I agree. Sending them home early just gives the PASor more ammo.

As much as I hate to as I'd prefer less time with one of my SDs, I agree with you. Similarly, I just jumped FDH's ass for not picking up SD on Friday when BM asked if she could keep her b/c she didn't want to come and he was "too tired" to deal with it. I hope he's not tired when that bites him in the ass later.

I have never sent a skid home early, however, I did ban one for a while. He was stealing, hitting my daughter 4 years younger and being extremely rude to me. I was sick of SO doing almost nothing about his behaviour - almost thinking I should just cop it because it was 4 days a month, so I told him that he would have to see his son somewhere else. My goal was to get SO to become a better parent and teach his son that he needs to show respect at our home.

My own son goes to see his father and stepmother and half sister every month or so. If he behaved like SS12 was I would have been absolutely mortified and would not have expected him to be invited back.

I agree with you 100%. But when a parent isn't being a parent, and the rest of the children are being physically abused and the stepmum (me) is being verbally abused and insulted, I draw the line. I said when you are prepared to give your son some guidelines and consequences he is welcome back, not until then.

I'm of a similar mind however sometimes there is no other option because the abuse towards a parent or stepparent is just too much. I know my kids have pushed me to see if I would ship them to their dad's I did the same to my own parents, I will not give a child the satisfaction of running away from my punishments and that is how I look at it, they may make me furious sometimes, but here they will learn consequences and it is not how to run away from problems.

I agree with everyone else, but that just was not working in my home. The temporary ban did. SS12 is much nicer because his father made the effort to parent his child. He realised I had been pushed to my absolute limit and finally decided to step in. It has worked wonders for our household. I certainly was on the verge of kicking out his father.

A NCP who sends kids away when they misbehave doesn't deserve the title of "parent". They're just egg/sperm donors.

I think sending them home early rewards rude behavior (because often, that's pretty much the point--they want to go back "home"), and unless they are violent or causing mental health issues in the other occupants of the house, it really should be used as a last resort.

That said, rudeness would not be tolerated. They can be grounded in their rooms for the entire visit (and only come out if they prove they can be respectful), but going home by being rude is too scary of a habit to create. Too much power in such negative actions.

And the grounding will happen each and every visit, for as long as the visits continue.

I let DH handle that. If I don't feel like dealing with the crazy skid then I take my BS and leave. If DH has to take them home early because he has to work, its not my problem.

Where does one send a rude, mean child in an intact family?

The rude, mean child is for the parent to deal with. Either parent.

Good point. I think in an intact family kids are dealt with. In a blended family, excuses are made. That's the problem.

My DH was about to let SS11 have his way and go home during one of the many ridiculous tirades the kid has. This one was because he was told to get up and get ready for church. I refused to let SS win. I told DH I was going to church and he could deal with SS, but he was not letting him get his way. DH took away iPhone, PS3, and disconnected TV in his room. Told him we would be at church (which is 5 minutes up the road), and he could just sit there and stare at the wall until we got back. SS called DH some choice names, stomped his feet, screamed, and threw hissy fit. BUT, he did not go home! (Oh, but God I wanted to send him!!)