new game plan
OK I spoke with dh tonight and we made a new game plan for bm. From now on we are going to have some basic rules that we will expect her to follow.
1) She will be expected to follow the co period. If she doesn't dh will report to the police and he husbands commanding officer every time.
2)If she has complaints dh will keep me in the loop so that we can deal with them together, and I will handle complaints about the things I am directly in charge with ie clothing food ect. If she doesn't want to discuss it with me she will be sol.
3)She will either provide dh with all school and dr records or dh will take the co (which says he has shared legal custody) and get copy's himself, along with letting school know that he is to be included in any and all meetings from here out.
4) There will be records kept of all visitations, conversations with bm, all phone calls will be recorded and stored and all text logged.
5) If she has any complaints about the following rules she will be welcomed to take her complaint to court where we will counter sue for full custody.
What do ya think am I missing anything?
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This is what I think too.
This is what I think too. This has nothing to do with BM's DH's work. She also won't be required by any court to communicate with you on any issues. The court will want her to communicate with DH on issues.
We do need to involve her
We do need to involve her husbands commanding officer because they live on base and they use the base to keep the ss from visitations when they aren't getting what they want
(if they didn't live on base the commanding officer would not be involved at all). her husband chose the military and he knows the consequences of breaking the law, if he chooses to back her up in withholding visitation by not bringing the child off base then he gets what he deserves, and by law the commanding officer must be notified if the police and mp's are involved, we have tried our hardest to be reasonable and not do this and they have continued to use it as a means to deny our rights.Personally the last thing either of us want is for the police to have to remove the child, but its that or do it her way.
as to the speaking to me, I personally don't feel the need to be involved with her, but clothes and food have become her new torture tactic for my husband, I buy all of ss8 clothes for here and I launder and return what needs to be returned, of which she is aware. She has needled him for 3 wks about missing clothes that he knows nothing about, if she wants to continue then she needs to bring it up with me for the last yr and a half that was how we did it and it worked well I see no reason why she needs to change things other then it giving her a reason to yell at my husband. Its the same with food, she just uses it as a reason to stir the pot, so the idea is to go back to what worked.
IMHO… I think you all are
IMHO… I think you all are going to make this 10 times worse that it is. If my EX came to me and told me this…”list” I would laugh in his face then get pissed….
Rule #1). Is ½ of a good “rule”. But how is BM’s husbands commander going to control what BM does…?
Rule #2). As a BM, I would tell you to F yourself on this one. So would the courts.
Rule #3). Your DH needs to go get copies anyway! Why wait on BM? Sounds like he is trying to control her by “making” her get him copies. DH needs to man up and do that himself.
Rule #4). Good idea. Make sure to check your states recording laws first though.
Rule #5). Do not put something like that in writing to BM. It looks like a threat and the question will be asked…why not go for custody right now if it is that bad.
I don’t’ want to sound harsh, I know how hard it is to deal with a froot loop BM, but some of this stuff you listed may not be helpful to your DH at all. Good luck!
Ok, first I'm not writing
Ok, first I'm not writing this down and handing it to her this is just for us.
On the first rule, as a person in the armed forces you are required to not break the law, and if you get married and live on base then your spouse is also held to this rule, the military will hold him accountable for what is done on base by himself and her, I know because we checked out how to get visitation when they do this and the military police explained all of this, and as for his commander, he has the right to put him in the brig, suspend him, remove them from the base, or if it continues he could be thrown out of the air force all together, the same can happen for building up too much debt, or not paying child support, or getting too many tickets, and the list goes on, but we don't actually have to make the call, we just have to report her to the military police, and they do the informing the commander, although the one and only time we pushed it he did call us to let us know what the consequences would be if the police continued being called.For the last 6 mo we have tried everything to do this in a way that won't affect him this way, but they will not stop. My dh works for the IRS and its akin to what would happen to him if he cheated on his taxes or if I cheated on my taxes, it is an automatic fired and up on charges where a non-IRS employee would just get a fine. When you work for the government your are held to a higher standard, and so is your spouse, there is also a morals clause for both jobs that says you are accountable for your spouses behavior, its very cut and dry.
As to the second one she doesn't have to call me, but if she wants to continue complaining then she will be given that choice, or she will be ignored by dh, god knows I won't initiate contact, and its not about court, again on clothing, she has bitched and moaned for 3 wks about the same stuff, o we are thinking more of a "I have already talked to you about this and have nothing else to say you can take it up with angela, if you need more details."
As to the third, again she lives on a military base, she keeps the kid on the military base at all times, he goes to school there sees drs there does sports there......because of that it is a bitch and a half to get paper work, and again it takes mp intervention and a call to his commander, so dh has nicely on several occasions asked for copy's, She does this because she knows how hard it is to get anything, he has to get a military pass and sponsor to go on base to talk to the school, do you know who his sponsor has to be if her husband won't do it? yep that's right his commanding officer. So again its not him being lazy, its him being respectful, and all that is going to end if she doesn't start being reasonable.
again the last is between him and I we haven't gone for full custody at this point because we had a baby 13 wks early in sept. he was in critical care in the children s hospital until the end of dec., and if you have read my other post then you know that there are a lot of complications, aside from her being on base, as soon as we catch up on the $400000 we owe, we will be there fighting it out, and if she wants to start proceedings then we are happy, his work has a program for legal assistants in that case. WE will verbally welcome her to challenge the co in court if she doesn't like the visitation that set up now, the rest is what we are prepared to seek ....not something we will actually say.