Any SMs blamed for non-visitation?
I can't stand my SDs. They are hateful, spiteful, liars, and manipulators. BUT - I can *swear* to you all that I have never even so much as spoken to them crossly.
In the 9 months that DH and I have been married, SDs have only spent the night once. He has EOW visitation. SS10 usually still comes EOW still. SDs will not EVER return DHs texts, emails, phone calls, fb messages. We haven't seen them since July (less one time when SD16 wanted money). He hasn't talked to them since September.
I actually don't care that they don't come. I am happy that they don't. It's not because I am some evil stepmom. They have done EVERYTHING in their power to try ending our relationship. They've made up stories that I can't even believe. They've hacked our fb and twitter accounts. I could go on... and on...
DH finally addressed BMs allowing SDs to stay home on his weekends. She responded by telling him that they *want* to see him. They just will not see him until I am no longer part of the picture. He has tried, on many occasions, to basically tell them that I am not going anywhere and that I am his priority. They don't care. They don't like me... because I exist and their mom doesn't like me.
I am bothered by this. He is sitting around sad... trying to brainstorm ways to make them "feel" differently. Trying to "help" them see the light. HOWEVER... when they were being the most nasty to me, he told me that if anyone ever made him choose between his wife and kids, they'd be done. What he MEANT was that I couldn't make him choose that (and I never have, for the record). BUT, now that his daughters are *trying* to make him choose, he's trying to help them feel better.
I am not suggesting that he is "done" with his daughters, but that he just put them in their place and call them out on being manipulative brats who he will no longer tolerate this behavior from. I wish he would just say: "FINE! We don't want you to come over, considering your crappy little attitudes, anyways".
Anyone else dealt with anything like this?
DH of Starla here, I think he
DH of Starla here, I think he should he should tell them "If you won't treat my wife and our union with respect, you are not welcome here."
This is the position I am taking with my own daughter under similar circumstances.
I was in a similar situation.
I was in a similar situation. When his daughter learned that I was with him on Christmas day she would not return his calls or text messages for 4 hours. Usually when I am not there at his EOW she will want to be picked up right away.He acted sad and pouted as a kid that she will not return his calls and text messages. I just could not believe that my Christmas depended on the whims of a 12 year old.
My ex fiancee never took a stance and stood up for me.Instead accused me of being jealous etc. Thanks God I am educator and work with children and everyone knows me as a very nice person with a big heart. Even at one point I questioned myself- this stuff is that crazy.
I left so that he can focus on his daughter. I had a wonderful relationship with his son ( two different BMs). His son was mature and understanding of his father building a future and career and me being in the same boat.
My solution was to leave. He reached out 11 months later but I am already on a different continent and have started a new career and currently building my life. I have no children and hope family and kids are in the cards for me.
Much love and blessings to you. Love yourself enough to tell the truth about how you feel!
Each and every time the kids
Each and every time the kids do not show for EOW visitation he needs to file a contempt complaint agaist BM. Put her ass in jail until the kids learn that there are consequences for her behavior and their own.
I have no tolerance for this kind of crap and even less for a man without enough sack to enforce his rights.
He needs to man up and make BM feel the pain for her behavior and make the kids realize that they can have a relationhip with him in a pleasant way or an extremely unpleasant way but they have no choice but to have a relationship with him one way or the other and for as long as the CO is in effect. After the CO expires he can then bring the financial stick to bear on his spawn and their BM by rewarding good behavior with support and bad behavior with absolutley nothing but advice.
e.g. One call a week and good grades gets the next semesters tuition paid. Anything less means the Skids GTAFJ and pay for it themselves. I know, not a wholely supportive way to go about it but for me I either get a return on my investment of I don't invest.
My SS knows this full well and he learned it when we yanked his butt out of his top 20 boarding schools in the US boarding school and stuck him in our local, thought best in the state, highschool with only one semester to finish three semesters worth of work to graduate on time. He had gone from honor student, high performing cadet leader to schlump when his SperrmIdiot helped him hack the school fire wall so they could WoW all night and he ended up flunking the first semester of his Sr. year. After that fiasco he had the firm understanding that he graduated on time or we would drop him off at the homeless camp under the overpass near Philly on graduation day. He knew he was in deep crap and not to try us. He graduated on time and with honors.
Your DH needs to privide his spawn with this same clarity regarding visitation and needs to bring the pain to BM for her PASing crap.
IMHO of course.
I did have an issue with my
I did have an issue with my fiance's daughter. She wanted me gone and would lie cheat, break the law, anything to get her way. You can support your SO through the grief of not seeing them but your very lucky to have a man that will make you a priority aas you should be. My SO decided that it was too difficult to stand up for himself let alone me and allowed his daughter to ruin our relationship. He said that he could not live without me and his friends told me he was in love with me beyong compare but still he was too weak to stand up for anything. Keep supporting your husband, one day his kids will see they lost something important through their selfishness or they will live the rest of their lives as selfish entitled trash.