No babies for Charly
DH is quite a bit older than me. I am still in my 20's and I would like to have a child with DH. Not right now, we have a lot of financial stuff going on in our lives, but eventually, before I'm 30, I would like to have one child together.
He told me that he would not consider having a baby with me until I work harder at my relationship with SD4. He said "why would I want to have a baby with someone who can't get along with a 4 year old" I have bio kids. Twin boys actually, I am a great mother. We have had some challenges with SD4, most of which are DH'S fault because he thinks SD4 is a princess and I do not.
So, either I treat SD4 as a princess so I can get my baby with DH. Or I continue to expect SD4 to be parented and no babies for Charly...
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Comments
My guess is he doesn't want
My guess is he doesn't want more kids but is just saying that to put you off. Get along great with SD and there'll be another reason.
I mean, I think you know and I know that that excuse is BS.
Yeah I'm sure it is, just
Yeah I'm sure it is, just wish he wouldn't have brought SD into it, like that would help our relationship grow....
Yes, he said he was open to
Yes, he said he was open to it. I told him if we were going to have a baby, I wanted to before I was 30. He agreed that was a good time line and said we would continue discussing it as time went on. I've brought it up a couple of times making sure he hasn't closed the door, and last night he gave me the above response..
My dealbreaker was when SO
My dealbreaker was when SO told me he didn't want kids. He basically said he could see how our relationship could continue and so I said its time for you to move.
We broke up for a month and he changed his mind. Basically what I'm saying is that there are those of us who really stick to our guns and whether it works out or not with your SO, the idea is that you need to think of what you want out of a relationship. If you aren't gong to get it, time to move on.
Your SO is making excuses. I promise the older he gets, the less likely he will want to have kids and he will come up with another excuse. Either he wants children or he doesn't.
Here were the ones I heard from my SO.
- my kids are practically raised (they were 12 and 9 at the time). I did the raising children thing already.
- its not fair to them for me to have more children (his own guilt, nothing to do with them)
Perhaps you should look at it
Perhaps you should look at it another way... why would you want to have a child with a man who isn't parenting his current child properly (in your opinion)?
I hate to say this but she is
I hate to say this but she is 4? And he is like this about her? You got a long way to go. I understand what it is like to want to have his baby, believe me I do understand, but it is obvious from this entry that you guys differ on thought processes when it comes to children...so maybe this time the old adage stands that sometimes things happen for a reason...
I don't think it's a deal
I don't think it's a deal breaker for me. I have my boys, and as much as I would love to share that experience with my DH, maybe it's just not in the cards for us.
Well, good luck with that.
Well, good luck with that. Eventually you will tire of him putting all the blame on you. This little girl is only going to get worse as she gets older. Been there.
Oh I agree with you, and I'm
Oh I agree with you, and I'm not okay with that situation, I just meant that not having kids with DH is not a deal breaker. His lack of parenting and princess syndrome towards SD, now that might be a deal breaker.
Good! SO and I were on the
Good! SO and I were on the verge twice of splitting up when I pushed him to parent his brat. He tried, failed, but still he tried.
Your hubby should realise
Your hubby should realise that if he "forces" things then it will just get worse, my sd6 used to act like a spolt whiney little sod, my fdh just didn't know how to parent her, now Im not a bm, but I've been a step mum before to 2 kids for 8 yrs and I loved them so much, but I did'nt put up with any crap, when children detect weakness they will manipulate to their own ends, perhaps if you felt more respected by them both you would try harder, why should you otherwise?
this is exactly what I was
this is exactly what I was thinking... that statement your DH made would have elevated my resentment level of an already strained relationship to an off the charts mark.
Brilliant move DH....
If he's anything like my SO -
If he's anything like my SO - that's an excuse. Luckily for you, you have two beautiful children already. Screw him and his comments about SD4. But again, I think he's using "the issues" as his bailout.
His question is really off
His question is really off putting to me. Getting along takes two people and if its a child, then also the bio parent(s). Why would I have a child who can't get along with a 4 year old? Well, because this would be MY child. Not someone else's brat who doesn't get controlled properly.
He would have really pissed me off with that one.
I agree with THATGIRL
"Perhaps you should look at it another way... why would you want to have a child with a man who isn't parenting his current child properly (in your opinion)?"
If my husband told me my
If my husband told me my chances of being a mother (for the first time or for the second time) were dependent on a relationship with a child over whom I had no authority, I'd run for the hills. Its something you can't accomplish without her cooperation and without his ability to share values. I don't have a great relationship with my sd. She is a mini-BM, but dh recognizes I am a wonderful mommy to our son.
I did tell him that he had to
I did tell him that he had to help facilitate my relationship with sd4, and tried to explain that he had a role in that, he disagrees and says it's all on my because I am the adult in the relationship.
He wants me to see her the way he does and let her walk all over me, I refuse to do that...
Typical. You get all the
Typical. You get all the blame because he doesn't want to do anything and his excuse is that you are the adult. Gosh I don't think any of us have heard that one before :sarcasm:
Time to stand up for yourself. You may not like his response, but the alternative is unhappiness.
Very!
Very!