Now we have attitude at school

SS13's attitude has been much worse lately. Monosyllabic answers. Rolling eyes. Scoffing and "what are you, stupid?" tone. Not unusual for pubescent kids, but annoying and not excused.

Today, DH got an email from one of SS's teachers to tell him he's becoming a real problem: talking, acting up, arguing back. When she corrects him or moves his seat, he rolls his eyes or scoffs at her.

I would never have done that because I wanted to live to adulthood. DH knows the attitude is an issue, but assumed it was restricted to home. (He had attitude with his parents, but was polite and perfectly behaved in public.)

Showing blatant disrespect and attitude to a teacher or anyone, really, is just -- no.

Will anything be done? I doubt it. DH has no clue what to do, so does nothing.

I recently decided to disengage, so I'm trying not to care, but... Seriously. What a brat.

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He's realizing his actions

He's realizing his actions (disrespecting people who take care of him) has no repercussions so the behavior is magnifying

What can you do? .... stipulate if it ever gets to the level he gets suspended he will be subjected to whatever appropriate disciplinary measures you enact upon him.

Unfortunately, he's been

Unfortunately, he's been suspended before. Other than having to give up electronics, there were no repercussions. He hung out in his PJs for the duration, as if it was a Saturday.

Omg that's horrible. He liked

Omg that's horrible. He liked it then. I would make him do physical work next time. Pull weeds. Help build shed. Help paint walls. Anything

I agree. But I'm staying out

I agree. But I'm staying out of it at this point. I'm tired of banging my head against the wall.

Refuse to house delinquents.

I'd scatter some pamphlets of the nearest juvenile detention center over the kitchen table and let Disney dad and feral ss see it. No conversation just subliminal (or not so subliminal) messaging

I'd act a fool act school too ... if it meant the consequence was that I could come home and chill in my room unbothered.

Disney...

That's what Disney parents do... no repercussions, no consequences, don't take the opportunity to dsicpline and teach... I would tell my SO when there were opportunities to enact some discipline on the teenbrat SSs... all I got was "You are too strict, I'm too tired, or you want me to change who I am with my kids" SMH... I give up, but now I hear complaints about SS1 or SS2 misbehaving as 19 year olds... and frustrations, worries and heartaches... I look back and say to myself... I told ya so.. you would've disciplined then, this wouldn't be happening now... got bless Snow White, Cinderella, Prince Charming and that clan of Disney "Clueless" "Spineless" Parents... poor things...

I would send teacher a side

I would send teacher a side note “Dear Teacher, thank you for reaching out, but I can assure my DH will do nothing to correct the issue as DH’s parenting skills tend to lean towards bury your head in the sand and it will go away. Might I offer some money for a spa day since you must deal with SS13 daily.”

^put it on Disneydad tab lol

Your DH is letting SS have

This attitude at home. Doing this crap to you and him. Then why not his teachers.? He getting away with it. Your DH must punishment SS for his actions. A punishment that matters. No cell phone. No electrinice. If he gets suspended from school. He gets up at 7 am clean his room, then the house. With out any electronics or screen devices. Garden work. Washing cars. The out side of the house no fun

This is exactly what I've

This is exactly what I've seen coming. I stopped warning DH because it just stressed us both. So, now I watch from the sidelines with my mouth shut.

I recommend buying a dump

I recommend buying a dump truck load of gravel, two heavy duty buckets with thin wire handles, and a shovel. He can move the pile from one side of the property to the other, and back again, over, and over, and over again, two buckets at a time. That is all he does from the time he gets home from school until he passes out exhausted at the end of his menial labor day. Afterall, kids these days rarely have homework as I understand it. Day in, day out, until everyone else gets tired. The thin wire handles are to make the carrying of the buckets brutally painful. Make the shovel a small gardening shovel so it takes as many scoops as possible to fill each bucket. It is not about efficency, it is about discomfort.

Cut off any access he has to electronics. Take his bed, put him on a thin sheet on the floor, no pillow, take the door off of his room, throw away or donate all of his clothes, and put him in donated used cover-alls purchased at the local thrift store, and a pair of cheap rubber flip flops. He can wear that to school.

Show this kid what escalating abject misery, pain, and public humiliation look like while giving him the message that he earned it, he now lives the consequences of his actions.

First is to advise the school to expel him. Make daddy deal with his rotten failed family parental failures.

I'm so tired of the "they're

I'm so tired of the "they're just a teenager" excuse!!! DH and BM use it all the time to justify SD14s AWFUL behavior. They are enabling her and she will just become even worse as an adult since they have ZERO consequences.

Teens tend to have attitude.

Teens tend to have attitude. That doesn't make it ok. It means it's not unusual -- but it's not excusable.

So DH wrote back to the

So DH wrote back to the teacher, apologizing, thanking her, assuring her he was aware of the problem and asking her to let him know if problems persist. He also forwarded her email to BM (who didn't respond -- no surprise. Her reaction to his attitude? "I'm just going to let him be him.")

There was a baseball game last night and we took separate cars. DH talked to SS about the teacher's email and SS said she had moved him that day but he didn't understand why. He didn't think he did anything wrong. I could tell when DH was telling me that he was back in Camp SS. DH's parents were super-strict and would never listen to his side on things and he tends to err too far the other way with SS. Anyway, apparently he told SS he needs to be polite and behave himself.

Do I think SS didn't know what he did wrong? Possibly. He's never called out on crappy behavior at home so he may have no idea that his attitude is rude. But I also highly doubt he was honest with DH.

DH was happy SS actually had a conversation with him (he was probably in a good mood after their win). But, once again, teachable moments go right out the window.

This morning, apparently SS was back to having the horrible attitude so maybe that will take some wind out of DH's sails.

Wait, the kid gets a

Wait, the kid gets a disciplinary letter sent home by his teacher and gets to play in a baseball game? Really?

Your DH is an idiot.

If he was my kid, his sports participation would have been immediately forfeit until the Fall and then would be considered only he walked on water and talked directly to God behaviorally speaking for the rest of this school year then all summer.

Not wanting to punish the team... really? I though he was only marginally contributing and is far from a rockstar. Maybe I am blending Skids?

I would agree, except the way

I would agree, except the way DH sees it, not playing is punishing the team. Whatever. I was more bothered that there was no consequence other than a gentle discussion in which SS defended himself unchallenged.

See.. that is a shift from

See.. that is a shift from how our parents saw it in the dark ages.

We would have not been allowed to play. Our parents would have told the coach our behavior did not warrant participation. If that meant that the team was short handed.. well.. that is something that SS should have thought about.. HE should care about his team mates and that being a jerk to a teacher was letting them down.

And.. if it happened often enough or with enough consequences for the team.. like they had to forfeit? Well.. then kick my kid off the team.. he deserves it.. and HE is letting the team down.. not DH.. the one trying to raise his kids correctly.

You may cause his team discomfort.. but your SS is the one who let them down.. and he should be the one to feel their anger and dissapointment for not showing up. because HIS actions caused this reaction.

I would agree. But try

I would agree. But try getting DH to accept that.

Also, SS's mind doesn't work that way. In eight years, I have never once heard the kid apologize. Not even a quick "sorry" for bumping into someone or dropping something. If he has any capacity for guilt and remorse, I haven't seen any sign of it.

His MO is to project blame elsewhere. As long as he doesn't get in trouble (or bad enough trouble to inconvenience him), he's good to go. And if he does, he'll be angry and bemoan the unfairness.

The new generation of parents

The new generation of parents = gentle, Disney, unlimited chances, head in the sand/denial, scared of their own kids, sl@ve to their kids, etc

I'm baffled. Really baffled.

Yeah this is a play right out

Yeah this is a play right out of my DH's list too. No actual discipline or consequences for the SDs poor behavior or plain misbehavior. It was always a "talk" or a threat of acutal consequences with no follow through - but for ONE time when a neighbor sent OSD and her own daughter back to our home b/c she found out they were to have cleaned OSD's room up first before they headed out (so it wasn't even on DH's insistence - the neighbor knew how much OSD took from him and me, she was no fool and I really liked her). DH then made OSD sit on the couch with no electronics for a period of time while he cooled off and she crieeeed. I can't even remember if her room really did get cleaned, likely not (it may have been the time she threw everything in her closet). ANYWAY - no consequences will never ever result in improved behavior, it just teaches them they can get away with it.

DH to this day wonders why OSD20 and YSD18 just "don't care" in general or only care about themselves and their opinions. Welllllll he really doesn't want to know does he? I just say, "Because they learned they can do what they want and nothing else matters." He never has a response to that.

He desperately

Needs a can of whoop ass opened up on him and a super heavy chores list.

Yep, actual assume the

Yep, actual assume the position whoop applied to his ass then dozens of weeks of moving buckets of gravel back and forth across the property by hand and foot.

The level of misery we would have lived had we gotten a letter home from school regarding inappropriate and distrespectful behavior toward a teacher would have been so epic that we would still quiver at the memory.

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Now we have attitude at school

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