I have been trying so hard not to let things bother me. Sometimes I feel like its building up inside. Lately BM and BF have been getting along better. This would not be such a big deal but the better they get along the worse BM treats me. Its like Im the plague not and all I do is get in her way. She wants to have "family" time with BF her and SD1. So that SD1 will know that they can get along. During these times I guess she wants to discuss things with BF so they can be on the same page where SD1 is concerned.

So over the last week BM has been asking BF how much tires would cost at his work. He told her and she said that was too much. End of story? Of course not. I guess yesterday while BF and I were with his daughter BM went to a junk yard and bought some tires. When she comes to pick up SD1 she asks BF how much will it cost if I bring the tires up to get them put on at your work? BF who previously said that she was on her own for any car work, he was not going to do any of it for her and if he did he would kill her on charges, says, just bring them up I will do them for free. WTF? A 360?

So recently my BF asked BM about a new guy who has been hanging around. This guy has been with her to pick up SD1 three times in a row. BM said that he is "just a friend and that she feels bad cause he doesn't have a lot of other friends and she was trying to get rid of him." Last night when they came to pick up SD1 BM whispered something to him, his reply was "Its up to you how much you say." Then she says that he is looking at buying a house and apparently there are rentable rooms in the house where she is intending on moving to.

This gets harder and harder. I want a baby of my own, someone who I can cuddle with and care for and not get any smack for it. I am jealous of my BF for the simple fact that he has a child. I love her and him both and Im ok with them, but I just want a baby that will want me to hold it when it cries. I watch my BF hold his daughter when she cries and her cling to him, I want that.