I appreciate the welcome. I forgot to add that he also abuses small animals and that I am terrified to leave him for even a moment with the baby between that and his inappropriate touching....

His mother refuses to get him help and we see him 36 hrs every two weeks....I know hes not a lost cause but I feel like without help he is a budding sociopath....I don't know how to get him help, and honestly I am terrified of what he might do....if he can throw a cat off a 2 story building or into a running culvert, or throw a 6 lb dog across a room, what will he do to my baby if he gets a chance?

Its not that my husband doesn't want him to see a councilor, its that we honestly can't find one that works between sat at noon and sun at 7. Neither of us leave the baby alone with him even to go to the bathroom, or the animals for that matter, but it is very very hard. my husband even set up counciling and asked her to take him (we are willing to pay) but she refused saying there is nothing wrong with him. You would think that even she would realize that an eight year old who does this stuff and has also been kicked out of 5 schools for aggressive and/or sexually inappropriate behavior needs help....instead she insists its our fault, and he is learning it here

I have a 16 yr old autistic bs who was basically molested by him, now don't get me wrong my son should have come to me or some one and told them that the ss was threatening him, and touching him, but my bs is about the same mentality as the ss so like any kid he was scared and he did the wrong thing, we live in an awesome state that feels that handicapped children are a much bigger risk for becoming molesters so they locked him up and threw away the key, even though both he and my ss and the therapist and various officials felt that the ss 'instigated and perpetrated the sexual misconduct' at that point we asked cps to at least order therapy if not try to investigate how an 8 yr old knows how to do sexual acts and where he learned..."if you don't do this I will tell my mother and then you will go to jail for the rest of your life" (remember this is what the ss told them he did to get my bs to participate) and it wasn't even the first time he had done this much to my dismay I found out he had been expelled at least twice for doing this to kids at school. They said because of his age they felt he was just being promiscuous and that it was up to his mother if she wanted to get him treated. She told his that he didn't need it he wasn't responsible for any of this. So until he is 10 and molests someone or hurts a younger child this state will not step in.

Thank you you have no idea how much that means, I have bottled up a lot of this and I just am at this place where I don't know where to go. I miss my bs so much but I love the ss too.... I just wish I could get him help, he isn't evil.....I truly believe his behaviors stem from him being a victim and his idiot bm pretending nothing is wrong

Thank you, and keep in mind mentally the 16 yr old is more like an 8 yr old that's the key. I think the ss was doing what he had been taught....the whole situation sucks I feel like I failed both of them.

I really do realize that, but its hard the signs were there but I missed them, you just don't expect an 8 yr old to be capable of it you know? I think my worst problem right now is that I feel very guilty and I absolutely detest the bm.... I don't know how to get around that I never want my ss to see that, she is his mother for good or bad so I try to always keep that bottled up, but feel like she really carry's a lot of the blame for what we are going through now. If she would get him help, or allow us to get him help maybe things would get better, instead she does her best to make it impossible to do anything. Its like if she admits he has a problem then she admits she has a problem. I get so mad, how can anyone just allow this to keep going? doesn't she see how much she's hurting him? She just continues to blame it on my son regardless of her son saying it was him(to the police no less, my son just told them it was all his(my sons) fault)How can she pretend it will all just get better on its own? Its obvious that some one has sexually abused my ss why isn't she trying to find out who? He started touching children two yrs before I met my husband so obviously this is not all my fault....I love my children, step or not and I just wish she would love hers enough to protect him.....its very hard having your hands tied this way, life is not fair sometimes....and even worse she mentally abuses the kid horribly, always trying to make herself look good but she never thinks about what it does to him. When I had the baby I was in the hospital on his birthday, I was 6 months pregnant and facing an emergency c-section, which she knew, so she told my ss we didn't want to see him for his birthday, instead of the truth, he was so upset....when I called her two days later to tell her the baby had been born and because we didn't know if he would make it that we wanted him to have a chance to go to a special NICU class that taught children about micro preemies and let them see their new baby so that if something happens they have that mental help to understand get through whats happening, and she actually threw a fit about how she had a lot going on and I just didn't understand how hard her life was, and she just didn't think my ss needed help with it.....shes just horrible....really really horrible, like me losing my bs, and not being allowed to see my ss and not knowing if my baby would live was just chopped liver?

Thanks Rags, luckily my hubby and I are both on the same page (90%)with my ss, its the bm that is causing the problems in this case, although I don't exactly know what I should or shouldn't do as far as discipline with him, I am normally backed up, and I don't believe in allowing any child to run my life, but how do you get them to not be so dominate? Its just the constant one upping, my husband will call him on it but he just keeps doing it....

Its kinda a moot point because in Utah you have to be 10 or 5 yrs older then the child, so either way the authority won't get involved for a few more years. They have really retarded laws here.

Well the moving isn't an option, and We are extremely careful to never allow the baby alone with him, so for the moment that is taken care of (on another note our friends and family are also very aware of the situation so he is NEVER left unsupervised with any child when with us).
I always talk to my husband about the ss I feel that if we don't communicate the good and the bad that we won't have a relationship for very long, so he ALWAYS hears about it, and he actually agrees that the ss could be a danger and that he must be watched like a hawk, he even started installing cameras in the house just in case.
There are a few things that may change in the future (assuming that my prayers that bm get in a fiery wreck don't come true)
One is that she just got married to an air force guy who is being placed over seas, we have taken the stance that he will refuse to sign a pass port, we are hoping that she will leave him behind, thus allowing us to get the help and treatment he needs, that's the best case scenario.
The one we all fear is that she just got knocked up (can't torture them if you don't have a pawn to hold over their head) because she is so sure her son is an angel we are worried that he will end up locked up when he hurts her baby (which WILL happen).
I don't think either of us are ready to totally give up on him, although we have talked about what will have to happen if he acts out in the smallest way towards the baby, both of us are very aware that we may have to walk away at some point.

Thank you snarky, I promise I am very vigilant, I honestly never leave the baby alone when he is here, he even sleeps with me, as do my animals, I know I can't trust him for even a second. I appreciate your input, and I believe my friend was right this is a good place for me to come and talk.