!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Mon, 05/13/2019 - 5:55pm

So not worth it! I beat myself up for almost 5 years, but disengagement saved me.

No one but another step parent understands what we go through. Last night I was having a nice discussion about STep life, with someone who had been as she describes a "rotten step kid". And it turned into a not so nice discussion. Because she is a bio mother, with a history of being a bratty step kid. UG. People sometimes just have no clue.

Welcome - you are not alone!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Tue, 05/14/2019 - 5:23pm

Once I disengaged, it was like a huge burden floated off of my shoulders.

Dishes not done? "Sweetie, could you wash your dishes please?"

Dont spend a dime on the bratolas.

Address directly the disrespect. "hello. I am speaking to you." But do this when SO is in the room, because it can be denied by bratolas later. Their word against yours, and then its all about "choosing your partner over your children." Trust me - ugly stuff, so get witnesses.

Get your own place (youve got to get away! That will teach SO that you mean business.) Spend your time and money on yourself and your bio.

They arent your kids and they arent your problem. Its the parents problem.

Clipper's picture

Submitted by Clipper on Thu, 05/16/2019 - 3:34pm

I am starting to disengage financially I pick up only after myself in the house I'm not running errands for the kids if they want something from the store they get it themselves and I'm spending more money on my son. Why it took me 3 years to wake up I don't know but I was trying but after being slapped in the face people ignoring you is if you're not in the room and the fool did they eating on the table in the cable TV is all being paid with your money driving your car I just had enough I totally agree with you! Thank you