I just got to thinking
about skids and how often they are the victims of PAS at the hands of an angry, vindictive parent.
My SDs have called me a "wh*re," "sl*t," "b*tch," "skank," and told me that I'm a nobody, I'm worthless, I'll never be anything in our family, etc. But this was all put in their heads by BM.
So, after reading several posts, I began to wonder- if BM were my mom, how would I have reacted to BM's PAS tactics?
Probably the same way my SDs did.
If I had been poorly parented by BM, then how would I behave?
Probably the same way my SDs did.
If BM were my mom, and she told me those things about my dad, even if they weren't true, and I knew it?
I'd probably act like my SDs did out of loyalty to my mother.
If BM were my mom telling me lies about my stepmother, then how would I behave?
Probably the same way my SDs did towards me. After all, from the viewpoint of a stepchild, my mother has been in my life since before I was born, and this person only entered my life fairly recently!
What do you think? If you were your skids, would you have behaved the same way as they are, or differently?
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Comments
Not me
Honestly both my parents were a little 'off the hook', if you know what I am saying and I was aware of their skewed perspective at an early age. I never defended the indefensible or supported their decisions or actions when I knew they were wrong. Dad was alcoholic, mom co-dependent.
Its a nice thought but to me you are being too generous!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Protect the mom...scary, but true.
They would feel sorry for her because that is the behavior that has been brainwashed into them. To protect her from Dad and his evil new wife. Mother's don't realize the power they have over their kids when the relationship is incredibly unhealthy and the kids heads are being filled with lies and manipulation. They only know what the mom has taught them.
If I had a mother like that and I was brainwashed, of course I would protect her. At least until I got older and realized the truth.
I would not have acted like sd
because I never acted that way to anyone, swearing at them and talking like a drunk 40 year old hooker on a bad day....
and my enviroment as a teen wasn't one to enrich that type of behavior or language.
The way my sd is just blows me away, I'm not kidding to say she acts and talks like a drunk 40 year old hooker on a bad day. I think this is partly due to her mother allowing her to do things at a young age, like letting BF's sleep over in her room with her when she was just 15 and 16. Since then, SD has had several men she was involved with and every one ended badly for her, upsetting her into tears as she was dumped over and over and I guess thats what happens when you take on the rights of an adult without any of the responsibilities.
I blame her mother for letting her do whatever she wanted as what teens sometimes want isn't anything good for them.
I have read all about PAS. Some experts feel its BS and some don't. After reading about it, I feel its very real.
It's an awful form of child abuse that is deep reaching and long term.
I figured it out after researching some subjects as sd would cry "ABUSE" over anything. Sd also believes she saw her father beat her mother up, as this is what her bio mother told her. Her head is filled with a lot of crap
all made up to make her father look like a monster.
bio mother is evil and all this will come back on her, not us.
bio mom has not been able to brainwash 16 year old son and I think thats because son sees all the drama and lies are told about him too as his sister cries ABUSE at him too I'm sure.
SS has not yet been brainwashed and it doersn't look like bio mom will be able to.
My SD does this too!
She swears she remembers DH beating up BM to the point of 'broken bones' - but cannot say what bones were broken, how were they treated, where is the doctor bills, the police report, the witnesses, etc. - but she swears she saw it 'with her own eyes'-!! she is lying because broken bones don't happen without all the other stuff to go with it! so weird.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
How
How would a child know where the doctor bill, etc. are???
Honestly, my ex beat the crap out of me and my kids remember the abuse. I don't talk about it with them, but my ex certainly denies it. Doesn't make it any less true.
My point here is...how do you KNOW it didn't happen? Because your husband told you so? Sometimes (and we're all guilty of this to an extent) we don't always tell our new relationships every single detail of what happened with our exes, especially not the bad stuff!
Just playing devil's advocate.
if your asking me
I am certain for several reasons besides meeting his ex and seeing she tries to make trouble, creates it, the fact she lies all the time, the fact SD has accused her brother ( 16 years old)of abuse and a few of her BF's and I ran a background check on husband before I married him. I am certain from all these things it's not true. Also the fact my husband is not abusive and he does not have a temper, while his ex does and she is prone to violence and makes threats all the time. She creates lies and follows them up like contacting child support office and saying he wasn't paying child support when he sends the checks to the office on time and has, never even being late once. All the child support payment records were sent to us on both occasions she complained and they no longer listen to her as their records indicate all payments made and on time. I am certain too because when SD was asked by DH about this supposed beating her mother up, she said she was not there when questioned but knows because her mother told her. so.............. I am sure it didn't happen and it's just crap her mother put in her head from all the stuff I've seen happen with them. Dh's ex and daughter both are the abusive, trouble-making hotheads who lie all the time and have violent hair trigger tempers. I've seen it many times over the years and I know for a fact any abuse was created by dh's ex to turn her against her father and make him look evil.
Now, what is happening is daughter is seeing what her mother is like when dad isn't around to blame and make feel guilty and she comes over to be abusive and lay down the law to us ! hahaha
she like her mother is mentally unbalanced and no one can do anything about it, sd will have to get away from her mother before she sees things as they are, not how she imagines them. I am certain, I have no doubts who was the abuser in my husbands marriage to his ex. I would bet my life on it.
well, guess I actually did because I married him, he is a good, kind, patient, loving man. He doesn't deserve the crap his ex did and created for him and his relationship with his daughter. His ex created a monster and what is happening is daughter is turning all those unrealistic expectations and temper on her mother, since her father is not around to blame.
His ex is one sick woman, I got to see it with my own eyes.
also too are stories from the inlaws about his ex's bad attitude and attempts at revenge for her perceptions of them talking bad to her, where she took brother in laws TV remote control and threw it in the trash, wrapped in soiled napkins... where it was later found.
Dh's ex is the one with the problem, not dh.
Its not hard to prove if its true
How does a supposedly broken bone heal itself, with no arrest, scars, witnesses that remember besides her own toddler child, bills paid etc.? Violence doesn't happen in a vacuum where no one can tell or provide proof if it actually happened. SD doesn't even know what part of the body was supposedly broken.
It is just really convenient that BM's only 'witness' is her own child that is dependent on her and wants to please her, while meanwhile the other 50 years of a mans life and many, many other relationships there is no problem with violence of any kind or arrests of any kind. Also that BM happily would send her child to visit said man probably 90,000 times and child happily goes to a supposed 'beater who hits women' and both BM and SD want DH to move near her to 'help them out around the house'. It just doesn't make sense if anyone is scared of their ex, to follow with wanting to be near their alleged abuser.
BM is the one who HAS been arrested several times for assault on various people and there is a police record right there to see, along with her multiple DUI record. So its not a mystery when violence happens, there is a record!
And of course I 'assumed' the reader would get that of course I don't expect SD the child to produce arrest reports, photos, hospital records, etc., but BM the grown woman certainly is capable, but she won't, because there aren't any. Also some of the instances discussed were before SD was even born, but she 'remembers' when her mom was pregnant with her?. It is just another way to slander DH, a common practice of people who practice PAS.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I'm here to tell you
that, yes, violence can happen with nobody knowing about it. Sad, but true.
Oh, it's real alright!
I will never understand why some "experts" think it's BS. PAS should be a crime!
one day
I'm sure PAS will be a crime, laws change all the time to keep up with people and the current trends.
With so many divorces now and fathers wanting to have a role in their childrens lives, I'm sure it will become more widely known about and stopped through court ordered psychological exams of some sort they will create to test for it.
I read the average length of time for a child who was a victim of PAS to recover is 20 years, that was "with" intensive therapy.
It is a very deep type of child abuse that some never realize they have and many never get past it and recover. Relationships with the non custodial (targeted) parent are often severed for life.
My stepkids are still in therapy
because of the PAS BM inflicted on them. They have gotten much better but are still coming to grips with it.
I agree 110%
and good for your DH for sticking up for himself like that!