Yesterday was my birthday. DH took the kid home early so we could celebrate. We ended up getting into an arguement instead. Initially the arguement wasnt directly about sd, but endend up being about her.
He was upset with me because of something I had done to piss him off. Well, after getting an ass chewing for longer than I thought was deserved, I got pissed off. That's when I unloaded months worth of aggravation onto him. There was so much that was discussed that I couldnt even get it all down, but I will summarize the best I can.
I told him that he was wrong for alot of the decisions he has made regarding his daughter and myself such as--- him ignoring me both in person and on the phone when she's around; snapping to when she demands something (which is alot); letting her prevent us from talking by interrupting, talking loudly over us,and physically getting in between us saying "hold me dada" :sick:; throwing it in my face that his love for me is nothing like his love for her. Even the issue of him touching her on the butt to much (which was a weird one for me to discuss with him). First of all he told me that he was not aware that he was patting her on the butt that often, he did not realize there was anything wrong with it. I told him that there may not be anything wrong with it, but I was still uncomfortable with it and did not want to have to see him do that in my home. Playing the self-pitty card that he always does when I gripe at him, he said "well you must just think that I am some kind of perverted sicko don't you?" Which I do not think that at all.
I informed him that I would be resigning myself of my "step-motherly" postion since he did not listen to me about discipline issues. He accused me of hating his child. This accusation offended me. I told him that was not the case, and that she's just a child that cannot be aware of her actions unless he steps up and becomes a parent to her instead of a friend. It was like he didnt want to hear that and just kept saying that I did not want him and his child in my life. Maybe the idea of me hating his kid was easier for him to grasp than the idea that he was being neglectful of his parental duties.
Long story short, this went on for a while and by the time everything had been said that could be, he apologized to me and tried to assure me that he was not trying to shun me when she was around. He also said that he really wanted me to be a part of the raising of his child, he respected my opinion, and that he would support me when made a discilplinary decision about her.
This all sounds great, and is, but I'm just not 100% sure that he will follow through. For the sake of our relationship I hope he does.