Gold star for my behavior!

Yesterday I traded SD a banana for a hug. Dh saw it and it was good.

Last night SD picked some of my planted flowers and brought them to me, I smiled (while gritting my teeth) and said "thank you", DH saw it and it was good.

I helped SD into her pj's last night. Dh saw it and it was good.

I traded another banana for a hug AND a high five this morning. Dh saw it, and it was good.

DH sat back and looked at all he had "created" The home was happy, he liked what he saw, and it was good. DH is man, hear him roar.

DH of course thinks this is all his doing. He thinks that I am a new woman after he "set me straight" When in reality, I want things to go well, I had put some space between SD and I because when I try to discipline or correct her behavior, he runs to her defense and I'm the evil step mother and she's poor poor Cinderella..

So after his "You must have a better relationship with my daughter before I would consider having a baby with you" comment, I decided to give it all I've got. SD hasn't had a meltdown yet. I haven't had to correct her on something yet, it's all been roses and unicorns the past 2 days. I am doing everything I can to try and build a relationship with SD, but I know it's only a matter of time that we have a situation where SD needs to be disciplined, DH won't do it, and I'm gonna say "Now why would I wanna have a baby with someone like you!"

I still believe the comment was an excuse. I don't know why...

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Wait, we are supposed to feed

Wait, we are supposed to feed them?? CRAP!!

LOVE THIS! Also love your

LOVE THIS! Also love your name...(dog person)

Maybe he doesn't want another

Maybe he doesn't want another princess???

I went through this, DH and I share no children, BM apparently was good enough to have 2 children with.
I have 2 children of my own prior to DH. DH says he adores my children and they are so well behaved.
But I am not good enough to have a child with.... why?

When we got together, the idea of having an other child for me was yes and for him was maybe. That was good enough. Then we got married. The excuese came out.

I never said yes for certain.
We dont' have enough room.
Its too much work.
We are too old. (36\38 when that started, now 38\40)

Then it hit me. DH ditches his kids on me non stop. He avoids alone time with his own kids like the plauge. I am made to feel guilty if I try to enforce some bio parent to kid time. And he is at a total loss as to what to do about SS6 so he just plays ostrich instead of finding out if something other than lack of parenting is truely wrong.

Once during our lets have a baby discussions, DH said, would you be happy if we had one like SS6. My first thoughts were - NO but we never will.

DH can barely manage the kids he has. From what DH has told me, he never wanted kids, neither did BM, the first was not supposed to happen, BM was supposed to be sterile and #2 was BM openly telling DH she got pregnant to trap him. His experiences with pregnancy and children have not been good.

Its not me, its DH - he is terrified to create another child and end up in the same place for another 18 years.

Still means no baby for me but over the past 2 years I decided its likely good we aren't going to have one, if he didn't parent my child then I would be a single mom and if he did choose to parent our child then it would make his lack of parenting to the skids even harder. I dont' want to raise a baby with DH, I just wanted another baby.

Wow. I've just started

Wow. I've just started getting the excuses. I'm in my 20's and he's quite a bit older than me, but he certainly doesn't act or feel like it.

He's a very involved Dad, and he does a majority of the work with SD. His boys are amazingly awesome, so I know he's a good Dad. The comment about not wanting kids with me because of my relationship with SD really stung, especially since he had kids with BM who's a piece of trash and is now in prison... yeah great choice. I have 2 boys who he also compliments, so obviously I can parent my children.

So do I want a baby with DH, or just another baby? Maybe a little of both.... I just really love those squishy pink little bundles of joy. Maybe it also has to do with the fact my XH didn't want my boys, and the shit hit the fan when we found out not just one but 2!! So my pregnancy was not really very enjoyable, and I want a do over.

I always thought I would have

I always thought I would have 3. I have come to terms that i will not have another baby - and there are many reasons this is good for me too in some ways. I will always be sad I never had #3 - I see no way around that.

But, I truely believe now, that it isn't me and its not DH saying he doesn't want a baby WITH ME, its that he doesn't want another child. the responsibiity that comes with it, the potential of a 'sick' child. He made this comment once too - we have 4 healthy children, why risk it. I know even myself when I got pregnant each time although i was ready as mother to that little bump in my belly that I would do everything for that child sick or not - its a scary thought.

DH doesn't want another BM situation or another SS6.

One time, just one time DH broke down completely in our first year, he put his head in his hand and cried openly questioning how he could have a child like SS6 (then 4). That he always thought he was a good man, well brought up, polite, caring, loving and to have a child so full of hate, so mean, so nasty and evil. That it just didn't make sense and he questioned if the child was even his. He said one time in 3 years, one time BM jumps him and then announces 1 week later she is pregnant and how he could have been so stupid.

I told him if he was uncertain he needed to either get the test or never bring it up again because I am not the wondering type, I would get the test to be sure and move on.

He never brought it up again.

But - I am certain THAT is the biggest factor - what if he creates bad children.... I think it haunts him and he doesn't want to know the answer.

With your DH - if he is an involved dad, maybe he doesn't have it in him to have another 18 year commitment to a child.

Now that I am 38, I do the math, i would still today love that little pink squishy baby to steal another piece of my heart, and in 5 years BD12 grauates and i will have a gulp 4 year old 1 year from Kindergarten. Then BD7 will graduate and I will be um, almost 50 with a young grade school child still. Maybe your DH is doing that math and thinking, i want to take my spouse travelling not be tied to the school schedule when I am 55....

I bet his inside fears are totally something you haven't picked up on yet and his SD thing is just an excuse.

I'm so glad you ended your

I'm so glad you ended your post with "Now why would I wanna have a baby with someone like you!"

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