Take it t beyond a shaddow of a doubt that she will never live with you again. HS diploma or not.

The reality show of TT, FF, and PS having their harpy lair all together would be so tragically entertaining.  The family version of a bad episode of Horders only with whining, crying, screaming, yelling, and feeding the shallow and polluted gene pool entitled woe is me chorus.

Clove, I say this with love - why did you pass on her grades? I thought you were going to completely disengage from her schooling? Why invite problems? And you know as well as I do that your DH is never going to change. Please, please, do not let her move in with you once school is over. It will bring you nothing but heartache.

"Husband mentioned she and toxic troll would be 'working" on the grade situation... "

CLove, let me translate that:

Husband just told me The Artist Formerly Known as Munchkin will be living here performing the exact same level of effort she put into getting all these F's, and that when I raise any kind of question, objection, or boundary, Husband will again RAGE IN MY FACE so I can enjoy another major migraine.

"My stance will be that "if you wish to live with us fulll time, things will need to be much different. Husband will have to be different."

CLove, these leopards are not about to change into Zebra stripes. What's changed?!? You've said repeatedly you'd stop looking at & telling DH about grades... yet here you are, doing the same thing over and over and over and over. The very definition of insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results. 

• DH hasn't changed
• Tattoo [con]Artist hasn't changed
• You haven't changed

This is impacting your healrh. I fear you are future-faking YOURSELF:

"I will have boundaries in place after May ends..."

CLove, my fear for you is that these are the same boundaries & levels of disengagement you've practiced with not checking/not providing GRADES to your DH; not staying out of the Tattoo Kit delivery, etc. I am predicting your DH & BS/CPS accuser will... continue to be predictable. Triangulate. Manipulate. Delay.  Lie. Rage. Charm. Pity. Rage. Charm. Pity. Lie. Blame-shift. Accuse. Lie. Rage.

What makes you believe either of those two will suddenly have newfound respect & responsibility after May ends?

When he was about 16 or 17, he effed up.  I told him and DH that he now lives my MY rules.

The kid didn't even give us chance to give him the rules.  He stood up, called DBDB and left.  LOL   

Unfortunately, he came back when he was 20 but only for 8 months.  He will not be living with us again.

Give her the rules, you may not even have to worry about it.

At her 18 birthday, things will change.?  It will be another day.  Same old. 

In 1 month shes 18.

I will have boundaries in place after May ends, but doubt she will live with us.

My stance will be that "if you wish to live with us fulll time, things will need to be much different. Husband will have to be different. She will have to be clear that she will HAVE to abide by my rules no matter what. No arguing, no asking why, no negotiating." And if husband cannot deal then its no deal.

Why not start now? Shouldn't it have been like this the whole time? Why would the both of them care now?

I'm sorry to say I don't think they ever will

I think it's good to have boundaries. To have a limit of what is ok to deal with and what you will do if nothing changes

You have deserved this the WHOLE time is what I was trying to say. 

The problem with stances is you both (husband and wife) have to make them and he is not going to. 

I hate to see you set yourself up for more issues. Without him on board, and I don't think he will ever be on board, the SS Munchkin Emancipation is doomed to sink. 

He has no expectations of her now, what do you see changing in one month? 

Passed the 4th quarter grade reports to husband.

Clove.. why are you involved.. passing him the grades.. this is his circus and his circus alone.  I did tell you it was highly unlikely that the online would work with her.. and that it would likely tank graduation plans.. and so her 18 date will probably come and go without her graduating.

And.. you have no stance because your husband won't agree to your stance.  You can ignore her.. but she won't necessarily be moving out or adhering to your rules. 

You need to really need to open your eyes to the reality of this situation.

1.  Your husband is a horrible father and the girl's mother is no better.

2.  Your Stepchild is not thriving because her parents have had zero expectations.. and are not "thrivers" themselves.. they have not done any of the parental work to try to instill good values intheir child

3.  Your husband does not care what you think.  He will not kick his child out.  He may allow her to live with mom, but he won't agree to any of your rules.. or he will agree. .but do nothing to enforce which is the same effect.

4.  This kid is not graduating at 18 in all likelihood.. the chance for her to bring those grades up to passing is slim.  It's clear she has done even less than my own stepdaughter did with her classes.. at least my stepdaughter did the work even if it was behind schedule.. and she was intelligent enough to do it correctly when she did it.  She will most likely have to pursue summer school IN PERSON at minimum.  Clearly the online classes are not for her. (again.. I had a super smart and motivated kid.. and it was a near disaster).. 

5.  The crap thing is that there is little you can do about anything.. you can say you have a stance.. and you are steamrolled over.. it won't matter.. you can tell your husband he has to "do" something.. he will nod at you.. and do nothing.. you are a complete hostage to this crap show honestly.    I mean.. you could kick them both out.. or you could try to go full on militant and pack her room up on her birthday.. but not sure how your husband would take that.. and whether your resolve would allow you to not get pulled into it all.

sorry. i know.. this sucks.

Ma'am you seem like a nice lady but these toxic people and their bio parents are not. 
 

This man's bio kids are trifling, lazy, relationship killing, peace stealing creatures who do not deserve one second after 18 living in your home. They won't change so stay firm on your stance to reclaim your peace in home without them living there. 
 

(If I were you) You will want to have multiple conversations with your Disneyland husband and let him know off top that toxic power sulk and her toxic baggage are not welcome in your home without your express consent first as you are no longer obligated after 18 like you were for the past 18 years. 
 

Damn near 2 decades you've had to battle your husbands unchecked baggage and you will no longer battle anymore. 
 

Lmk if you need some recommendations for locksmith, steel toe boots (if anyone needs swift kick to the rear for going against you), attorneys, etc. 

If your husband thinks he will cause you strive in your home by continuing this Disneyland act which repeatedly perpetuates toxic behavior from his spawns then he risk being booted out too. 
 

Time to get FIRM since the decades long obligation is coming to an end and so should his baggage and drama .... before you end up in the throes of despair permanently ranting daily in the "adult step kid" forum. 

I don't understand passing on the grades.. Why not call the school today and remove your email address and phone number. And give them your husbands.  Remove yourself 

Why do this? Little missy gets horrible grades and they are sent to you. You have to be the one who forwards it on. It puts you in a position where you deliver this horrible news and then people make judgements on how you may or may not feel (that's how I would feel anyway)

why not remove yourself from this mess?

Why are you in the middle here?

Ok, play this out. You put your boundaries in place. They stomp all over them (past behavior is a predictor of future behavior).

THEN WHAT? Because you need that plan too. And I mean a real plan--living arrangements, financial stability, marriage options. Without that plan, you're just talking to yourself.

my marriage so obviously I and everyone else on here do not know everything, but why are you still with your DH? To me, you don't seem happy. From what you have said about your DH he is not only a good father, but not a good spouse either. I understand your reluctance especially in today's economy to be single, but to me your situation just seems like shampoo, later, rinse, and repeat. Your SD does not respect you nor does your husband and they both gas light you terribly. 

Just hate to see this repeated cycle with you that has caused you to have actual health problems because of both of their behaviors. I hope you find happiness and reduced stress no matter what you chose.

What are your options. Stay and try to enforce new rules. Husband doesn't support the rules and defends Pouty. = No change + a possibility and likelihood of more abuse 

Stay silent and walk on eggshells = no change

Or

Leave the toxic behind and live a peaceful life without manipulative and abusive people 

Shit is as shit does. PS is shit. Just like her shit mother TT, and big shit sister FF.

Leave the shit gene pool to fester to it's own devises. No more. Just... no more.

You owe that to yourself.  If you keep investing, you keep losing.

Stop that.

I get the drama addiction. I did not realize that I had that addiction until SS aged out from under the CO.  I was so ready to go to war that when there was no more war, I was at an empasse.  It took me a few years to ween myself off of the drama.  Fortunately for me, once there was no more CO, there was no more shit to confront. I then  had to shift to having SS's back while he dealth with them.  Your SD's are beyond slavage. Stop trying to salvage what they refuse to fix for themselves.

I first read the title of your OP as Home, home on the rage.

I am bored hearing you repeat the same thing over and over again... Let's see what happens when powersulks leaves high school 

He Married TT.  She is also dysfunctional.  Nothing is going to change.  Maybe SD will stay at BM, But TT what's her out of or TT  Land every now and again.  you are letting DH off to easy. You have to put him to the fire .