Immigrated stepdad feels unhappy
Alrighty, here goes... (Also, I hope this post is suitable for this forum and topic. If not, I apologize.) I'm not looking for answers here so much as I'm looking for input and people's advise and opinions. Regardless, any advise and thoughts you can offer are greatly appreciated. Thanks, guys.
I'm a Swedish citizen who met my current wife online. She was an American, I was a Swede. At the time I served in the Swedish Army, a job that I loved. For about two years, we had an online relationship, after which I retired from the Army to immigrate via a marriage based K1-visa, and marry her. Her son, my stepson, is 9 years old. It was a painful process of paperwork and US embassy visits, but after about six months, we got it done, and I moved across the Atlantic to be with her and my stepson.
At first, our marriage was great, though the American society was definitely a culture shock to me. In the Swedish Army, I, among other things served as a royal guardsman, a very well paid job that I considered an honor. When I came to the US, it was hard finding a job. First, I worked at Walmart for a while, and then at a bowling alley. Now, through a ridiculous stroke of luck that I won't go into, I have a better job, working at a warehouse as a full-time employee.
Now, my wife is a wonderful person. I love her, and I love my stepson, more than anything else. However, over the last two years, our differing personalities have become very clear to me. She, and her son, are both very hotheaded, and somewhat incapable of reining in their tempers. They get irritated very, very easily, and angry as well. On the other side of the spectrum, I've always, even moreso since my time in the Army, held my emotions under ironclad lock. My opinion have always been that angry outbursts solve nothing. Over time, this has started wearing me down. I've mentioned it to both in the past, but it seems to do no good as far as them learning to control their temper.
I can handle that, though. But I have other problems stressing me out, and wearing me down as well. For one, I have not seen my family, (my mother, my brother sister, as well as my dad who I recently reconnected with online after 15+ years of us not having any contact) since my wedding two years ago. I miss my home country, I miss them, and I miss the benefits and security of living in Sweden, such as free healthcare, cheaper dental, etc.
I also miss my job, incredibly much. As a former royal guardsman, working at Walmart was degrading - though no doubt good for me, as it gave me perspective, and humbled me, which is always a good thing for a person to experience. Same with the bowling alley. Working at the warehouse is not degrading. I like my job well enough - but I miss the military a great deal. In the Swedish military we call the civilian world, "the civilian darkness", and after leaving the Army, I have begun to fully realize the truth of the term. I feel like a mindless drone just going to work every day, working hard, going home, going to sleep, and then rince and repeat. Whereas the Army was a job with a point, a purpose, a job where each day was different and posed a new set of problems to solve. Not to mention the great paycheck a royal guardsman could earn, with which I could easily travel across the Atlantic on occasion - unlike on my current paycheck and American vacation time, which doesn't allow for such frivolities.
I've also always considered myself an adventurer, and a traveler. I love travelling, and again, my current paycheck and life doesn't allow for it. I find myself, although I don't want to think like that, thinking about how much time and money I wasted in the Army, that I could have spent instead travelling, experiencing adventures and seeing the world. It gives me a certain sense of panic that I can't quite understand.
And as a factor of stress, a few days ago, my wife asked me on our way home from work, how serious I was about having children with her. The question took me back, and (as I tend to do) I answered wearily with a "Why....?" She told me that she doesn't want any more children, citing reasons such as being slightly overweight, unhealthy, and getting older (She's 32 now, I'm 29, and by her logic by the time we'd be able to afford a house and be able to have a child, she'd be 34). And so she asked me again how badly I wanted children. Again it took me aback, and, I confess, I decided to buy time mostly out of shock, and said I needed to think about it.
She hasn't brought it up again and neither have I. I've always made it clear to her that I want children, or at least a child, and for a long time she seemed to be onboard with the idea, when we were ready and capable of caring for said child. So now, I'm shocked, confused about my own emotions, and find myself questioning everything that is my life. So, not only am I stressed out from all the previous factors, but I'm also struggling to figure out what I have to do.
The fact is, I could handle any one of these issues on their own, but all together has worn me down something incredible, and I think of myself, somewhat arrogantly, as a rather emotionally impervious person. And now I face the notion of never having my own child, and to be honest, it scares me. A lot. I've been thinking about whether or not I should talk to her and whether or not I need to break up our marriage... It's a painful thought though, because I love her, and I don't want to cause either of us that pain, and and and (add a multitude of reasonable and unreasonable reasons here).
Part of me wants to stay with her, part of me wishes I had never immigrated in the first place. Right now, all I feel is one big fat depression and a lot of pain. I feel like I'm suffocating emotionally.
That's a big wall of text. Sorry about that, ladies and gents. I think aside from advise, thoughts and opinions, I also just needed to write this down, put my thoughts in text.
I can relate to a lot of what
I can relate to a lot of what you're saying.
I also moved to be with my spouse. I left behind friends, family, and a city I was very comfortable in. My husband lived in a city only 4 hours away, but long distance is still long distance whether it requires a 4 hour drive or 14 hour plane ride. I can't imagine moving to a different country, so you are very brave for doing that!
I've been married since July 2014 (and I only dated my husband for a year before we got married), but I've already felt a lot of depression and uncertainty. I find myself resenting the fact that I had to move, the fact that my husband already has a child and isn't too eager to have more (he says he will if I want more kids, but I'd rather be with someone who KNOWS they want kids, not just because their spouse wants them). I also keep encountering differences that I didn't really notice as clearly while we were dating. For instance, like you, I love travel and adventure, but my husband is not like that. He sees travel as more of a hassle and a huge expense. For me, travel is totally something I would spend money on because it's something I value.
I can understand how frustrating it is for you to be feeling all of these emotions, especially since you've sacrificed so much. Do you think you love your wife enough to want to work through these complicated emotions?
You definitely need to have another serious conversation with her about having kids. If it's a non-negotiable for you, then she needs to know that and then you two can move forward from there. All you can do at this point is to wait to see what she says. If she sticks to not wanting more kids, then you have your answer.
I'm actually in the process of initiating a separation from my husband, but it's also for reasons beyond what I described above.
Good luck to you. I hope you gain some clarity.
Hello, I'm glad you found
Hello,
I'm glad you found this forum and I hope you get some comfort.
I am from Europe and my first husband was born and raised in America. Like you two, we were very different (i'm the passionate, loud one and he's the introvert), but I think the cultural differences really became a problem for us after we had a child. Before you have a child together your differences don't matter much. Once you have a child, you each want to teach your values and raise them the way you were raised. The problem was that we were raised very differently and had different values. So it was unnecessarily hard, with both of us wondering from time to time, "now why did you do that?"
I am now married to a European, and even though we are from different countries in Europe, our parents raised us with the same values. We are frugal, we keep our possessions like new so that they last longer, we cook whole foods, we never tell people how much money we make, lol! Stuff like that. This makes it very easy for us to raise chihldren together. It just comes naturally, we were both raised the same way, so we just naturally raise our children the same way we were raised. It helps that we are more compatible psychologically, but the cultural thing IS a big deal when you have kids.
This is important to consider.
I also think that missing your country is a big deal. I did go visit mine, but I had been gone so long that I had changed and I would no longer want to move back. It may be a good idea to go visit your country to see if you really want to live there ore are just longing for the past.
One thing for sure, you are doing the right thing by questioning your directioin. If you are depressed at the prospect of continuning this kind of lifestyle, you need to listen to that. This is telling you something.
Also, if you DO want children, and your wife does not, do not force her. Make a clean break and find a partner that's a better match. This may not be the right fit... (I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I'm just reading what you wrote).
Welcome, I hope that you find
Welcome, I hope that you find this to be a good place to vent, contribute, and pick up some useful perspective from others who are living the blended family dream.
My thoughts regarding your situation are that marriage, any committed relationship for that matter, should be mutually advantageous to both of the adults in that relationship. The relationship should enhance each of you. A marriage should not require that either party give up who they are.
In your marriage it appears that you gave up yourself. I understand that you committed to this woman but that should not require you or anyone else to abandon who they are.
I learned this lesson during the demise of my first marriage. I gave up being the Rags I enjoyed being and became a person that I did not much care for. When my XW gave the gift of running off with her geriatric Fortune 500 executive sugar daddy boy friend I got my life back. It took a while but I did reconnect with the person I enjoy being. That allowed me to move on, improve myself, and find an amazing person to spend my life with. My wicked smart, stunning, accomplished bride and I make a life together and have given each other the world. We started this journey more than 21 years ago and it has done nothing but get better. Don't get me wrong. There have been challenges and struggles. We battled my step son's sperm clan for 16+ years under a Custody/Visitation/Support order, we supported each other through college and graduate school studies, we make each other better and together were able to raise a young man of character and honor who like you has served his country.
If you are not in that type of marriage then you have some soul searching to do I think.
If your bride does not make you a better you, then reconnect with the you that you like being and move on. You have given up too much to keep sacrificing more for a marriage that does not improve on your life and improve on the man of character and service that you obviously are.
IMHO of course. Take care of yourself. You can't care for others if you don't.
Good luck and welcome to the USA.
^^Wise words^^
^^Wise words^^
I agree with going back to
I agree with going back to visit your country before making any huge decisions. My parents came to the US from Hungary, and throughout my childhood, my mother always longed for "home". When we finally went to visit, she no longer felt it was home, and was happier back in the US. I have another friend from Japan who is living in the US. She says sometimes she feels "homeless" because Japan is no longer home, but she doesn't entirely fit in here. She eventually married someone who was from Sri Lanka living in the US, and they are both happy having created their own home. What you are feeling is very normal.
As for the wife not wanting more children, that's a bigger concern. That would be a deal-breaker for me. I would work this out sooner rather than later because the longer you stay in the US, the less likely Sweden will feel like home, and would you want to start over alone here if you find you really want more children and she doesn't. Just a thought, though, 34 is not too old to have children. I had my first at 34, second at 35, and third at 37. I'm almost 39 and considering a 4th. As my husband puts it, I have the rest of my life to try to lose weight, but a limited time to have children. My husband is also much older than I am.
I am sorry for the depression feelings. I hope these comments have helped at least a little.
I didn't read all the
I didn't read all the comments, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating. Aside from the emotional aspects, there is the issue that you left a good country and job for one that has a crappy economy. That stinks. I would say join the US army, but that isn't my advice to anyone anymore.
My mother is a German immigrant. She left Germany to be with my father. To this day (they been married 40 years) she says she should have stayed in Germany. Things like, "if I had known America would be like this, I'd had stayed in Germany." Now that I'm an adult, she tells me she loves my father but resents him. I have seen her break down missing home and cry over how she has to work crappy jobs here becuase the schooling is done differently and American companies don't care or understand her education level.
As a step parent with no bio kids... There are days I deeply want my own child. Sometimes I wonder if it isn't just because I want the ability to parent (which I don't have now). Sometimes I think I just want someone who will take care of me when I'm old. I know my sd would let me rot if my wife is gone first.
Anyways, you have to decide. Why can you not talk your wife into moving to Sweden? Does she not know your lifestyle will be better?
What about the father? If
What about the father? If dad is the picture, then movinb the kid to another country to please the OP is wrong. If mom wants to move with the OP, she should offer dad full custody.
I know in my case, my sd
I know in my case, my sd father would be the one to just walk away. He knows he can't care for her full-time and so long as he got vacation time with her he would be happy.
Every case is different.
Thank you, guys, for your
Thank you, guys, for your great replies. I'm overwhelmed with the support I've gotten from all of you, and I really appreciate your thoughts and advise.
There has been some questions that I should answer later when I have time alone. For now, I just wanted all of you to know how much I appreciate your support. You're all the best!
I understand you completely
I understand you completely as I too am not a US national (or even a citizen yet). I haven't seen my family in 6 years and I don't even know when I will see them and I miss them horribly. It gets easier (aka the pain of not seeing your loved ones becomes sort of so...usual that you start being desensitized with time, but the wound is always there). It is very hard and I feel for you.
I also feel for you about the cultural shock. I have been here 10 years and even after 10 years there are still things that I will never get used to (granted, after having been here so long, I know i would also have a reverse cultural shock going back to my country). It is like a catch 22: you never feel like you are an American, yet after some time you no longer feel like you belong to the country you came from. And people in both countries consider you a "foreigner". If you haven't experienced it after having lived here for 2 years, I promise you, you will later on if you stay here longer.
I don't have an advice for you as far as your relationship goes. I think it was a good idea to take time to think about it. Children is a big deal and you do need to evaluate if you want to be in a relationship with someone who no longer wants to have children. Your wife is certainly not old to have kids. And she is capable to loose some weights and start eating healthier etc. if she wants to and wants to make it hear goal (and both of you could make it a joint activity that you do together). But if there are more reasons and there is something deeper going on, then you need to think if you are okay not having your bio children and have a talk with her and tell her that it is very important to you to have a child or children together. I will warn you, however, that being an international and having a child with a US citizen can have some scary consequences. I am dealing with fears of those possibilities myself as I am expecting a child with my SO and I am already scared of what can happen in case our relationship doesn't work out. Children born in the US are US citizens and US government doesn't like to have little US citizens leave the US in cases of international divorces and custody battles. Just something to think about. That is not to scare you. It should not be a fear in a solid relationship. But if you are not happy with a lot of things yet you can convince your wife to have a child and later down the road you still end up in a divorce, child custody can get VERY messy ***unless you 2 can just figure it all out mutually***
I am not a man and the struggle of earning less money and having a lower status are a bit different for women (i think), but if i had a great career back home (which i did not) and then had to work at wall mart, I too would not be too thrilled. I applaud your attitude for seeing positives in that situation.
I would say, join US military, but I am pretty sure you would not like it there. I am sure US military is drastically different from Swedish one, but it might be something to look into if you are interested. That is if you are a green card holder already.
Just take your time to evaluate your choice, the children issue, if you can get used to living here or if you can move your family to Sweden with you. Think about if it is the country you are unhappy about and your employment situation or if it is your relationship with your wife and step son that makes you most unsatisfied. Think and make a decision based on what you feel is right
Thank you for your input as
Thank you for your input as well, Neskajy. As you're going through the same thing, it is very valuable.
I've spent a lot of today thinking about it, being unusually quiet, down, and such and such. I think although I like to think I mask my emotions well, my wife suspects that I'm not entirely happy. In fact, I'm pretty sure I suck at hiding it. Unfortunately, I think it's hurting her feelings in the process, but I feel incapable of getting out of this slump either. I love her so much it's not even funny, and the last thing in the world that I want to do is hurt her.
But... I've spent the day trying to think of ways to make a life for myself here in the US that I could accept. I can't seem to do it. When I first got here, I wanted to join the police, but that requires a college degree that I don't have, and can't afford (in this country... In Sweden, it's free) to get. It also requires a citizenship.
I've also thought about joining the US Army, on multiple occasions. At one point, it got pretty serious, but then my wife decided that she didn't want to spend our lives moving from one base to another, to other countries and the like. And in the end, I decided, that was for the best, because honestly, I came to realize that, if I'm going to serve in any country's army, it has to be my own. It would not be the same to enlist with the US military unfortunately.
To make matters more rushed, my old squad leader from the Royal Guards messaged me on Facebook today, letting me know that the Royal Guards are recruiting for this year now. The application period ends on February 12, so I'm also left trying to decide whether or not to apply there. It's nagging in the back of my head, stressing me out, on top of everything else.
There were some questions in the previous posts that I wanted to answer, so I will exercise some copy and paste here.
1. Will you actually get better employment back in Sweden?
Yes. My platoon commander, a man that I can only describe in terms like "great" or "larger than life", told me in these exact words on my last day with the Royal Guards; "When you come back, you'll have a job here waiting for you". In addition, as I mentioned, the Royal Guards are now recruiting, as the unit is being reformed.
2. While you are justifiably proud of your service in the Royal Guard - is that a career help in Sweden? I had an ex-marine boyfriend who was hugely successful in the military but never succeeded on civvy street because he had too big a self image and couldnt accept lower rank.
While I served in the Royal Guards, we used to jokingly (a result of the very particular esprit de corpse in the Guards, being the only unit in the Swedish Army directly under the command of the King of Sweden, and the world's oldest military unit) refer to civilians as "peasants" or "plebs", and other soldiers as part of "peasant militia", all in the spirit of arrogant 18th Century noblemen. It was, of course, all in jest. Truth be told, I try to be a very humble man, which has helped me a lot in the military, as well as the civilian world here in the US.
That being said, if I returned to Sweden, I would definitely not choose a job in the civilian world. On the contrary, I would reenlist, with plans to apply to the Officers' Academy in a year or two to become a commissioned or non-commissioned officer. Probably the former. In the current state of the Swedish military, there is a great need for officers with backgrounds such as mine, so I would have little problem being accepted and start on a good career in the military.
As a sidenote, my dad, whom I reconnected with and whom lives in Germany now with a new wife, served abroad as a major in the Swedish Army, in a career that spanned approximately 25 years. He served as a UN observer in countries such as Bosnia, Mozambique, Israel, Syria and Jordan. He, and his career, has always been my inspiration in my military lif
3. Can you keep trying for a better job in America or would even that not make you happy?
I could do that, and the fact is, long term, I have quite a good shot at getting a good job here. The reason I got a job at the warehouse was that, by a fluke, I met another Swede living in this city, a wealthy man who is the sales manager of a local supply company, and also the adoptive son of the company's owner. He got me a job there, and I'm certain if I put in enough effort - I'm already one of their best warehouse workers, I daresay - I could become a salesman with the company, and make good commissions, especially with the connections I have. The owner of the company himself came to the warehouse one afternoon jusst to make sure I enjoyed the work I was doing there.
But, as much as I have tried to "psyche" myself into it, and in the first few months that I worked there, I thoroughly enjoyed the work... It's not working. I really don't want to do this for my whole life. As I mentioned in my original post, working a civilian job - any civilian job outside of, I suspect, armed security contracting in third world countries - makes me feel like a mindless drone. Repetitive tasks, no excitement, no variety, and, most importantly, no purpose, at least not as great a purpose as what I did in the Army had.
4. Sounds like your partner does not want more children. The extra work of a new child could put additional stress on the relationship, and you can bet that will come back to be blamed on you. The fact that you always told her you wanted a child, and now she is backing out...that too needs to be considered a game changer. She has no right to get into a marriage on those terms and then change her mind.
I agree on this. Because I love her, I give her the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she fooled herself into believing she wanted children with me, out of love for me, or perhaps she genuinely wanted children but thought otherwise on it in time. But that it's a game changer, that is definitely true. And it doesn't feel fair.
5. Why can you not talk your wife into moving to Sweden? Does she not know your lifestyle will be better?
I would love to. For a while, we actually talked about it. However, she has shared custody with my stepson's dad, who lives in Minnesota. The man is a drunken lout who recently got in legal trouble for choking his new girlfriend...while our stepson was there. However, she withdrew her charges on him. Me and my wife talked to a lawyer to try and take sole custody with no visitation rights. Our lawyer (In Missouri) claimed that the courts would not let that happen, that they would want the father to be able to see his son. He then told us that we could make it harder for him, by having the Court put requirements in for him to take anger management therapy and AA meetings or something to that effect.
We haven't heard anything more from him so far, but that kind of reduced my hopes for all of us to move to Sweden, to rubble. I also offered her the idea of maybe pursuing the alternative of me adopting him, but she brushed it off as something that was very unlikely to happen. That hurt my feelings, but I got over it, and she might be right for all I know. I asked the question, so I can't really complain about her giving me an answer I did not like.
6. Have you also thought about counseling with her, since there is a personality/social clash? Would she be open to that?
I should clarify, again, I love my wife. We don't fight, we don't argue, aside from the very, very occasional argument. Her temper and frustration is sometimes directed at me, however, but more often, it's directed at traffic, or it's just frustration or irritation in general when something doesn't go "right". She gets "frazzled" easily, and she gets grumpy in the mornings. Since it never really escalates to fights, I don't know if it's something that needs to be dealt with in counseling. However, I won't reject the idea completely. It's definitely something to think about. Though I suspect I might need the counseling more than she, haha...
That's the answers to some of the questions here. I might have more to write later. Again, I really, really appreciate your support, guys, and insight. The moment I started reading your replies, I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace, as if this was exactly what I needed to hear...well, read.
First of all, you need a
First of all, you need a different lawyer. If the bio father chocked his girlfriend if front of his son, not only is it grounds for sole custody, but as a mother I would not allow my child anywhere near such a father. Your wife should not have withdrawn charges. And if the man really has drinking problems it is even more of an issue. But what is one is done. However, if he man is truly an unfit father (and it is not just the desire to separate a child and him for convenience, which I am sure is not your intention) then you and your wife need to start to collect evidence (what your child tells you, how the man acts when he receives or returns the child and whatever reports come to you such us him hitting his girlfriend or any incidents like that) and take that man to court and fight for sole custody. For the sake of the child. This is not something a boy should see and learn. He needs a father who is caring and with whom he can be safe.
Your wife and you should have a serious talk about you all moving to Sweden. And as for the custody read above. Lets say his bio father is a fit father. Although, it is difficult, it is not impossible to arrange custody while being in international zones. And if the parents are adequate people, they should see benefits of it for the child as well. Not only your son will still see both parents (say, stay all summer with the father and all Christmas break or whatever other arrangement you all come up with. I have known some people who did one year in one country and one year in another - they have 50/50 custody). But the boy would also live and have benefits of being exposed to two cultures, which enriches him as a person. You CAN win such a case in court, because compared to me, you come from a very good, solid country that is very well developed and in many ways is better than the USA (I come from Eastern Europe and it is extremely hard to prove benefits for a child other than cultural exposure, because our education, economy, healthcare etc. etc. truly suck, while Sweden has a very different situation).
And lastly, here is my most important point. And don't forget I am an international just like you and going through something very similar as you. Your wife, if she loves you, should be willing to move across the World for you. Just like you did for her. You did it. You deserve someone just as brave. Yes she has a child and it complicates things. Don't get me wrong it does. But you should be able to talk to her and see that she loves you enough to at last be willing to try and do that for you just like you did for her. May be I am too idealistic, but that is what I always truly believed for myself and I still do. I do have a lot of similar issues with my husband (cultural issues and many others). But the one things I know is that when and if the time comes, he will move to my home country with me (I have a certain visa type that requires me to spend quite some time back home. Long story, but it is true). And he knew that going into it. And while he may change his mind later down the road when he actually moves with me etc. etc. he is at least willing to take that leap of faith and do it for me. To me, it matters. I am sure it matters to you too. I can tell you love her and you are struggling. I am sure she can see that you are unhappy. I am sure she thinks it is about a baby issue and some of it is. But I doubt she realizes the depths of what you are actually going through.
You all need to talk. You need to tell her that you want to move back and you want all of you to move with you and that you will be able to provide a good quality life for her and her boy over in Sweden. You need to tell her that you all need to try to either get sole custody or to try and wok out other arrangements through the court going international. You will have to go through the court and the court WILL make arrangements unless your wife and her ex husband don't make those arrangements themselves. With all that, you won't be able to move and enlist this year, because your wife will need help and encouragement with custody thing. But you all need to really make it a goal to move next year (save up some money, get the custody figured out, sell whatever needs to be sold, for you to find a place where you all will move to etc. etc). You need to get on the same page and have a plan. Together.
Lastly, you need to talk about having more children. It is a big one. If you know you REALLY want a child with her you need to tell her. And you will need to know what you will do if she insists on not having any more kids. It will be then up to you as what to do.
Good luck! I am in a different situation as I am a woman and I am expecting a child with my partner. And in many ways I feel "trapped", but you are a man, you are from a good, developed country. You only have one child to worry about and it is not your own (yet). There are still things you can do.
Keep us updated.
Well, the stepson, 9 years
Well, the stepson, 9 years old soon, visits his stepdad over the summers, and every other Christmas. This summer, it turns out that while SS was there, the dad had gotten into a drunken fight with his new/then girlfriend. During the fight he choked her. Police arrived and booked him - we managed to find and read the police report - but later, while she left him, the girlfriend dropped the charges. Which is why he's still out.
He also has a history of DUI's, alcoholism and anger management issues. Worst part is he twisted SS's mind to think the girlfriend was the badguy...
I would love for SS never to get to see that man again. It would definitely be better for him. At the time, I took thf lawyer at his word, but in hindsight... It seems we do need to go see a new lawyer.
Your post was immensely helpful and helped me better grasp the options we have. Thank you.
I will talk to my wife about these issues, especially about children. Nothing will change, after all, if I don't, and something definitely needs to change.
Another factor that has
Another factor that has started playing in in my thought process right now is the problems currently affecting my country. There is a lot of problems going on right now. On one hand, we have the immigration crisis, the massive amount of refugees that have fled Da'esh or ISIS, to Europe. Sweden has received tens of thousands of refugees. A lot of the younger lone arriving boys, as it turns out, have a penchant for crime and sexual assault similar to that which happened in Köln, Germany, during New Year's Eve.
On top of that, the Police Force in Sweden is underfunded, understaffed, overworked, and victims of a really bad reorganization process, to the point where they can't keep up with all the crime, especially with the new waves of crime, and the new tasks, that have been presented before them with the massive influx of refugees.
We also have problems with Russia being more and more hostile to the countries around it, forcing Europe to rearm their militaries, similar to the Cold War. Sweden is slow on this, even though we are one of the most exposed to the politics of our Russian neighbours. Our military is having great trouble not only with recruiting - and keeping - capable soldiers. They are also having trouble with getting enough funding from the government to do all the tasks they have been given.
Now, we're so desperate there is even talk of resurrecting the draft/military service that we had for 100 years, before it was put aside in favor of a professional army in 2010.
I read about all of this in the news, and I feel this violent surge of powerlessness. When I left, my country was doing well in the wake of the economic depression, which it had been gracefully spared from. Now, Sweden is in a great crisis on multiple fronts, a crisis that may decide which direction the country will take, for better or for worse, in the future. Part of me feels like I need to be over there and do what I can for my country.
And part of me thinks myself a moron for thinking that when I have a family to take care of here, and that should be where my responsibilities and focus should be...
Dear author , keep us updated
Dear author , keep us updated about the situation
Hey, sorry for the long
Hey, sorry for the long quiet. I've been biding my time, waiting for the right moment and think about what to say.
In the end, an email conversation spun out of control kind of became the way, unintentionally, when we were both at work.
The conclusion is that, as painful as it is, I need to go back to the Swedish Army. My wife agrees it's for the best. She's very perceptive, and though I've put up a strong face, she's seen through that for about a year, watching me grow more and more sad.
I love her so much. But I have drawn the conclusion I can't function in the civilian world. This is for the best. Much better than the alternative - me being miserable, and making my wife miserable and us growing to hate eachother.
Part of me feels a great relief. Part of me feels hollow and empty.
Thank you guys so much, once again, for all your help and support.
Well, hopefully all of you
Well, hopefully all of you will be happier in the end!