:? Hello. This is my first post here, and I must say that I found this website because I am really struggling with my little blended family. A quick background...My husband and I have been together for 4 years and married for 1 of those years. When we met, his sweet little daughter was only 6. She was living with her mom at the time and we were only 'allowed' to see her during the summer times. I took my time in getting to know her and build a relationship with her. I did not require her to call me mom or tell me she loved me. I really left the ball in her court about how close we were going to be. This actually made us really close and developed a deep sense of trust between us (or so I thought). When my husband and I had been dating for 6 months, we found out that I was pregnant. I gave birth to a little boy. My SD was, understandably, jealous but I talked to her about it and it seemed that it was an issue that could be overcome. When my son was 3 months old, I found out that I was pregnant again...this time it would be twin girls...By the time my stepdaughter came to visit for the summer, I was 6 months pregnant; suffering from preclampsia, on bed rest and taking care of a 5 month old son (with help from my mother)...This visit was different. My stepdaughter had become quite stubborn with me and I attributed this to jealousy but looking back on it, her actions were so selfish. I had explained to her that I was pregnant and sick and that I couldn't get out of bed and do a lot of things...Still, she became angry when I couldn't do things with her (or for her). After the twins were born, my SD decided that she wanted to come live with her daddy and I.

Fast forward a year; my stepdaughter is 10, my son is 3 and my twin girls are 2...

ALL HELL HAS BROKE LOOSE in my home. In order for my home to operate, I need 100% cooperation. I am not super rigid about my schedule or unforgiving in my time management...I really make an effort to give attention to all four of our kids (I have ALWAYS counted my SD as one of my own) but anytime the attention is off my SD for too long, she acts out. She is still throwing tantrums at age 10, refuses to listen to anything that I say, and has even taken to self-mutilation (she will pinch herself, choke herself, ect.) It is getting to the point that I feel like I have been used. I found out that she tells her BM things about me (some are true and are private, some aren't true at all). I now feel like the only reason that she ever loved me is because of the attention that I gave her. I have had to become a disciplinarian with her because I am home with her constantly and her behavior is so far out of control. I have had to send her to her room and make her stay there...I have had to physically carry her into her room because she was throwing a fit and hold the door shut while she screamed and jerked it...This is all because I have asked her to do something that she doesn't want to do (homework, mostly). The worst part of it is that I cannot trust her with the younger children. I have caught her hitting, pushing and even pinching them. My husband has tried to help but she is starting to act out against him because of it...I just don't know what to do. I love my husband with all my heart and from the moment I met them both, I wanted to be in their lives but I just can't take it anymore. I am so scared what effect all of this is having on my children...should I put up with this? How do I deal with it?