I know how it sounds, but seriously, this is what I have been wanting for a really long time. It is now day 10 of "vacation from hell", meaning that the kids are at our house and I thought it would be the end of me.

However, I have behaved really well these past few days. I have spent most of my time at work, and a lot of time at the gym, but still, I have not given a damn about them or their behavior at all. Not that they've been really bad, but just the little things that usually irritate me I have managed to ignore. I am completely numb to them or what they say or do. I love it!

DH has done a great job about arranging dinners, cleaning up, keeping the house clean and organized and setting up and enforcing rules. That certainly helps. But even so, I just feel nothing for them. I had told DH a few weeks ago that if we wanted to move on I had to forget and forgive everything. I would stop hating them, but I wouldn't be able to love them either because I don't want to have my heart broken anymore. DH wasn't very fond of it, but I think he knows its working well. Even SS16 said yesterday (in a very surprised tone): "Wow, I can't believe how nice you've been this week. I can't stand my brothers anymore and you don't even seem to be bothered by them." It was awesome!

So I believe that this is what disengagement is about. Just to realize that these are not my children and therefore I have no responsibility nor obligation towards them, hence, not my problem! Maybe I'll make it after all