Why I feel PASed teens are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Are they supposed to fight the CP and feel their wrath for
sticking up for the NCP?
I feel these kids are stuck between a rock and a hard place because the person the PAS is coming from is often their own custodial biomom. The CP is the one they are primarily worried about pleasing just by virtue of the fact that they live with them. So what is the teen supposed to do? What should they do?
I hate that they're getting PASed, but I also don't like the fact that the BM will really unload on the kid and likely abandon them or do something else really hurtful to them if they dare to stick up for the PASed parent. So that is why I feel too much blame gets placed on the teens. They are still at an age where they have to keep the CP happy, because they are living with them in their home, under their roof. And unfortunately for them, that often means going along with the PAS even if they do not want to.
I don't disagree that these kids know what they are doing, but I feel like they do a lot of what they do because for the next few years, they will have to live with the CP and the CP will make their lives a nightmare if they don't at least feign support for this pas campaign.
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Thank you Agreed, it's sad
Thank you
Agreed, it's sad to see anyone of any age go through this.
I've seen situations where
I've seen situations where that works, but others where it doesn't play out too well. I don't know what the answer is
I don't hold too much against
I don't hold too much against SD21 for the past and what I know BM put her up to because, I agree, these kids are put in awful positions.
However, she still tries some of the manipulation tactics BM tried to teach her and that pisses me off. She's not good at it but it still pisses me off. She's 21, married, and has 2 kids, and still acts like DH owes her something because she treated him like crap.
"I don't hold too much
"I don't hold too much against SD21 for the past and what I know BM put her up to because, I agree, these kids are put in awful positions."
That's how I feel too. My SDs were put up to a lot of crap by bm too, so this is really how I feel.
I would not expect a child
I would not expect a child even a teen to stand up to PAS but the older they get I would hope they could learn to ignore it.
I am friends with two sisters who despise each other. I do not defend either to the other even when they badmouth each other. I don't agree either. I just sort of say okay and change the subject.
I'd hope so too, but I'd also
I'd hope so too, but I'd also like to know more about how bm is pasing. Is she using serious threats? Is she threatening to punish them somehow or do other bad (and sometimes worse) things to the kids?
These kids could and often do seem to go along with pas for self preservation against a crazy, bitter cp and I do think the pas rises to levels that are hard to ignore.
See I don't understand why
See I don't understand why the child feels they 'have to' go along with Pas when they do have an alternative... The targeted parent.
We would have gladly taken my SD in, but she 'had to', 'help her mother, with her 'health issues'. ????? Undiagnosed by any doctor.? Whatever!!!
When I was a teen unfortunately I challenged my parents on a regular basis, that is what teens do. Unless they are pas'ed, then the alienator can do no wrong, to the child's major detriment??
Again. Whatever.
My DD15 is constantly PAS'd
My DD15 is constantly PAS'd from her dad with regards to me, but she and I have a relationship that far surpasses his bullshit words so she ignores him for the most part. He's told her "you're turning into your mother" or "your mother is nothing but shit for how she lives her life and you're going to end up just like her if you don't straighten up". She comes here for spring break and summer and I don't say a word about how her father isn't providing for her the way he should or how he allows his GIRLFRIEND (not wife) to boss her around and try to be the parent.
SD14 on the other hand, believes EVERYTHING her mother says about DH and is totally PAS'd against him (and I). DH could tell SD that the sky is blue but if BM says it's white with pink polka dots, she'd believe her even when she can see for herself it's blue...
My DD15 laughs about the shit my ex says to her about me for the most part. She says, "I know he's just trying to turn me against you so that I won't have a good relationship with you and he has all the control, mom - he's done this for years". She shows the emotional intelligence to not become a victim of his bullshit even though she only sees me part time throughout the year.
"SD14 on the other hand,
"SD14 on the other hand, believes EVERYTHING her mother says about DH and is totally PAS'd against him (and I). DH could tell SD that the sky is blue but if BM says it's white with pink polka dots, she'd believe her even when she can see for herself it's blue..."
Or she could be going along with it to pacify BM.
I call bullshit because BM
I call bullshit because BM has been PASing the kid since Day one and she was doing well with me until she realized I wasn't going anywhere. SHE was the one who threw a fit about our engagement. SHE was the one lying to her therapist making me out to be the bad guy. That had nothing to do with BM.
At 14, she's damn well old enough to know right from wrong and how two households are different than the one she shared with DH and BM as a "family". She wanted to have her status as queen of the house/universe back because that's how BM and DH treated her (they were terrified of her being mad at them, felt they'd be hurting her if they told her no or disciplined her). She knew she wasn't the center of attention anymore and she started her own campaign against me and started feeding into BM's PAS as an excuse to not have to be around us anymore because she was jealous of me and didn't want to share her daddy. She admitted that to DH.
I get that, but also feel
I get that, but also feel like nobody likes being demoted, so I don't know what else she was supposed to do to help her feel better and vent her frustration in a more healthy way?