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Does anyone else ever come up against this??

bjc26's picture

Submitted by bjc26 on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 4:48pm

My DH is very into hunting and he works really hard at his job and doesn't really get alot of "him" time. So when hunting season comes along he usually takes off and is gone most weekends all day long, and some weekdays. He does this because this is his "me" time. I'm okay with that to a point, but he never asks me if its okay that I stay with the skids. I don't mind watching them or being with them because the way I look at it is that if I was their BM I'd have to anyway but at the same time it's like he expects me to and never checks to see if I have anything going on.

Being whiny for a second here, but I moved 1600 miles from everything I knew to be with this man and his skids that live with us. I still haven't had very good luck at making friends or getting a hobby. But it sort of irks me that I don't get to have this same privelage to go off by myself when I want to. Has anyone else ever come up against this and if so how do you deal?

Comments

Blue stepmother's picture

Submitted by Blue stepmother on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 5:05pm

I think it's ridiculous that he expects this of you. You ABSOLUTELY have the right to take off whenever you want to. You are not whining, and HE IS TAKING ADVANTAGE OF YOU. He should park them with family, if he wants to get away, that is NOT YOUR PROBLEM!!!! You have the privilege to do what you want, you just have to take it. They are his legal, moral, and financial responsibility, on the other hand, you have no legal, no moral, and no financial rights for them. Why are you allowing this?

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 5:07pm

Just tell him you will no longer just be expected to watch his kids while he goes hunting! He can ask each and every time if he REALLY wants to go. You still have the option of saying no. He will then have to find someone to take them or not go! You have to take a stand now before it gets worse and you get very resentful and it blows up. Not to mention you don;t need him to take advantage of you like that.

also tell him that you need your me time just like he does! fair is fair right??? }:)

shielded2009's picture

Submitted by shielded2009 on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 6:37pm

No, I don't come up against this because DH and I had the discussion that SD is HIS child FIRST AND FOREMOST...and I'm not some random babysitter...If he wants "HIM" time, he needs to plan for it, and ask me if I mind keeping SD...

If you haven't set the parameters for what's going to go on and your role, then he's going to define it...

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Submitted by GoodbyeNormaJean on Fri, 11/18/2011 - 7:05pm

No, I don't run into this. DH isn't a hunter. He is a movie fanatic. And I don't care if he sees 3 a day. But I don't do skid pickups and drop offs, and I don't give a rat's rip about "me time". If I want me time, I make other arrangements for my kids. I expect the same courtesy.

There were a few times early on that he mentioned seeing one movie or another on a given day. I casually mentioned my plans for that day as well and also my kids' plans. It wasn't mentioned again.

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Sat, 11/19/2011 - 12:11pm

I haven't run into this exact scenario but when the kids were younger, similar situations would arise when he wanted to have go on a long motorcycle ride with his buddies. I think he automatically assumed I would just step into a motherly role and watch the SDs whenever he wasn't home. It was irritating, especially when I wanted to do something fun during that time (including riding my own motorcycle). It caused a lot of disputes between us. Eventually he had to hire a babysitter. None of his friends or their wives would watch them at the time because they were so poorly behaved. He also doesn't have a whole lot of family out here- his mom lives in Texas and his relatives who do live out here are much older. If your DH has nearby family or friends who'd be able and willing to help out he should look into that.

bbgf's picture

Submitted by bbgf on Sat, 11/19/2011 - 12:32pm

bjc26,

Although I do not have younger Skids (mine are 25, 23, 21), I would have to say that I understand about the hunting- and how important it is for men to have "their ME" time. However, if you have Younger skids- who are living with you- I believe he should have to consult with you first about his plans for the week- in case you decide, You might want some YOU time. And explain to him that HE needs to arrange a babysitter ahead of time=instead of him ASUUUMMMING that you are the live-in babysitter. I would be furious if I were you. And it's not about not caring about the kids- it's about the Principle of the matter. If the kids are in school all day- and he plans on being gone in the afternoon- he should make sure there is a babysitter for them until he gets home in case you want to run errands, go shopping or just get out of the house.

It sounds like you are a bit "trapped" in a sense- since you moved to a place and don't have any established outside relationships. This cannot be healthy for you. Do you work? IF not, you should look into some outside activities or support groups...something to get you connected to the community. Maybe find a way to volunteer? something that gets you out of the house and connected to your community. You may find people with similar interests and make some new friends.

Stand up for yourself either way- and let DH know that YOU are important too and his HUNTING does not mean he shouldn't be considerate of you and his kids while he's gone.

BBGF