I would take the gifts back. He can't go to his grandma's funeral or spend holiday time with his dad? Whoops. We forgot to get you gifts!!

Time for DH to drag the kid to visitation every time and collect his cell phone as soon as the kid gets in the car not to be returned until BM comes to pick up the Skid. There are laws against CPs interfering with visitation. FDH needs to keep BMs nose nailed to the wall on this one IMHO.

My philosophy is to never give the kid the choice of visitation. Visitation belongs to the NCP not to the CP or the kid. Also, your FDH needs to give BM absolute clarity that if she in any way interferes with his visitation he will beat her ass in court every time.

If the kid is a PITA during visitation, FDH should put him in an empty room writing sentences about how he will not misbehave while at dad's house, etc...... until he extricates his head from his ass and straightens up and flies right. Visitation can be a pleasure or totally miserable. That is up the kid and how he behaves.

The key for this to work is for FDH stay consistent and not cave to guilt parenting or to give the X a break. No breaks and no waffling .... ever.

We learned that every time we tried to be nice to the SpermClan and not hold them strictly to the custody/visitation/support judgment they would push and push and push for more and get increasingly demanding and difficult in their requests.

So, they tought us not to put up with any crap from them. We learned the same lesson with the behavior of my SS-18 when he was experiencing pre visitation cranio-rectitis and during post visitation detox. Our rules are our rules and in our house he follows our rules regardless of what toothless moron toxic crap flies in SpermLand.

Your FDH needs to provide BM and the Skid with absolute clarity on this. IMHO.

Good luck.

Happened to us around that age. If your dh wants a relationship with his kid then he should NOT stop visits. Each weekend that it is his visit, dh needs to show up to pick up ss. Document each time she doesn't allow him to go then take her to court for contempt. Chances are if he shows up she won't not let him go. And if she does then document. Keep notes, take a witness to verify he was there for pickup, etc. As for the gifts, this happened to us. We ended up keeping his gifts 'til he came back'. We kept them 2 Christmases before we finally gave them away. Looking back, I wish I could have returned them. I would return them if I were you and when ss comes again don't even mention Christmas or gifts. If he asks then remind him he didn't want to come for Christmas. If he isn't there for Christmas then he misses out on all hinge Christmas- traditions, family, and gifts. And no, do not give him cash. Do not give him anything.

My Skids didn't come to my Mom's wake or funeral services either. They were asked to take part in the services also, as she loved them dearly. They have to live with their choices.

We have purchased Savings Bonds for birthdays and Christmas, along with making donations to childrens charities in their names. The reason for this is they're dated each year.

My FIL was recently given 6 months or less. Bm knows and kids know this yet still refuse to come visit him. Again they'll have to live with their choices.

I feel they need to know even though they've made a choice not to visit with us or family members. We still think of them. Their stockings are hung every year, pictures displayed.

Sooner or later, they're going to show up at our doorstep either with or without the police and it's important that even though they treat us like trash, we've still thought of them. Again they will have to live with choices they've made.

I blame their BM for the choices they're making and sooner or later it's going to blow up in her face.

We try Hs. It has been difficult, but you have to realize these are children being put into adult situations they've never asked to be involved in. The divorce tore their entire world as they knew it into pieces.