Mostly Off-Topic but somewhat relevant...

For anyone familiar with the Adelson murder case regarding victim Dan Markel (RIP Dan) in Florida, the jail phone calls from last month AFTER Charlie Adelson was convicted of the murder (=4th conviction after the three he paid to have his ex-brother in law Dan Markel murdered) are being published. It's like driving by a car crash - knowing you shouldn't look but unable to look away. 

We’ve all had the misfortune of toxic people in our lives. They can appear in the form of coworkers, friends, and family members. You need to either eliminate these people from your life or learn how to deal with them effectively.

Toxic people are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important or best for you. Here are several ways that toxic behavior can manifest:

I had a blowup with my mother a year ago. I realized then that the family dynamic I'd lived with all my life was bad for me and I wanted to change it after the blowup, but how do you change an entire miserable family?

My mother refused to clear the air with me -- she flat out told me she would not discuss it.

This has been an ongoing issue with ss33. He will get really close to DH when he wants/needs something then flee and not talk to DH for 6 months if DH is unable to meet a request. The entire time DH is moping and feeling bad that ss won't talk to him. Then suddenly ss reappears and needs to borrow DH's truck and all is good again like nothing ever happened.  Chase, disappear, repeat.  

My fiance settled his custody case almost a year ago with his ex, and she's trying to build a new case against him. Her ultimate goal is for the child to hate us, take the child over state lines, and have my fiance pay double in child support. The ex has to live in this state because the court determined that the child must remain here. But she's trying to build a case by texting her son when we have him things like, "remember to brush your teeth and shower," and "you're blocking my son from calling me." Really insane things.

DH asked BM about keeping the kids for President's Day. BM is notorious for not talking to us about holidays, but we asked if we could keep the kids the extra day. She told us that they actually have Friday (tomorrow) off, too, but didn't mention us getting the kids early. It must have dawned on her that we could in theory take the kids – we're not getting much of a Valentine's Day as DH is working – because she asked last minute if she could drop them off tonight and we could pick take them home after our weekend.

We get nasty messages from BM once in a while. Most messages from her are nasty, hateful rants, but we only receive them on occasion anymore. After celebrating with friends their pending new baby (friends who used to be BM’s friends but ended up only staying friends with DH), we received a message essentially blaming me for SS12’s inability to do schoolwork whether at home or in class. (We actually think someone told her we were at the baby shower she wasn’t invited to and maybe this triggered her desire to yell at DH.)

I never particularly wanted kids, but I also wasn't opposed to the concept if the timing/partner/circumstance felt right. I married my husband 3 years ago, and he has 3 kids: SD23, SS21, SD16. Within 6 months of our marriage, BM of the oldest two commmitted suicide. I met them for the first time when we flew into town the 12hrs later. It was utter chaos with gun-toting, car-stealing, hoard-cleaning, funeral-planning madness all around. When we made it through and home 2 weeks later (if that's what you can even call it...

I never realized the how damaged the relationship between SD18 and I until these past few days. She went through a very traumaic experience. One that would mess anybody's head up and I wouldn't wish it on anyone to have to experience such a bad deal. She has also in the past two years had a couple traumatic losses as well.

DH loves his DD15 and I love DH. He thinks she is wonderful in every way and I think we all feel that about about our own kids to an extent. I try to see her as he sees her. I seek out the positive traits in her and then hold onto them - sometimes desperately. She is very intelligent. She gets good grades and makes a natural leader. She is quick to defend those who are intellectually disadvantaged from being bullied. She is athletic and good at basketball. She supports her teammates and motivates them to do their best.