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I'll trade you a banana for a hug

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:37pm

I have continued to think about DH'S comments about not being willing to have a baby with me right now because SD4 and I don't have such a great relationship. I want our home to be a happy home. Part of me wants to attempt to make the relationship better to see if that really is the reason DH won't consider a baby with me, or if that was just an excuse. So I once again, gave it another attempt.

I made her breakfast before I left for work (usually DH does this) She said 2 words to me, thank you (After I prompted her) and bye. Then I noticed we had some banana's that needed to be eaten or they would be trashed in the next day or so. So I cut up a banana for her. Before I sat it on her plate, I heard DH coming down the stairs }:) so I told her I would give her the banana if she gave me a hug. Yep I manipulated a 4 year old to make me look good in front of DH.

He smiled, puffed out his chest as if he had scolded me and made me see the error of my ways, he was quite pleased with himself. I giggled and made a mental note to keep the house stocked with bananas!

Comments

overworkedmom's picture

Submitted by overworkedmom on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:40pm

Hahaha! That is too funny.

IMHO I would like to add that trying to make things positive between you and a 4 yr old will be a lot easier than when she is 10 and you have other children. Try to make it work with her, she is young and you have a chance at a good relationship. Just be careful about having a baby if he is not 100% on board....

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:44pm

I agree, I want things to be positive, but he has GOT to help me make this relationsip grow. That or this kid is going to eat so many bananas she's going to think she's a monkey.

Also, I would never ever have a baby with him if he wasn't 100% on board.

WickedStepMom18's picture

Submitted by WickedStepMom18 on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:43pm

I don't want to be a Debbie Downer... and I guess my situation is seeping through with my words... I don't feel you should have to PROVE anything to your husband for him to want to have a child with you. I have been "trying" this for 10 years. And I've wasted the last 10 years of my life thinking one thing when SO was planning something else... I am jaded. Sorry - ignore me and my pity party!!

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:45pm

I don't think I have to prove anything either. I have twin boys, and I have shown that I am a great mom to them! I just want to see if he used my relationship with SD as an excuse for not wanting babies...

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 12:47pm

Oh, you are much better than I. Kudos to you for "being the adult" as my DH would say.

The last time skids were over, I went upstairs one morning to tell DH that BS2 and I were leaving to go shopping. He asked if the skids had been out of their room at all. I said yes, there were in the kitchen at one point. DH asked if I said anything to them. I said "um no, was I suposed to"? He said that I could have/should have just made small talk like "Oh, good morning, are you enjoying your spring break?" I just looked at him like he had twelve heads.

I refuse to be his little Stepford Step Mom, I refuse to be told what I should or shouldn't say and live in MY home feeling like when skids are there everything I do and or say is being critiqued by DH. NOT going to happen.

12yrstepmonster's picture

Submitted by 12yrstepmonster on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 1:06pm

I say kudos for trying to build a relationship.

I would suggest to incorporate her into your ways. My ss used to go grocery shopping with me, work in the yard, etc. When I quit fighting the BM and allowed het control into my home, I lost SS. I fell into the trap of:
They don't want to come to your home
You don't incorporate their feelings into your plans and ideas.
You dont listen to them

I disengaged and so did he.

Charly's picture

Submitted by Charly on Wed, 05/09/2012 - 2:07pm

Pixie, you just added an element to this whole thing I hadn't thought of. BM was a shitty mom to her first two kids and DH gave her a third?? Now I have to prove myself before I can have one even though I am a great mom to my boys and a great step mom to 2 out 3 of his kids?? I have tried to be great with SD, but he has her on a freakin pedastool that not even fairy godmother could live up to his expectations. I hadn't really thought of it that way...

I am going to keep trying with SD. 95% of mine and DH's arguments revolve around SD. It's driving me crazy, I've got to do something. I need to be able to look myself in the mirror and say I am doing everything I possibly can to make this work, and if it's still not working, DH and I will have a come to Jesus talk. Which is exactly what I think will happen because no one is good enough for princess..