Disney. A trip for the kids that made the BM trip
So the bf and I talk Disney. How fun it would be for all of us to go. We talk about where we are with the things we have, and what we need, and if we have the extra cash to plan a trip. We decide that it would be an amazing thing to do for the little ones. We talk about going right before Christmas, maybe a week or 2 before (there's no way the bm would let us take daughter ON christmas)
So we get in touch with another couple in our community who are also planning a trip to Disney in December. We talk about renting villas, we exchange info on villas we found online, and discuss dates.
Time to run this by the bm.
SHe flips.
We didn't expect anything less from her.
She goes on a big texting rampage with my bf.
She claims that if my love takes daughter to Disney, that it should just be a daddy/daughter trip. She says that she doesn't want him to go with me and my kids to Disney. She asks my love "how would you feel if I took daughter to Disney with my bf??" My love says he would be happy for daughter.
She goes on and on, telling him to "go ahead" with me and my kids, just don't tell or include daughter.
She says that she wants Disney to be a daddy/daughter trip because my love promised daaughter he would take her there (when she was three, him and BM were together back then)
This has jealousy written all over it. The emphasis on his promise to daughter, while him and bm were still together translates to: If I cannot go with you and her on this trip, your new gf sure as hell isn't going.
What an idiot!
Disney. Every kid HAS to and WANTS to go there, when they have a chance. Why can't she just be happy for daughter and allow her to take this opportunity to go to Disney! Why does she have to be a jealous little witch?
My love gets fed up of her txting a million messages, saying how she doesn't want us to take her, especially if I'm going with my kids, and how it should just be a "Daddy/Daughter trip)
He's getting pissed off so he tells her "I know exactly why you won't let her come with us". This gets her going with "Tell me...why...why...why.." Then she tries a stupid little tactic:
"Tell me why you think I won't let her go and I'll let you know if you can take her or not"
Yeah right. We see right through you.
What disgusts me about her is, she will not let daughter come with us for her own satisfaction and hapiness. She is putting her feelings in front of her daughter's. She is thinking about how she will feel if we were to take daughter. She is not at all thinking about what would make her daughter happy! She has the nerve to say "Just go with your gf and her kids. Just don't tell daughter you are going". We can't disappear out of her life for one week straight, without her wanting to come and spend time with us, or for my love to call her...she will most likely ask "what are you doing daddy? can I come and see you today daddy?" WE WILL NOT lie to her! We will not not call her for one whole week!
I believe she is trying to make us look like the shitty people here. That if we were to go, we would go without her and in the end, in daughter's eyes, look like we never wanted to take her.
My love doesn't have the heart to go, and then blame bm for not letting daughter come. Because that's not right to cause her pain just because her mother's an idiot. On the other hand, her mother is willing to make her daughter cry, just to make us look like the bad ones. How sick and manipulative.
What pisses me off about this, is that she has the last say. She KNOWS my love won't go without daughter. So, ultimately she wins. She gets what she wants, and we don't.
All we want is to take the kids to Disney. Do it for them.
Not gonna happen.
I told my love, maybe we shoulda kept it quiet until a month before the trip. Then went to her with consent papers for travel, and told daughter about the trip, so bm couldn't say no. But that could've blown up in our face too, by her still saying no.
Sigh...Disney will have to wait...
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Comments
That is so wrong. I can't
That is so wrong. I can't believe he isn't going to force it. I would have no problem telling SD that her mom said no.
I'm sorry. i would be sooo frustrated right now. I'm sure you are.
I would go w/or without skid.
I would go w/or without skid. And the BS about not telling skid? Having to monitor everything you & your kids say? No way! We would go and if kid found out gladly tell her that she was invited and BM said no. Do not let your kids do w/out because of them. Heck, if your bf doesn't want to go, he can stay too.
I agree, we should go, and
I agree, we should go, and tell SD that her BM doesn't want to let her come. Of course, bf doesn't feel the same way. That frustrates me, because he is letting bm get away with this bullshit! By not exposing her true self, she will never change for that sake of her daughter! If he daughter never sees what choices she makes for her, she will always win when it comes to the way my BF and I do things/decide on things when SD is around. I hate being stuck like this!!! Grrrr
That's so messed up. I would
That's so messed up. I would tell her from now that you're planning the trip and would like her to be there? Let her bug her BM about it and if she still can't go, remind her that you wanted her to come. That way she'll know the truth if she can't go. Don't let BM hold you ransom either. If SD can't go, then you do. If BF doesn't want to go, take your kids and have a blast. If you let this happen now it'll keep happening. No need for your kids to miss out.
ConfusedStep, that is SOOOOO
ConfusedStep, that is SOOOOO TRUE! I agree 100%...You are setting yourself up for this continuing for years to come...
If you actually went WITHOUT inviting the SD, I can assure you that she could care less about her kid's feelings and she would gladly tell her that you went to Disney with her Dad and her DAD AND YOU did NOT invite her...they must not really love her...believe me...we lived through it...but of course, when THEY decide not to allow their kid to go, then you also have to keep yourself from going so you don't hurt the kid?
So true what all of you have
So true what all of you have to say.
The trip was supposed to be a surprise christmas gift for all of the kids.
I just hate the fact that bm knows how my bf is, and she knows that he won't hurt SD by telling her "yeah, we are going to Disney, but your mom doesn't wanna let you come" because of course that would make SD cry. BM knows he wouldn't hurt SD for no reason, just to prove that her mom is an idiot. Bm uses this knowledge to her advantage.
I would love to tell SD, but it's not my place to do so.
Sometimes, my bf has a hard time to stand up to bm and tell her off, and push for equality. He thinks it's not worth the fight because bm is so yappy and bitchy, she won't ever stop (because she is always right)
Maybe I should give my bf something to think about. I should just go with my kids, and have fun. I should tell him that if he won't fight to get SD on board with us...then me and my kids will just take trips without them.
So true. Maybe this will be
So true. Maybe this will be his wakeup call. Let him know that if it's SD that he's thinking about, he's not doing her any favors by letting BM walk all over him. It won't stop unless he stops it. Is BM willing to tell her daughter that she can't go for no reason? In the meantime, BM shouldn't be allowed to take this fun trip away from you and your kids.
If you can't get your step
If you can't get your step able to go and your husband won't go without your step, then you should just go with your children. You and your children shouldn't have to suffer because of her, maybe that will also open your husbands eyes to the situation to.
How old is your SD? If she
How old is your SD? If she is school age, her mom should have just said she doesn't want her pulled out of school for a trip to disney. Since you aren't married, taking the trip with just your kids shouldn't be an issue. I'm sure both sets of kids would love to see The World with just mom or dad. Taking mom to court may back fire on you. That would just make me plan a fully loaded trip(onsite resort, dining package,fireworks cruise, BBB salon Princess makeover, character meals...the works) a few months before your trip. To be honest, I would do this even if I wasn't taken to court. Sorry, but I would not want my child's first memory of disney to include the SM.
Wow, are you telling me you
Wow, are you telling me you wouldn't let your kids go to Disney if the SM was going, just because it would be their first memory of Disney, and you wouldn't want the SM to be included in it?
SO you'd put your own feelings about the SM in front of your child's feelings about going to Disney?
Do you even hear yourself?
Yeah, you sound like the bm
Yeah, you sound like the bm type I have to deal with.
Here's your chance to inform me of why she is "right", why she should not come to disney with me just because I am her SM
How unrealistic to not
How unrealistic to not believe that their first trip to Disney shouldn't include the SM. If Dad is married again. Get over yourself and be happy for the kid that they are going. Grateful that you are not paying for it and move on. This one is stupid.
I would definitely let the kid know that BM doesn't want her to go and you and the family will miss her but you are going. She needs to understand now the games that BM is playing.
I know, right! Them words
I know, right!
Them words from Disneyfan are jealousy words.
Then again, she could be a troll.
My son's first trip to Disney
My son's first trip to Disney will probably be with DH's mom because Nana takes all her grandkids to disney at age 6. My son is dying to go ( he is 4 )I myself have never been. My point is sometimes our kids first memory is going to be with someone else that loves them. When you make the decision to divorce that is par for the course. It is one of the things that makes me weather my marriage during the less than enjoyable time, I don't want my son to be split between two homes.
There are just some firsts
There are just some firsts that I feel are special and IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, should be shared with the child and parent. If I had a daughter, I wouldn't want her SM to take her shopping for her first bra. I wouldn't want SM to be the one to take my child to school on his first day of kindergarten. I have 3 SDs ~ 2 BMs. The oldest (14)has been to WDW with her mom and dad. The youngest girls (6&4) have never been. The oldest one is going with us in 2012. DF and I have agreed not to take the younger ones with us until they go with their mom. While I wouldn't want a SM to take my child on the first trip to WDW, I would have been fine with the step taking him on the 2nd, 3rd or 20th trip.
Erm . . . what if the two
Erm . . . what if the two youngests' BM either cannot afford or never gets around to taking them? Sorry, this just isn't reality for most people. Your BD may be at her SM's when she starts her period/has her first crush/gets in her first fight/has to deal with her first break-up, so SM "gets" that first. It's not a competition, though; that's something both BMs and SMs seem to struggle with. You create your memories with the child(ren) and your ex and his new wife create theirs.
Why are some of you so
Why are some of you so annoyed with my first post? I didn't say I would never want SM to take my child on ANY disney trips, just not the first. I don't think this is the same as a BM who will never be able to afford such a trip saying no.
Because it is a selfish thing
Because it is a selfish thing to do and say. How dare you as a MOTHER say that you wouldn't want SM to be a a FIRST in anything with your child? YOUR bond with YOUR child will NEVER be broken if YOU behave like a real mother. ALWAYS putting the desires & best interests of YOUR child first. That just wreaks of insecurity and BM jealousy to me. Sorry but that's my honest opinion. I am a BM and a SM. I would NEVER keep my children from doing ANYTHING with their dad if he ever presented an opportunity. I've never been to Europe and my children dream of going. If my ex told me he was taking them do you think I would have the heart to say NO? On the contrary! I'd be thrilled for them! Buy them LOADS of maps & cameras for photos. But of course, that is only the mind of a mother whose KIDS are always first, I wouldn't know any other way.
I used to be a huge Disney
I used to be a huge Disney freak. Ex-husband and I had been there at least 10 times before and during our marriage. We divorced when our daughter was a newborn. I was livid when he and his current wife (who had incidentally been the the "other woman") wanted to take her for her first trip to Disney World. But despite the fact that I do, in fact, work a full-time job (not a sit on my ass BM), I knew I couldn't afford it and I wanted her to go while she was still young enough to really think it was magical. So they took her for her first and a couple subsequent visits. I got over it and my daughter had a great time. Now, several years later, I can't imagine that I ever let it bother me.
I'm also on the SM side, and I can't see letting the BM call the shots like that, especially when it is for such selfish reasons. I know you have to pick your battles, but this is one I'd feel strongly enough about...
Submitted by Disneyfan on
Submitted by Disneyfan on Tue, 05/24/2011 - 1:12pm.
There are just some firsts that I feel are special and IF AT ALL POSSIBLE, should be shared with the child and parent.
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Disneyfan, the child WOULD be going with a parent, it's Father. smdh......
Why don't you take just your
Why don't you take just your kids? If dh wants to go he can. If sd finds out later and asks tell her the truth- we wanted to take you too, but your mom didn't give us permission. Better yet, how about ou plan your trip with your kids and dh can plan his daddy/daughter trip...atthe same time!
Dh can tell Bm he's taking his daughter to Disney. If she asks about you he can twll her you are planning your own trip. She doesn't have to know it's at the same time!
You do realize if your DH
You do realize if your DH tries to be the good guy & not say anything it WILL backfire. & I guarantee at BEST BM will tell her she doesn't know why Daddy didn't take her, more likely well, Daddy only loves his new family now.
BTW, be prepared for BM to ruin it somehow. we took SD when she was 4 turning 5 in Disney world ( a gift from my generous in-laws). Her step-father made the point of telling her that they weren't real characters but just regular people on the street dressed up.
You ladies make a lot of good
You ladies make a lot of good points. I have an update...I will edit my post.
Thanks for all the good luck wishes too.
Disneyfan: "Taking mom to
Disneyfan:
"Taking mom to court may back fire on you. That would just make me plan a fully loaded trip(onsite resort, dining package,fireworks cruise, BBB salon Princess makeover, character meals...the works) a few months before your trip. To be honest, I would do this even if I wasn't taken to court."
SO, you are saying that if you were the bm in my situation, you would plan a trip months before our already planned trip, to "compete" with us and in your mind "win" because it would be a fully loaded trip with fireworks and princesses etc...
Therefore, when the sd comes on our trip with us, she will find it "boring" because she already had a trip with her bm that was a "fully loaded" trip???
Kids are NOT pawns to be played in a sick little game. This is LIFE. It is REAL. We don't want to "compete" on who is the better parent and try to show the bm "up" by taking the sd to Disney first. WHO CARES IF IT'S FIRST...the time is NOW and we are planning to go. It's an opportunity for her and we would love to include her in on the fun!