Hubs moved his mentally ill son into our home w/o talking to me
My husband and I have been married for 13 years. My child was a young teen at the time we married and lived with me so when we moved in together it was just the three of us. One summer several years ago, skids mother dropped them off at our house and decided they were not living at her house any longer. I enrolled them in school and did all the tradional mom stuff; cooking, cleaning, checking homework, etc. Everyone ate the countless dinners I prepared, happily wore the clothes I washed, and lived in a fairly clean home of 4 males and myself without one ounce of gratitude.
They've always been entitled little sh*ts and husband gave them whatever they wanted without any rules or consequences. My assistance to help raise these boys to be productive members of society was unwelcomed, so I threw my hands up and "Fine, you do it on your own".
Last May we became empty nesters, THANKFULLY! My adult child moved out of our home at the same time two of his 2 other kids (one is almost 18 and the other is over 21) moved back in with their mother. The other child moved out 6 months earlier and still expected his dad to pay his $500/month car payment and wouldn't pitch in a penny or even speak to him.
Anyway, after the skids left they never looked back. Not even to pick up their belongings or bother to clean up the rooms/bathroom they turned into what looked like the site of a nuclear bomb explosion. Since I could not stand the sight or smell of it I cleaned everything up. All of it. Again, without even a "thanks for that".
Last week, husband brought home the 22 yr old skid right after he was released from a mental institution without saying anything to me other than he's going to be living with us. ALL of his children have violent tendencies and outrageous anger issues, so of course I told him that I feared for my safety and the safety of my animals due to his mental illness. He said his mother would not allow him back home and he needed to figure out his own living situation.
This adult skid has no job, no car, no money, no desire to do anything other than keep a screen in his face when he's not walking around the house like psycho zombie talking to himself. He does not even bathe.
It's terrifying and I always keep my mace with me. I have added keyed locks to my bedroom, my office, and the rooms my foster dogs stay in.
I had a discussion with my husband about my fears and was told I was overreacting and "that's the way it's gonna be". End of discussion. He said he would take him with him when he left the house to go to work, but that only lasted one day.
He has no plan for him and it's obvious he does not care that I am so stressed that I rarely eat, get very little sleep, have some new interesting GI issues, and always have my head on a swivel.
I feel like a prisioner in my own home and I can't think clearly through the brain fog and pure anger I have inside me. I DO NOT FEEL SAFE. Have any of you experienced this and if so how did you deal with it?
Thanks for reading about my drama.
This is a hill to die on IMHO
This is a hill to die on IMHO. I was faced with a somewhat similar situation when married to my EXH.. he had a brother who was released from Prison.. and no parents to go to.. so it was decided he would live with us.. despite my objection. Fortunately.. the guy couldn't assimilate into our household.. and decided to move on before too long. your SS will not likely do that since dad is not imposing any rules or boundaries for him.
I would tell your husband that you will be moving out and remove any and all financial support for the home.. if you have a place you can go temporarily.. I would do it. or.. you can tell your husband if he wants to live with son.. THEY can find a place to live
Agree with ESMOD.
Agree with ESMOD.
Ditto.
You have a long standing problem with your ungrateful husband. He doesn't respect or appreciate you, and there also seems to be cripping communication issues as well. Get your ducks in a row, then matter of factly tell him you're moving/he's moving whatever.
Don't waste another day of your precious life suffering for other people's mistakes.
You should move out
You should move out immediately. No one should feel afraid in their own home. This is a deal breaker. While I understand his need to care for a sick child, his lack of care for your safety is alarming. There are many other things he could have done to ensure your safety & take care of his son. He could help his son find a boarding home or somewhere else to stay. He could help him sign up to receive services he needs.
It is just easier to stick his head in the sand & expect you to suck it up. Don't do so or you will be doing it forever. This kid is not going anywhere.
Contact a lawyer and find out where you stand financially.
Contact a lawyer and find out where you stand financially. Follow their advice on whether DH and SK move out or you move out. This is no way to live and you deserve better, but you need to proceed carefully so you don't hurt yourself financially if it comes to a divorce.
Oh hell no! I agree with
Oh hell no! I agree with everyone else. I'd take my dogs and leave. Strength and peace to you!
Red line for me too.
Red line for me too.
What do you want to do?
"Thats the way its going to be" Hmmmm. Oh hell not it isn't.
File an RO/PO against the violent mentally ill kid and then give DH the message that is how it is going to be. Then if daddy wants to die on the hill of "That is how it is going to be" he can do it somewhere else.
Remind him that "ALL of his children have violent tendencies and outrageous anger issues".
You nave legitimate concerns for your safety that trump asshole DH and his violent mentally unstable progeny.
Take it out of DH's hands and file for the RO/PO.
See how dipshit daddy DH likes that clarity. If DH rages, tell him to take the spawn back to mommy since mommy has played that card before when she dumped the failed family spawn on your door step "One summer several years ago" and give DH the message that his violent failed family spawn with anger issues are'nt living with you any more. Make sure to have the court's backing with the signed RO/PO. Roll up the RO/PO and beat the snot out of your idiot DH with it. Tropologically of course.
Take care of you since DH won't.
See a lawer
Make a exit plan for yourself or your DH and his DS. Can you financially afford the house stay if you can't then star looking for a nice place to live. This will never change. His kids will never live on there own. There will always be lawer bills for criminal acts his kids do.
'If you don't feel safe. Your not safe move
Living in fear like that will
Living in fear like that will compromise your own health. Speak with a lawyer and make an exit plan. And tell your DH (after the plan is in place and you are safe) that "That's the way it is."