Custody papers filled...we're all moving!

My husband got all the custody papers signed by the judge this morning so we are definitely going to be taking SD7 with us when we move out of state in two weeks time. I'm really pleased all the paperwork is sorted out and we know what is happening. I know that SD will miss her mom but she will be much better off with us and we won't have to worry about her.

In the end BM managed to get my husband to agree to pay her "CS" for a year for the privilege of not having her child with her (is that the ultimate GU goal?), she is even getting slightly more than she had when she did have SD with her...and still my husband insists that she didn't scheme to get the most possible out of him. Oh well, for the moment he is adamant she won't get a penny more out of him which is good, though I won't count on him never giving in again. In the grand scheme of things it is probably a similar amount or slightly less than we could have spent of legal proceedings, with the bonus that we can pay it over a year and everyone agrees so there is no drama and we won't be delayed moving while trying to sort it all out.

Now we just have a huge ton of stuff to sort for our move, including a massive load of SD's stuff that BM dumped at our house when she was evicted from her last place a couple of months ago. BM has tried to ask my husband to pay for a u-haul so that she can collect it! Ha! that won't happen. I'd rather pay to have it junked, we will see what my husband does to try to keep everyone happy in his usual way.

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She sold her child to you.

She sold her child to you. :jawdrop:

more or less...sad isn't

more or less...sad isn't it?

She knows that she doesn't have the capability right now to look after her full time and that SD would be better off with us. My husband put it to her that it is giving her some time to sort her shit out and that if she is in a better place in her life in 2 years time he will be willing to talk about SD moving back with her BM.

Personally I still don't really see it. She could be getting more money permanently and have her daughter with her full time, but instead she has opted for this because she can't be bothered to sort herself out and ultimately I think that she can't deal with full time motherhood. I can't understand her mentality but am pleased that she isn't clinging on to having SD when she knows that she wouldn't be able to cope if my husband weren't around to have regular visitation and give her a break.

verbal agreement...he knows

verbal agreement...he knows he could stop paying her, and I half wish he would after we leave, but he has too high morals to go back on his word.

She has hinted at it a few

She has hinted at it a few times for various reasons, but I highly doubt that would ever happen, and even if it did she would just end up asking for money every other week for something or other. She has not proven that she can generate a reliable income for any sustainable period of time. The only time she managed it was when she was a student and got a student loan and decided to take a class in photography and other such unuseful things that haven't helped her get any work (and wouldn't have even if she had passed the classes and not been chucked out for failing). I believe her current life plan is to apply to get on disability.

"In the end BM managed to get

"In the end BM managed to get my husband to agree to pay her "CS" for a year for the privilege of not having her child with her" :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:

I know it is sickening to

I know it is sickening to think about.

I don't have a lot of deal

I don't have a lot of deal breakers. But that would be one.
Sending money to BM while SD lived with us. Deal f*cking breaker.

I dunno Queen, some days I

I dunno Queen, some days I would pay a lot of money to get rid of BM

But this BM isn't gone. Not

But this BM isn't gone. Not at all. It's open ended, "in 2 years" they'll talk about SD coming back. BM will call to talk to SD I'm sure. BM will call discussing visits that may or may not ever happen. BM will call if DH's check is late or lost in the mail. BM will call asking for more money. BM will call after a year is up trying to talk DH out of ending checks.

This is all true. I can only

This is all true. I can only hope that my husband stands strong and doesn't give way. At least this way there is paperwork that SD lives with us, we will have at least a years worth of time of her being with us in a different state and if BM wants her back she will in theory have to fight for it legally. I do fear that BM will put on a show of doing better and then SD will be sent back because she misses her mother and then it will all go to pot again. I hope that this works out the way it should. I will be furious if the money continues longer than a year. I am dreading the phone call drama and organizing visitation issues that may happen, we will have to see what happens, but at least I won't have to see BM myself as she will be thousands of miles away.

Unbelievable what these women

Unbelievable what these women do for money. I can't believe she sold her child to you.

Because we got BM to agree,

Because we got BM to agree, she hasn't been feeding doubts to SD. She is pretty excited to be moving but sad that she won't see her mom as much, though we have assured her that she will definitely get to visit. My husband has agreed to pay for flights home, he offered 3 trips home a year, BM only wanted 2.

If BM changes her mind now she will have to fight it in court, she signed the custody agreement and it has been filed with the court.