Oh, I alsmost forgot to tell this...(A little long)
As some of you know the BM in our case refused to let us have SD on the day we were supposed to over Winter Vacation. We even went to BM's apartment to pick up SD the correct day, but only to find no one was home. Called police---they told DH to call BM. No answer. So the police (and us) left.
Not two minutes later, SD calls my DH back. DH talked to SD for a minute. Then SD said "We are going to Momma's office." So after DH hung up, he turned the car around and drove to BM's office (about two blocks from BM's apt). Of course BM had her car hidden behind the back of the building. (No one else was at the office due to the fact it was a holiday---However there was a man there, I'll explain that below).
DH calls the cops back out, this time to BM's office. The same two cops came out (they always send two units in domestic issues). So, they go around to the front of the building and were in there for maybe 5 minutes at the most. We already knew after talking to them the 1st time that they could not FORCE BM to give us SD (BTW nor can they force us to give SD back). They came out and said BM was going to let us have SD.
The funny part is Cop #1 was going on and on about how fake the BM was and about how BM was lying thru her teeth, etc, etc, etc. Oh, you could tell in FIVE MINUTES that this cop could see right thru the BM. I just thought it was nice to know that an outsider, someone who none of us knew at all, could see what a fruitcake the BM is. 
Haha.
And this guy that was there----When SD did come over to our house she said that so-and-so (a guy) came to Momma's work while we were there. SD said "So-and-so is Momma's friend." I'm not sure if this guy was just a "friend" or not. I do know when the cops walked in that this "friend" flew out to his car and drove off very quickly. The only thing that someone mentioned to me is that the "friend" and the BM might be having a fling, but the "friend" is probably married. Neither BM's car or this "friend's" car was at BM's office when we drove by before we went to BM's apartment.
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From what we were told the time we called the Police when .....
BioDad was two days late returning the Skid from visitation "this is a Civil issue not a Criminal issue".
I actually feel for the Police in these situations. They have to double up to cover these BullShit manipulations by the blended family opposition and deal with pissed off, scared, frustrated people who just want their kids back.
Too bad they can't just shoot the idiots and put them out of our misery.
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
What I dont understand its
What I dont understand its why these BM's can get away with this BS and get their wrists slapped, if it was our DH's they get jail, fines, you name it they get it. Makes me wanna :sick:. I will never know who any of these people sleep at night.
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful."
-Joshua J. Marine
In our state (not sure about anyone else's)
The city police cannot enforce a FAMILY court order nor can they file a report---the incidents are not even on the radar with them, not even in the blotter. The cops are only there for criminal reasons. And, unfortunately in our state, a parent keeping a child from the other parent is not a crime. Oh how we wish it was though.
The cops told us that they can only "reason" with the other parent that has the child but they cannot "force" the other parent to give the child up to the parent requesting child. Yea, like you could ever "reason" with this particular BM.
A previous time that the cops were called was while the child was with us. The BM called the county sheriff's dept when BM decided to disobey the mediation agreement. BM's decision was out of the blue and own her own. The sheriff's dept officer talked to both DH & BM. DH agreed to give SD up on Wednesday ONLY if DH got SD back Thursday then keep her til Sunday. BM told the officer that she would agree to this and that we could have SD back Thursday. We didn't have to give SD up b/c of the agreement told to the officer. We let BM have SD on Wednesday like DH had promised. Only to receive an email from BM on Thursday that DH could NOT have SD back. This is how this particular BM operates---she will lie to anyone to get her way, even the cops and the judge.
I honestly think the system needs to change, especially in our state, so that both parents are viewed as equals. I would hope this would handle some of this unjust action I continue to see with divorced parents and the judicial system.
"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."
Same here
A few years back BM asked for extra time with SD as BM had a week off from work. Then we had SD every weekend and shared parenting. After 5 straight days toghether (only time in the five years I've been around that BM has spent that many uninterupted nights with SD) SD called us early on a Sat from a neighbors, frantic b/c they had a fight, BM pushed SD down and SD claims hurt her back. SD also said BM threatened to beat her ass, and could we please come and get her b/c she's terrified, AND knows BM is going to be more angry b/c SD turned to a neighbor for help.
We talked to the neighbor (school teacher and husband) who assured us they would not let BM leave with SD til we got there. We were about 40 mins away, so we called 911 for help, asking someone meet us there. The operator was curt and rude, treated me like an idiot and went so far as to say, "I can't tell a woman how to discipline her kids. If you have shared parenting, we don't care who's day it's supposed to be we aren't intervening, and if you get there and you need an ambulance, call us back."
Well...we got there, BM was already there, but is "afraid" of DH so she says, so she didn't stop us from taking SD. Stopped by ER to document (we knew we were likely headed to court by now) and basically had to insist they call CPS. CPS said to go home, and they would call us later. They told DH that legally he had to return SD on BM's next scheduled visit, but he had to use his judgement as a parent. Basically, you can keep her if you want, but then you'll have to face the consequences because we won't back you up. They told us to file a police report which we did the next day. THEN that cop said, "You should have called us yesterday when all of this was happening. Now you won't have a case."
I said, "you know? THAT's FUNNY. Because I did, and your operator was not at all helpful. In short he told me not to call back unless we needed an ambulance." The cop stuttered and stammered about how that wasn't protocol, the operator should have told us if we took her to be checked to call them to send a detective right away, etc.
I learned a lot. Basically, unless BM is a drug addict, pimping SD to tricks, and burning her with cigarettes...well...they don't really feel comfortable getting in the middle of domestic diputes in my state. No wonder we have a domestic abuse problem in my county. The perpertrators know they will get away with it.
I think you're very lucky they came out at all, let alone twice. GOOD work! Document document document!
Peace, love, and red wine
Isn't it crazy?
That in order for a BM to even be considered to be MAYBE an unfit parent that she has to be doing those EXTREME things (like a drug addict, etc)???
It just blows my mind sometimes to know that even if that was happening that no one really backs you up on it? We've even been told that if BM was looped out on drugs all the time that we would have a very hard time proving it. Crazy, isn't it??
I honestly cannot believe that the police department would not come out for child abuse. That was just crazy. It actually had nothing to do with you or your DH (which seems to be why the dispatcher gave you grief)---this was about BM pushing SD around and threatening SD.
I do know in my state (different counties) actually do not take any kind of threat or abuse lightly. In a county I used to live in the officers told me that they had to respond to EVERY call concerning abuse or threats. This was mainly because of a case where a woman was being threatened by her estranged husband. The husband continued to say that he was going to kill this woman. This woman had called the cops every single time this happened---only to be told that since there was no pyhsical abuse by this man that she could not get a restraining order or protection from the police. After a while this man actually killed his estranged wife. Thus this county officers took everything seriously. (I think the police dept actually was sued by the woman's family too)
"Sometimes you have to test the limits to show you're not a doormat."
Here too
We had basically the same situation except BM went to her bf's family's home instead of an office. Police wouldn't do shit.
"One should examine oneself for a very long time before thinking of condemning others." ~Moliere