How to deal with the lying
I know lying is a normal part of growing up, all kids do it. Sd6 has become quite the little liar. She literally lies about everything, SO has talked and talked and talked to her, she understands, she know what she says can cause people to get in trouble she lies about what goes on here, like saying she stayed the night at Mils house and Bm gets mad, when SO confronted sd about it the next w/e she was here she danced around and all sing songy said " oh I didn't mean to get you in trouble" giggle giggle. In the course of that conversation she actually broke down sobbing about how she's getting bullied by this girl, all out crying upset, found out after its a complete lie. A girl in sds family is getting bullied by a girl so sd6 took her entire story made it her own. She feels no remorse for lying. She has begun telling BM she's being spanked here, and its really hurting her and she doesn't want to come over, a complete lie no one hits her here. And then telling SO that she's drinking alcohol at bms, I have no idea why shes lying do much or why its escalated so much in the past few months. She also told this huge elaborate story to her teacher about a boy hitting her in the face and stuff, teacher actually met with bm to discuss this and when sd was asked infront of teacher and bm, she admitted she lied about it there was no boy hitting her. Anyone have any experience with liars? And how to deal?discipline ( for SO not me) we are at a loss, she KNOWS its wrong and will repeat it in a dancy sing songy way all the reasons lying is bad and how you should do it etc. but she doesn't care.
My SD (now 15) was quite the
My SD (now 15) was quite the liar and theif. She was also not doing her work in elementary school (1st or 2nd grade) and told us it was because of "Sally". Sally won't leave her alone, Sally does this, that etc. We talked to the teacher only to find it was my SD who was the problem. She was bullying kids, disregarding rules, etc.
I made her write an note to her teacher because she lied about what was happening in the classroom. Also, each time she lied she would get a spanking and be sent to bed after dinner. Worked like a charm.
People are way too concerned with kids self esteem and now we have a bunch of brats running around. We have put so much focus on them that we've taught them to only care about themselves. Some humbling and a swat to the bottom more frequently would have saved her from the problems she has today.
Take my word for it that the lies and manipulation are a precursor of things to come. My SD15 usually doesn't behave poorly for us, but does for her BM. However, she lies about us...claims that we're mean, we don't do anything with her, etc. etc. She plays the victim now for attention and if a lie helps her along, so be it. She also uses drugs, cuts herself and has an eating disorder.
By the way, her counselor said she's a normal kid with divorced parents and this will all pass.
I've found that reading some
I've found that reading some things about kids in general and what they do at different life stages has been helpful. As in some things are general kid issues, not unique to only step-kids. I thought of this only because SD was also 6 when my dislike of her peaked. So I looked up typical 6 year old behavior and discovered some of what I was finding intolerable were pretty much text-book 6 year old traits (obsession with winning and being the best, tattling, and I forget what else). I have two kids of my own who are older than her, so either I didn't remember what they were like at 6 or they weren't as bad as SD or they WERE as bad as SD and I was just too partial to them to notice. I kind of have to think she was worse than them.
Anyway, that said...getting to know what is normal for 6 year olds will help you sort out what is abnormal about her. While what you are describing fits in to 6 year old traits, it sounds like your SD's traits are taken to the extreme. Like normal 6 year old stuff multiplied 1000 times worse.
I'm so mad at what her counselor said. Normal for a Child of Divorce, my ass. If about half of all marriages end, which is a pretty well accepted statistic, then about half of all kids have divorced parents. So half of all kids get to be excused for being pathological brats? And this counselor is going to give her a green light to act like this? I think you need a more competent counselor.
Many of us on this site also have been divorced before and are BMs to "Children of Divorce". I guarantee you our kids don't act like all the horror stories of the poor, poor Children of Divorce all our skids are. I'll bet we have nieces, nephews, grandkids, neighbors, co-workers, friends, acquaintances that have been, are, or have Children of Divorce. Bet a whole lot of them are decent people. Don't let this be an excuse in your home!!