Dear Steptalkers! This is my first time writing but I have been reading you for 10 months. Thank you for all your great stories and advices, I feel you are the only people who can understand me these days. I have been great (most of the time) guy for over a year who has 2 children: SD-13 y.o. and SS- 7 y.o. We live together, children know me since 10 months. I do not know where to begin…
I am sure many of you had a feeling/ thought: what I am doing in this relationship? This question is getting louder and louder in my head. There are times when I cannot imagine my life without my partner, but sometimes life we have is just too much…
The bm is a nightmare! She is a book example of borderline personality disorder and PAS, which is manly manifesting throught SD. My relationship with SS is very good, although I am aware everything I say, do, cook, smile, visit……. will be USED against me. Five minutes after we drop him off, the phone is ringing. The boy does not use my name because bm always uses it with words like whore, b…h, s…t before after mentioning my name. Ss never calls me by name, instead he says: can someone help me? (Looking at me), even if it is only two of us. I usually do not care, but sometimes especially after cooking for him, playing, doing homework, bathing him it would be nice to be more than someone. SD is a totally different story. She hates me with passion plus she has absolutely no manners, which leaves me cleaning and cooking after everyone. She has no respect for me, goes through my things, and even pushes me if I am on her way. I know, you all probably think where is her DAD? Well, if there is a big blow up he is there, always supporting me, but the little things- more frequent- he seams to not register. When sd is at our place, I feel very out of place, like it is not my house. I am very worried even about my mail or my computer or phone when she is around; it is very stressful to always hide things. SD went away for couple of months for school exchange and life has been very good but she is coming back in few days and I feel like I need to put my guard on again. F thinks she has changed, he spoke her and he’s sure things will better, but I am not… I guess we will have to wait and see.
Do any of you ever wonder what life would be if you have not had chosen this road? Hopefully my next post will be bit happier.