Ignore her. Why are you even talking to her to find out who she is calling family?

I guess I'm on the other side of this one. I'm still very close to my ex's family and don't really feel like anyone has the right to tell me I can't call them family. They became a big part of my DD's life, my SMIL and I are really close, I am still included in most family events on his dad's side and some on his mom's. Several of his family members told him that he doesn't get to bring people into their lives and then demand that they can no longer be family, especially when there are children involved.

I've kept a relationship with my ex-SIL and all of her family (mother, father, 4 sisters, 2 brothers) even though most of the past 25 years we have lived thousands of miles apart. When I go to that part of the country they all treat me like family.

But I never refer to them as "family". Note I called her my EX - SIL.

And never once have I ever so much as mentioned her name or anything about her family to my brother and his current wife. It would be very rude of me to tell my current SIL that I went to see "my family" when referring to the my brother's ex.

I can understand that this situation is uncomfortable for you. I would feel the same way. But your SIL's are continuing to have contact with BM, whether it's just a "courtesy" or not, they are keeping it going. Asking them to get involved with telling BM off, or relaying messages from you is just immature. That's going to make you look bad to DH's family in the long run.

Who cares if she refers to him as her family? She's living in la la land. Let her alone with her delusions. They affect you not. Like I said, I would be bothered if my in-laws were talking to BM in a social way. But I can't imagine saying anything other than maybe "It has come to my attention that you have been communicating with BM. While this makes me a bit uncomfortable given the issues we've had with her, I obviously can't tell you who you can or cannot talk to. I would just like to make the request that our family is not discussed." It would actually bear more weight If your DH made the request. But then you have to leave it at that, or you're going to end up looking like you are the one with the issues, not BM.

No matter what, BM is still the mother of their niece/nephew?, and grandchild. They have a history with her, and whether it's good, bad, or indifferent, it still exists. You'll score no points by acting jealous, and that's how this comes across.

Everyone else has it right. You HAVE to ignore her, no matter how hard that may be. If you don't, BM will know exactly what pisses you off, and will continue to do it. Don't give her so much power over you!! She will become bored with the games at some point and start backing off. And seriously, like I said in your last post, tell your SIL's that you don't want to know about what BM has to say. It kinda sounds like they are getting off on creating drama for you, and you don't need it.

Good luck. We don't even speak to my husbands mother anymore because of this issue. BM is a lying manipulating B*tch that's tried to f**k my husband over so many time and his mother would let her come over the house, we'd go over there and they'd be like hanging out. Don't be surprised in IL's decide to continue their relationship with her. Oh and that's fun when you like go to a family function and the dumb b*tch is sitting there with a smile on her face. We don't talk to them anymore because of it, if they want her they can have her, she is annoying as h*ll. And as for the IL's on here that still have contact with their ex DIL do you ever consider how that makes your son and your Daughter IL feel? I could never continue to have a relationship with a woman who made my son miserable. I'm sorry but that is just strange and it's wrong to me as a mother!

What BM thinks is not your business or your problem.

I consider my stepkids to be part of my family. Are they my blood? Obviously not. Does that make me love them less? No!

I love them like my family, so to me, they are my family.

Is that to say that they consider me to be part of their family? I'd put money on a big fat no.

Ripley's right on it when she said, "Each person gets their own feelings that only belong to them. Right?!"

BM in my case has bonded more than ever with the in-laws after I came into the picture. She and DH were never married. So now, DH and I have NO relationship with HIS family because they have chosen her over us. I really would have no problem with her being a part of the family, she is the mother of his children and therefore will ALWAYS have some link to them, but with us, BM gets invited to all the family functions and WE don't. For many years, this caused me a lot of sadness until my DH said the magic words that made it all go away.
"She can have my family UFR - you have ME."
That made all her pathetic clinging completely inconsequential. The in laws miss out on being a part of our lives, which is pretty magnificent. We are full of love and warmth and they get none of that.