Advice on my own step-mom??
So I would like some advice for my own situation. So my dad got remarried in his country and comes back to the U.S. and tells me he is married. No notice or anything just came back and said "hey I'm married" that's it. I was about 8 at the time. SM and I have always had problems. I now have 4 half-sisters from her. I love those girls to death. I would do absolutely anything for them. Their ages are 12, 10, 8, 6. Everything I do is what SM tells sisters not to do. My dad is a bishop in our church so because I live with BF and he has a child with something else that makes me the devil. I've finished high school, I'm going to college, no drugs or alcohol or anything of that sort. I cannot see my sisters because SM doesn't want me to. The only time I can see them is at church. This has made me loose my faith in the church so I only go to see my sisters. SM and I have tried to work things out but were ok for like a day and then things go bad again. This is deeply hurting my dad because we cannot be a "real" family. I also barely see or talk to my dad because SM gets mad so that has affected my relationship with my dad also. I put myself up for failure each time to try to see my girls. I've been trying to get them to accept that my BF and I are together even though we are not married. My mom and and BF tell me to screw them both and not try to work out anything with them and just keep seeing my sisters in church. I really really want to do that but I can't I still put myself up to get crushed by them. Anyone have any advice?
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Comments
Lots of religious
Lots of religious organizations have bishops.
I'm okay with people living together - I did before we married. But I also respect the right of others to believe otherwise. I can't force my views on others any more than they can force theirs on me.
If someone wanted to exclude me for living with my now DH out of wedlock they certainly have the right to do that.
Did both of your first
Did both of your first spouses pass away? Otherwise how could your DH ever become a Decon in the Catholic Church if either of you are divorced? Even if his first wife passed, I thought a Deacon couldn't take another wife?
Sounds like getting married
Sounds like getting married is your best shot at fixing this if you want to.
I have to say I can kind of see her point ... I would not want anyone I care about to not be respected and protected by legal marriage.
If she is devout and you are
If she is devout and you are living with someone, you can not change her opinion of you until the circumstances change. It is uncomfortable for her and her kids are influenced by you in her mind. Let her go or move out of the BF's house.
I was raised devoutly catholic and my mother freaked out when I moved in with this DH a few months before the wedding to help with the kids. I was already widowed at 34 and this was 7 years later and we were engaged with a wedding planned f months later. You can not change their beliefs you have to learn to work with them.
I agree with 10gallonhat.
I agree with 10gallonhat. You need to see this from their POV also. Like she said first off your father holds a position in his church and has and should have a standard to live by. Second, I am sure they want their daughters to be in a relationship that is in accordance to the Bible and respectable to the church and community.
I am a parent of a daughter and I get this even though I would not and have not discarded a child that had a live in relationship. As a parent you just want the VERY BEST for your children.
My suggestion would be if you are not ready to get married to withdraw discussing your relationship with BF (or BF at all) around your family especially the girls.
Try to discuss mutual things or things that are of interest to the girls. Maybe ask to go have dinner with them all after church and let the parents see you are making an effort to be a good example to the girls.
Your father holds a position so try to respect his position and act and dress appropriately around the girls.
I have a good friend that her husband is a Bishop so I know how they think.
You said you are trying to get them to ACCEPT your relationship with your bf when you know that it is against their beliefs. THAT is the problem! You want them to accept it and are probably trying to force it down their throats every time you see them. Which is never going to happen if they are strong in their beliefs.
Why don't you just ACCEPT that they believe the way they do and try to have a mutual relationship with them outside of the BF.