After 16 years of putting up with toxic SD (29 y) hate, non accepting, vicious behaviour ( she's bipolar & border line personality  I have had no contact for 4 years her choice she is now trying to engage my DH which she has claimed she hates and made his life a misery.

Good morning. So this may be long, so I'll try to section it out. 

Took the day off to see my therapist and talk through some of the feelings I’m having about SD-14 and other things going on.  Want to disengage from SD but husband think I need to keep trying. I expressed what I’ve read and advice I’ve been given from this site and he sees I need to do it for my own self preservation. Feels guilty when he’s doing something with his daughter and I’m not included. I told him not to. He wants me to at least (continue) to say hello and be nice, which I have been. My thinking is if you walk into someone’s house you say hello to them first. Maybe I’m wrong.