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need some advice.

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 2:01am

:O
Heloo just to give a brief summary of my issue... My husband and i have been married for 1 yr now. He's middle daughter has lived wwasith us the whole time even before we were married. She moved out in the summer time. I fell pregnant but unfortunately i lost my twins.. So my mom ,e to stay with us it was help me heal and to help her.. Anyways my stepdaughter has to move back home so my mom has to leave the room we put her in so my stepdaughter can go inthat room. Is this fair at all... Stepdaughter is in her early twenties.....

Comments

Gabriels Mom's picture

Submitted by Gabriels Mom on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 3:57am

Why is your SD living at home? Man, what is up with these adults? I couldn't wait to move out. I went away to college to be on my own....

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:23am

She was living in her own apartment but she Couldn't afford it anymore.she's in college.

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:36am

Yes two bedrooms. My problem is his children always come first no matter what and i have to just except it. Well if i want my marriage to work i do..

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:43am

And i dont im just not happy with how he made the decision and jow i wasnt apart of the decision making it was just throw at me..

vikki0's picture

Submitted by vikki0 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 5:02am

Well if the SD has nowhere else to go, and your mother does, I think it's the logical solution.

If it's his house, then again I think it makes more sense that his daughter lives there,than a mother in law.

But if it's a house you share,you should probably try to fit them both in if you want your mother to be there, too.

However I just think that even though she's in her early twenties,he's her father and he shouldn't just let her be at a bad place, maybe he can help her out a bit,then help her find her own place and a job.

But yeah, I think it's fair.

Though I don't understand why doesn't she try to find her own place..I'd want to be independent.

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:30am

SD can live with her grandmother...my mom fell on hard times and all I'm trying to do is help her get on her feet. SD is in college. All i want is for my husband And i to start our life together....i thought the wife comes first over everyone its not like his kids are toddlers....

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:41am

Logically yes my mom should be on her own with her own. But im again tyring to help her... Yes his daughter has been with us the entire time its time for her to grow up.... My mom is only with us temporary. Soon NO one will be able to live with us

sadwifecaughtinbetween's picture

Submitted by sadwifecaughtin... on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:32am

My mom fell on hard times and im trying to help her out.....i am seeing a therapist thanks

dad'swife's picture

Submitted by dad'swife on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 8:34am

Yep, everything hypovic said. How about to make it fair with your husband, OP, noone should take that extra room? Of course you want your mother there but of course he wants his daughter there.

I'm sorry about your loss Sad

vikki0's picture

Submitted by vikki0 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 9:12am

The wife comes first, not her mother. So that doesn't even need to be brought up.
But now that you mentioned, his children should be equally important as his wife. Considering the fact they're young, inexperienced, and have problems currently, it's logical they come first. You can make it without your husband, for his daughter, we can't be sure about that.
I'm sorry, but it's his daughter. What do you expect?

Well, he's trying to help SD get on her feet. Just the same thing you're doing for your mother. And as his daughter is still in college, he needs to do that even more. She's in college, she should be helped now so that she can finish college, find a job, and find her own place. This is the time that will shape her future. He needs to help her and why wouldn't he?
She's in her twenties, but that doesn't mean she can't get off her way and need help. Sure, that's not the way I'd deal with it, but it's reasonable that he did that, and it makes sense.

If you think it's okay for your mother to need help, then why wouldn't it be ok for SD? She's even younger, less experienced, and she didn't even finish her education. She actually needs help more.

However, I understand that you want to help your mother. That's why you should try to get them both in. But if only one can be there, I think it's reasonable that it be the daughter.

HadEnoughx5's picture

Submitted by HadEnoughx5 on Sat, 01/12/2013 - 7:03pm

I think your mom should have the bedroom and get a pull out couch for SD. She had the room, moved out. Well the room is taken now. SD is young and sleep on a sofa bed.