This doesn't sound to me as much like jealosy as it just sounds fishy. He won't talk to her in front of you??? That's really wierd to me. I don't mean to freak you out or further your trust issues, but if he won't let you so much as hear the conversation, that usually means that there is a part of the conversation he doesn't want you to hear. This aside from the thought....doesn't the boss mind that he takes care of all his family business while on the clock??? What boss wants to pay someone to deal with their ex? The whole thing sounds really fishy to me. And not jealous fishy, by the way. Sneaking around fishy.

Are you guys married? If not, I'd poke around a bit and find out what's going on. If yes, this is information you are entitled to know, and I'd make damn sure that I poked around.

At times EX would go into another room when he spoke to BB on the phone too. He knew I couldn't keep it zipped and actually had a few incidents when I said things during their convo with the intention of her hearing them. When she was being a total nasty bitch, usually when she was insulting me, I just couldn't keep quiet. So...if the convo got into anything other than the usual co-parenting stuff, he'd get up and leave. Of course, I'd listen out in the hall (lol) but I knew to stay away. I think sometimes it's just easier to have a convo in private to avoid a third party trying to put $0.02 in, you know?

However, it all depends on how you go about this. Do you get upset when you overhear their conversations? Do you try and tell him what to say while the two of them are on the phone? It may also be possible that he feels that you don't trust him and he wants to simply rebel against that. In cases like this, I usually try to put the shoe on the other foot and think about how I'd feel if he demanded that I speak to DD's BF while he is in the room. It probably would piss me off, to be honest.

Regardless, if your partner is really calling you a controling bitch, I'd say you need to sit down and talk about things in general. Such a harsh thing to say...it can't be only about you wanting to hear the phone call.

It kind of sounds like he's accusing you of the things that he feels BM is. Like he wants to say these things about her but he's too afraid it will cause problems, so he takes his frustration with HER out on YOU.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I think we all here are a little jealous. I am jealous that this woman got to have kids with him and I can't, I am jealous that she was his first for most everything, I am normal. I am not jealous however of his feelings of her, because I know his thoughts on her. But I think we are all just normal. I mean look at it this way. When we were younger and had no kids and dated, we were not jealous of Ex's then because there were no strings.. Right? I think its natural and we all have our own little things but that is how we learn and grow.. And there are times when things bother us more then others.. SO maybe its just one of those times.. Does that make any sense..
I have to tell you though since my little outburst at the ex, she has called my husband 1 time? I felt better for telling her, but then again a little part of me thinks that maybe she is getting a lawyer to try to get more money out of us. Cuz as she said she has never tried to screw him over.. LOL.. Whatever.. But seriously, I asked her how she would feel if she were in my shoes? And maybe she actually thought about that and has realized she would not like it either.. Dunno..
Happy

" make sure you tell the people you love most EVERYDAY.. Its important not only for them to know but for you to tell.. Life is to short to be miserable..

The only thing I'm jealous about is that she obviously has more money than we do to waste on all these court dates, lawyers, doctors appointments, new cars, laptops, cell phones, etc!

But seriously, I think happy is right. Jealousy is a natural feeling. Everyone has it to some extent, and feeling jealous of someone does not make you a bad person. It's when you allow your jealousy to run your life like SS's BM does that you become a bad person.

HOWEVER, I don't feel that it is jealousy that you're feeling. I think it's more the "something is awry" feeling. I don't think you'd have these problems if DH was up-front and forthcoming with things.

*~So sayeth Nymh~*

I too am not jealous of bm or my dh's feelings either, but the fact that she has strings attached. Yuck... But, in regards to Bonus wife, I feel that it is a bit odd that he will not discuss things with her in front of you. Have you fought with him as a result of a conversation? In my home it seems much easier for him to talk to her with me in the room because then we can get all the the dates and happenings with the kids straight and help each other to remember.
Georgie

Does she have anything that you want? Do you covet anything that she has? You're jealous of what? Her relationship with DH? Honey, it FAILED! Why would you be jealous of a failed relationship that's in the past? No, you are not a jealous second wife. You are a wife and wives are territorial when it comes to their husbands. Some are more territorial than others. That's not jealousy, that's common sense.

~ Anne ~

"Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after the other." -Walter Elliot

De inimico non loquaris sed cogities.
Jealousy is indeed caused by low self esteem,its all about how you veiw yourself in comparison to the ex wife. Personally, there is NO comparison between bm and myself, we are two totally different women and there is nothing about her or her life that I desire to have. Would I like to be able to have a child with my dh? Hell yes, but that is not possible here, am I jealous because she does have a child with dh? Not at all, because BM is not even aware of how wonderful a gift she has been blessed with in having ss,( as she hurts him and dh to further her own agenda) where I am very aware of what a wonderful blessing he is and look forward to sharing that knowledge with him. Regardless of weather ss is a biological part of me or not, he is a biological part of dh whom I love dearly and just knowing that there is an extension to dh places in me the desire to love ss as my own. Nor for myself do I feel its ever about being territorial,( as to be territorial would mean that something or someone BELONGS to me, and because I believe no person is property,but a gift from God, then people in my lives are to be shared..even with those I dont care for at times) I believe it is more about having healthy boundaries. If dh were still with his ex wife, there would be no other woman interfering in their marraige, I expect the same boundaries. Being a second wife doesnt mean anyone has the right to place demands upon me, my children, my husband, my home. There must be boundaries for friends,extended family, employers and yes even the ex wives.If we were to remove the boundaries for one than we might as well remove them for all to come in any time they would like in any way they would like. As for dh communicating with ex only when you are not around, there can only be one of two reasons for this action. The first would be that your being present in some way(weather it is by you interrupting, speaking loudly enough for ex to hear, telling dh what to say, or getting angry at what he does or does not say)antagonizes the situation/conversation between dh and his ex..or the second reason is that he is hiding something from you. Either way, I dont think it is jealousy you are feeling,I think it is more likely the lack of trust,lack of respect and lack of healthy communication between you and dh that is causing you to react the way you are, along with the inability to have any control or say in the situation. Nothing you are feeling is abnormal, we have all been there or are there right now. The hardest thing to realize in this life is that we only have control over ourselves, and that no-one else has power over us unless we allow them to.