Going around in circles
Follow up of what happened yesterday..
I was talking to my mother-in-law thinking that I could share how I felt safely with her. Then I found out that my husband had talked to his dad about me not wanting to take my SD for a walk. And then grandpa went to ask his wife (my mother-in-law)why I didn't want to take a walk with my SD. That is wonderful... go tell THE person who loves E the most in the world. I felt totally betrayed. I guess I will try to keep my feelings to myself next time.
Thanks for all your kind words. I do feel like a lot of what's happening is becasue of me. Why can't I just get along with everybody? Why can't I just force myself to be involved?
My husband said I needed to mature a lot, those 2 poor little girls lost their dad 6 years ago. He thinks I should bend backwards to make them happy if I want our marriage to work. I am jealous that he can give his emotions freely to his kids, hugs and kisses and I love yous. I feel like I am being punished for being here all the time.
Anyways, it's all about me, isn't it?
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This is the one place where
This is the one place where it is.."all about us". We're taught to stuff our emotions..don't let them show..be nice..and put everyone elses needs & feelings first. If "God forbid!!" we have a jealous or mean thought, we must pretend it didn't happen. This is good therapy...be honest with yourself..realize you are not alone..and it helps to hear others perspectives.
And You're not alone..I just had the same "betrayal" from my BF concerning my oldest SD's behavior not that long ago. I thought we were having a private conversation between us..he ran back to youngest SD..who I know will run right back to her sister.
I had the same reaction as you! ...Last time I'll discuss my feelings with him... But you know.. that only makes it worse....if you do that..it's the beginning of the end. So I stewed for while...had it out with him about a week later. We both understand each others side a little better..
In my case BF was trying to "fix" it .. the best way he knows how.. To us its a betrayal. Keep the communication happening..
By the way .. was talking to mother-in-law about the situation helpful?
Be careful who you talk to
Dear Angelcat06,
You will find that even if you think that you can confide in your husband's family, things have a way of getting misconstrued and will end up blowing up in your face. For awhile, until you are able to establish a circle of friends around you that have similiar interests of your own, it's probably best to just share your feelings with others on the site or your pastor from your church. That's really about the only people you'll be able to count on for right now as your confidantes. Many of us here, have already had the experience and utter disbelief of having family members share what we believed to be our own personal "secrets" that we didn't want anyone to know. It's very disheartening and hard to get over.
And what you'll find, is that even if you try to talk to husband about it, chances are, that he will only be defensive.
I am not sure if you work or are active in your community, but I would suggest that you get involved around you. Developing some interests will help you to meet other people, and in turn, change your focus and perspective a bit. I hope that this information helps you a bit; we are all here to help each other whenever we can. It's just that I seen this situation happen quite a few times now, and I am sorry to see it happen so often.
I hope that you will be doing something else over the weekend so that you can enjoy some sunshine and get a better perspective to start the new week.
Regards,
Sweetie
I use to talk to my mother
I use to talk to my mother in law too on how ugly biomom could get at times. But I stopped, I don't feel comfortable now. I know that my mother in law does not hate biomom and that biomom calls my mother in law when she needs someone to watch her son. So I felt a bit awkward revealing her all the problems when I know in back of my mind that she does not dislike her. I can't talk to in laws because I don't know how or what type of relationship they all had before I came in the picture. Better yet, talk to your brother/sister/friend or this site.
I guess I'm lucky that I can
I guess I'm lucky that I can talk to my sister-in-law. She's married to my BF's brother. She was the first one in the family to go through this...2nd wife..step-mom..psycho X..thing.
We were just talking yesterday about what it was like for her with no one to talk to about things..how everyone reacted to her. She says "I paved the way for you!!!" She sure did.... I'm lucky to have her as a confidant, the brothers are alike in many ways..and we completely understand how each other feels.
On the other hand..we have an original sister-in-law who was best freinds with both of our hubby's X's growing up..etc. She doesn't hang out with them or anything but we feel she still has some loyalty to them. We don't confide in her about these issues.. you do have to be careful who you talk to.
We do tease her once in a while when she gets "lippy" lol and tell her that "You first wives are all on the way out..us 2nd wives are taken over!" She just laughs & usually calls us a name...
It's nice to be understood by someone whose been through it....