You said your SD is 7. My SD was 5 when I got her. I never pushed myself on her because BM would tell her "shes not your mom" and "you cant call her mom". I remember one time my SD asked me if she could call me mom shortly after I moved in with them. I sat her down and told her to call me whatever she wanted. Whatever made her comfortable. I knew I wasnt her mom and was not trying to take her place. She continued to call me by my name. I didnt hug her or coddle her the way I do my own. I regret it sincerely. I wish I would have pushed myself on her. Showering her with love even thought BM didnt want me getting too close. I was afraid to push. Now, after the birth of my daughter, I wish I would have treat SD the same as I treat her. I jumped through hoops for SD as a way of showing her and proving to her that I loved her. I did everything and probably more than a natural mother would do. Since her mother passed away, she is desperate for attention that now feels awkward because I didnt form that bond so many years ago. We feel funny when we hug or if I pat her on the back. Please do what I wish I would have done. Maybe BM's death would have been easier on all of us had I been more persistant. I coached BM on how to show affection to her children because she didnt seem to know how to but I never followed my own instruction. Funny how things work out. If I had known she was going to take her own life, I would have done things so differently. I guess my point is, you dont know what your future holds, so dont assume things will always be the same. They can change in a heartbeat and leave you wishing you would have done what your heart told you to do but your brain prevented you from doing.