I have a feeling that I might be visiting this site off and on for.. hmm.. years maybe? So, i should probably get this blog going.

Quick summary:
Dating a 31yo divorced guy who has a daughter. BM is a "socially nice" person with a TON of insecurity issues, self esteem issues, family issues and so forth. Meaning, if you were to meet her she would be really sweet and nice to you but that doesn't mean she isn't stabbing you behind your back.

We've been dating for almost 3 years, the ex-w just moved close to us this year in august and now the fun begins. Was a really rocky winter, I went from thinking that the most difficult part of this situation was going to be getting to know his daughter, learning how to handle a 5yo, and learning how to deal with my emotions of having his ex and daughter so close by. Instead, she verbally attacked me while his parents were visiting and we were all out to lunch trying to help everyone feel "included". Told me i was being childish because I told him I wasn't comfortable with him spending time with his daughter at his ex-wife's apartment if she was going to be home whenever he was there. She then told him that he wasn't allowed to go to a kids concert with me and his parents while she went out with her 2 visiting friends for the evening. Instead he had to go to her apartment and be a babysitter while I entertained his parents at OUR place. (his parents are from another country so this was really petty of her to not allow at least him and his parents to spend time with their granddaughter.)

We struggled to try and do activities once in awhile where he took his daughter and spent the time with me and his daughter so we could get to know each other. (which is why i know his daughter likes me.. for now anyways)

She freaked out everytime he did this and he would stop trying to bring his daughter around me. They would talk, she would say that she realized that she needs to accept it.. we would try to schedule something again, she would freak out again. Last time she did this was in february where she totally flipped out and told him that the only favor she was asking of him was that she didn't have to share her daughter. Refused to share her daughter. (absolute hypocrit since she is a workaholic and put their daughter into daycare so she could go work when they were together even though he was making enough money it wasn't totally necessary).

So, now i'm banned. She schedules activities on his visitation day, that she then insists on joining them for. (so she can share in the experience with the daugher of course.. has nothing to do with him...) She talked him into going to church for easter as a family. (they don't normally go to church at all and he usually has visitation on saturday but not for easter! oh no)

I posted here, and since then he's been trying to make changes. He is trying to do activities away from her house so it's just him and his daughter. He started sharing more information with me about what they did, and whether his ex was around or not. (meaning he tells me when she is NOT there, so i can assume that if he doesn't say anything it means she WAS there.)

So, that's where we're at. His parents are coming again in August. Curious how that is going to go down. His parents like me, and i think they feel like she is the problem. (although they don't realize their own son is also the problem because he's allowing his ex to be so controlling and not putting his foot down about the situation)

Holidays are making me feel sick. Last year we tried to either do them as one big group, or we split the days up where he spent time at her place with the daughter and then brought the daughter over to our place for a few hours. (since i'm banned now.. not sure how holidays are going to work and if easter was an example... not good)

This saturday is the daughters birthday, so of course they will probably do family stuff all day and they are having a birthday party of the daughter with a bunch of other kids. I was prepared for that... then he tells me LAST NIGHT, that he will be home later than usual friday because they are going to go out to dinner the 3 of them for his daughters birthday. (she's 6... seems a bit much for 1 small child..) I told him i was not happy with this, and upset that he didn't mention this until the night before. He felt like he would only be delayed an hour or so and that it wouldn't change our night. SOOOO wrong.

I appreciate that he is TRYING. It's nice to see some progress being made even if it's really small bits. Better than nothing. But, first of all. I need time to process these kinds of things. All week I am thinking that we have friday night to ourselves, this is usually the one day that he comes home early (pretty much right after work). So, now he won't be. He'll be late. PLUS, he'll be out to dinner on a friday night with his ex-wife and 6yo. Makes it feel like a date. They're doing something special already for the daughter ON her birthday. Why do they need to go out to dinner as a little family the night before? It makes me feel sick and angry.

If this was once a year.. might feel different. But the ex already is constantly "arranging" these little family dates all the time. She's using her daughter as an excuse to get him to spend time with her is what it feels like.

For him, and his daughter, i'm trying not to blow up about it. So, i'm venting here instead.

I wish I could ask someone professionally if what they are doing is even healthy for their child. What's wrong with just mom or just dad taking her to dinner for her birthday? Both mom and dad will be at her birthday party. It just feels like tonight is not for the daughter it's for the mom. That's' probably why it bothers me so much. I don't want to make it a big fight, incase it's something that they would say is ok and healthy for the child. (since it's a special event, mom/day should put aside their differences for the child) But.. maybe it's not? In which case i would be justified in feeling angry about it.

Either way... today sucks. Tomorrow sucks. Can't wait for them to be over, and i'm dreading July 4th which is the next holiday. Wondering if i should go make plans without him before he tells me the day before that he'll be spending that night with his daughter and ex-wife. :sick: