Just having a sook! Sorry

So I kind of broke down the other morning to FDH...
I told FDH that I wish he had come with a warning sticker... you know like one that said "WARNING... you THINK its going to be ok, you may even know its going to be hard at time but its really really tough, heartbreaking, frustrating, sad and sometimes lonely being with me"

His reaction was "you KNEW what you were getting into, you knew it would be hard"
and I did, I knew that, I knew at times it would be so shit I would consider ending the relationship. I KNEW BM is a totally lazy, useless mum and a money hungry bitch...

But it was just one of those mornings, where everything just felt sooo hard.
Not to mention we are broke as fuck, as we just bought a new house, have heaps of debt and CS has just gone UP heaps! We've been talking about starting our own family soon, but when I think about all the debt we're in its going to be years before we can financially afford it

I think I'm just being emotional - and its hard as I have NO one whos been in my situation before to talk to about anything... no one I can say "I f***ing hate the life I'VE chosen" but then the next week tell them how much I love it as well.

I really don't have much to complain about... compared to alot of people on ST my life is easy. I love my SD4 and she is a top kid, one of my biggest problems is that we dont get to see her as much as we would like so that we can have a bigger influence then her mum does.

And my FDH is such a good father, he isnt a disney dad, he sets boundries, teachers her manners etc
He helps around the house even though he works 5am - 5pm most days
He listens to me when I bitch about BM and how sucky life is sometimes.
He "mostly" doesn't let BM walk all over him

Sorry, I just am having one of those days where I just need to write it all down...

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Comments

Sure marriages are hard but

Sure marriages are hard but no one expects to have to be married alone, which is what a marriage to a person with non joint kids often appears to feel like.

When I hear someone say "you knew it was going to be hard" or "you knew what you were getting in to" in reference to marriage to a person with children my thoughts are;

"No, I thought we were going to be a team and build a marriage and a life together and not be torn apart by an idiot X and toxic manipulative little shit children. I never expected the frosted edges of a slow motion run through a meadow full of flowers but I for sure did not expect having to low crawl through the mud covered battle field of constant drama, constant interference from my spouse’s past mistakes and constantly having to prove my commitment by tolerating unacceptable behavior from the X and the spawn."

I too have a pretty great kid and an incredible spouse who is a good mom and an outstanding partner. But, blending a family never seems as easy as it should be. Too bad there always seems to be an X that caused issues, courts that interfere, and kids that can't seem to keep their heads out of their own asses.

Just a ranting response from Rags.

Congrats on the house.

Best regards,