I kicked out SD13s Friends...
Tell me if I'm in the wrong here...
I get home from work yesterday afternoon. I walk in and see a pile of backpacks at the bottoms of the stairs. SD is home with 3 friends up in her rooms. Girls, but still. DH is no where to be found. He is at work.
I called him. No answer.
While I'm waiting on him to return my call... they all parade downstairs into the kitchen and start to raid the pantry! I said "Hey, don't go grabbing a bunch of food to make. You need to go hang out somewhere else." They had their arms FULL of mac n cheese bowl, cookies, and a bag of blueberry muffins. WTF! They proceed to just STARE at me like "do I really have to listen to this lady." Crickets.
DH calls back. I said "did you give SD13 permission to have friends over when you knew you weren't going to be home in time?" He put it back on SD13 and claimed she only said ____ was coming over, not multiple people. I told him that wasn't the issue, but that friends were over with no adult home. I also told him that the "friends" were raiding the pantry and I told them to stop and didn't care if SD got mad. He just said "okay".
SD13 and her friends scrammed a few minutes later and walked down the street to someone else's house.
1. I think it's ridiculous that I came home to chaos and DH didn't give me ANY kind of consideration/heads up.
2. I refuse to be liable for other kids in the home. SD13 has been caught vaping and I'm not going to get in the middle of her shennanigans and DHs lack of consequences
3. If it happens again, I'm going to tell SD she has to wait until her Dad gets home and they need to leave.
I think SD13 got the hint and announced "We're getting out of here in a second. We just need to grab our stuff upstairs."
SD13s lies are totally ridiculous!! She told DH her friends were "helping her clean her room." SD13 had the window open and I'm 99.9% sure they were vaping upstairs. Why else be locked in a room with a group of people with the windows open?
Ugh, I have been disengaged from SD13 for the last few years, but I just can't stand her when I am forced to interact with her. I told DH it was unacceptable for him to put me in that position in the first place. Ridiculous! I don't care anymore if SD13 doesn't like me/hates me. The road runs two ways.
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Comments
Our rule has always been---NO
Our rule has always been---NO one outside our family is allowed in our home without an adult present. PERIOD
It protects the minor visiting kid/s and also us as home owners.
Raiding your pantry takes a lot of guts, not to mention that is bratty behavior.
Good for kicking the kids out.
You are well within your rights to tell DH--these are MY rules when your kid is in our home.
This was our rule as kids as
This was our rule as kids as well.
It sounds like her DH was told at least "one friend" was going to be over.. that should not have been allowed if no adult was present.. and the only acceptable adult is HIM.
I would be telling him.. the rule for the house will be that if your kid has friends over.. they will coordinate with YOU so YOU will be home DH. If kids show up while you are there.. nope.. if you come home and kids are there .. they leave.. SD can stay to wait for the punishment from Dad for breaking a rule.
Don't feel at all guilty. She
Don't feel at all guilty. She's testing you and will respect you more if you are consistent. Communicate the expectations (no friends over unless an adult gives permission and is present, no giving friends food without asking - both normal expectations.)
I'm so glad they up and left!
I'm so glad they up and left! I'm sure they all said "your SM is so mean" etc. but I would rather them dislike me than keep coming home to a circus!
I think you did the right
I think you did the right thing and they hopefully got the message
Stick to your guns with SD and your Dh
Your boundaries are good ones
I think they thought at first they didn't have to listen to you. But you're the adult its your house, your rules and good job establishing that you did just what you needed. If you hadn't they would continue to take advantage
So I think you’re right about
Not wanting them over when no adult was home or even more specifically DH being home since it is his daughter. I do think it is totally normal for girls that age to want to make things to eat, but as in what to eat or how much comes down to SD and taking charge of her friends.
I was allowed to have friends over all the time, but yes only with an adult present until I was almost about to graduate high school, but we made food such as cookies, cakes, etc. all the time. But it was more like my mom kept extras of these sorts of items on hand just for these occasions.
Agreed.
Agreed.
Like if you can't invite your friends over when adults are home then they definitely don't need to be over when you're not at home.
I agree with you. I think it
I agree with you. I think it's ok to have people over but ONLY with permission and agreement from the adults. And if they want snacks, then DH has to provide them or it's planned ahead of time. IF they eat all the snacks bought for the general household, I would myself not get more, then the house is out of them. Esp. if taken without agreement. However, I would likely start stocking a little more / put away extras (attic/garage?) in case this happens again (it likely will) - note that DH should be purchasing the extras, not you.
My YSD had a "troublesome friend" TF is what I called her. She would constantly sneak snacks from our cupboard when she was here and enlist YSD in this. YSD never would do it otherwise. She would take ALL the snacks at one time, like a Costco sized container of fruit rollups, or two bags of unopened chips. Even if she was just over for the day - they'd be all gone when she left, stuffed in her bag most likely for hoarding at her own home. I gave up and just stopped buying goodies since DH wouldn't monitor it while I was at work.
DH solely foots the grocery
DH solely foots the grocery bill already. I refuse!
Why else be locked in a room
Come on dogmom... we all know they were simply bird watching and needed a closer look lol
Kidding
But good for you for booting them out of there or at least demanding they come into the common areas where you can see what's going on.
Make your husband replenish the snacks on his way home from work
Motorized Web cams. Make the
Motorized Web cams. Make the cyber-eye following them around anywhere they go in the house. Of course no cams in the bedrooms or bathrooms. But... microphones to pick up any and all conversations are game on when there is a sneeky teen in the home sneeking in more sneeky teens.
They need to be under hairy eyeball and hairy ears of constant monitoring when they are unworthy of trust.