id say that a totally fair a decent comment to make

life is a box of choclates you never know what your going to get (i always pick the coffe of the box what about you )

We always get SD everything she needs for school. What's frustrating is that when we try to focus on NEEDS rather than WANTS, BM steps in and supplies the WANTS. But BM doesn't pay CS or provide any needs. Yet BM is, in SD's eyes, the most awesomest ever because she'll buy the WANTS.

Example: Last school year, SD was told she needed to put covers on her books. DH and I showed SD how to make book covers out of paper grocery bags and then she would be able to color on them or whatever. SD was not satisfied with this, instead wanting to spend money to buy fabric book covers.

BM bought them for her. And here we're trying to teach SD about fiscal responsibility. Oh well.

/vent.

Anyhow, I think your BF is 100% correct. He doesn't have to do anything beyond paying CS.

But in thinking about my SD and how the whole situation usually unfolds......SD will tell BM that she doesn't have what she needs, that we don't buy her pencils, etc., in order to get BM to buy her things. BM buys it hook, line and sinker, because she loves to believe that we are neglectful. Makes her feel better I guess. So I just caution that you should be wary of believing what your SD might say about not getting what she needs from the custodial parent....

is that school supplies qualify as an "extra". uh-uh. they are a regular expected expense that should be included in the CS amount. i mean honestly, where does all this money go if the BMs are haggling for school supplies??? thats a necessity, like LUNCH...do they ask for extra money for school lunch???? my guess is no, bc that would be ridiculous. well so is extra money for school supplies.

dont give her a dime.

"Given the right reasons and the right two people, marriage is a wonderful way of experiencing your life."
~the late great George Carlin

DH stood firm on this one because he felt the same as your boyfriend. BM also was receiving an inflamed amount of child support and it really was her responsibility as the custodial parent (70/30 split parenting time).

However, I also encouraged DH to buy backpacks for the three of them while she paid for the school supplies. BM still whined about it...

Now that we have 50/50 custody we split the cost for school supplies. We pay for two, she pays for one. We still pay for the backpacks too. BUT DH's child support dropped dramatically with the change in parenting time, so we don't mind paying for these types of things. I don't mind at all spending money on the girls for the things they need directly rather than sticking it in BM's pockets where you never really know where the money is going.

So my long winded conclusion....yes, I think your BF is correct in not giving into her request/demand. It's only like $40, right? BM will get over it and your BF is setting a precedence that he won't give into her every demand, especially when it's an unfair one.

Buy SD a backpack...that's so much more fun shopping for than boring school supplies anyways.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

I'm a custodial SM too. We've bought ss's school supplies from day one even in the beginning when Bm was custodial because she didn't want to bother with them.

We don't get any CS from Bm. Never have. Never asked for any.

What aggravates me is that now, after school starts and we've already spent a ton of money on all of the specifics that ss requires, Bm will take him somewhere and insist that SHE buy him book covers or something when we've already spent the money for them. Then ss has to decide which book covers he should use. It's ridiculous.

I don't care if Bm buys some kind of supply if ss runs out of something and he happens to be at her house but she needs to quit buying repeat supplies just to make herself feel better or insert herself into the whole process.

Dawn

I am the CP and I pay for all my kids supplies and I always have. My BD7's grandparents (BF's parents) have offered to buy he stuff but way after I have all ready taken care of it. They will offer around Labor Day and school starts around her just a couple days after that. So there is not point. They did buy her a backpack for kindergarden, the kind with wheels and BD walked to school so that didn't even last until Halloween before it had holes in it and I had to replace it anyway. They have bought her tennis shoes over the years that were 2 to 4 sizes to big or just to babish - Elmo for a 1st grade girl who is into Barbie and girlie stuff like that. My momther takes all her grandkids shopping before school starts and buys each of them (5 kids) a pair of shoes or an outift. They love to hang out with grandma and grandma loves to watch the kids try stuff on.

Speaking of clothes - BD7's pateral grandma wanted to make her a dress for the 1st day of kindergarden. She discussed the size with me and I did not know what to expect. Well, I was in for the surprise of my life. She made a dress Laura Ingells would have been proud to wear. It was red ginham check, the checks getting progressively larger with each tier of the dress. The dress came down to almost my daughter's ankles and the material was so thin it required a slip. I don't know any little girls who wear slips anymore except maybe flower girls or under their confirmation dress. The dress also had this strange little bow at the waist and puffy sleeves that went plast the elbow. My daughter never wore it and I have it to her BF to hang on to since his family is big on family heirlooms. Grandma "b*tched" me out the next time she saw andf right in front of my daughter. I showed the dress to some of the people I worked with and one of the comments I got was "where's the bonnet?"

NCP BD pays for the childrens school supplies... or has in the past. The kids went to visit his mother because he was still in Texas (or Iraq) and he told his mom to buy the school supplies, and whatever wasn't bought the CP BM bought. However I never asked, or insinuated he should, or "was going to" do anything extra. BD has asked what he can do, buying some school clothes would be a HUGE help, but instead he buys things like dirtbike stuff, things that are FUN toys for dads only. Thats fair, it's his money and his time, but if he's going to ask he could take the suggestion (also then he gets a say in what the kids wear lol)
BF is right, he doesn't owe her a dime extra, however remember some things are more of a benefit to the child then the BM. She won't use the pencils or notebooks, and SD will.

~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~

ok it is not about school supplies but more about getting BD to run interference for ex to the biodad for things that should be paid for thru CS.
Fskids came over on Sunday to start their week. (biomom kept them an extra day) anyway late Sunday afternoon FSD tells her dad that she broke her charger and she needs a new one.
He is a NCP. I am like wooah wait a minute, I pulled him aside and said she has been with her mom all week and Friday and Saturday and she NOW needs to have a charger. ( I am pretty sure ex was too busy to stop and get it for her) *note sacrasm -
this girl is so irresponsible when it comes to her phone and accessories anyway.
I said first you pay support to her mom for this kinda stuff, second why did she not get it with her mom and finally FSD should pay for it since it is like the third or fourth charger she has had.
needless to say princess got her charger, it was only 5.00 but still.
sorry to steal your post but it just irks me- I just know ex told her to just ask her dad (he can hardly refuse her anything)!

"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."

You dont know if she's asking or if BM is behind it though =/ Maybe she asks dad cause she thinks she's more likely to get it from him then mom... however the kid should get an allowence or something if she's old enough to have a cell phone (or maybe NOT have a cell phone) to pay for things like that

~Light travels faster than sound, that's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!~

I totally can relate on that, supplies and more.
DH has custody of his three, BM is not required to pay CP, only required to pay insurance but when DH and I married I went ahead and put them all on my insurance since BM wasn't covering them.
So back to the supplies thing... BM in the past has bought supplies
and asked for DH to reimburse her 50%.
Which to some degree is fine, but my problem is BM does it and never comes to us first to say this is what I think, or how much to spend. BM does this with just about everything., school lunch,
I spent $20 this week you need to spend $20 the next week... yadda yadda... Then our schools now have on online monitor showing amounts on the accounts and we could clearly see BM never put $ in the account so BM had to stop.
Prom dress time she said it was "customary for mom to shop with SD for prom dress but said DH has to reimburse her. "
DH said he would pay for prom tickets, if DH is to pay for a dress than DH and I,Stepmom, would be there to pick out a dress not BM.
Again, just this month it has come up again... only if we, BD/stepmom put in $1000 for SD's car then BM would put in $1000. BM has SD come tell us of course., we just said that's not how we work, first you see what you can earn and we can match 1/2. BM always wants to tell us what we have to do and it has gotten old....