What seems at times like a rain shower, ends up being a tropical storm in this house. I'm fed up, sick of it and ready to throw in the towel. The problems is that I can't...

I've had enough of the BMs. BM1 who paid NO child support for the better part of a decade pays now crums to DH, only because I made him file for it. Crums... I'm serious. The kid is 16 and barely ever goes to his mother's house. We carry ALL of the responsibility for him. Nevertheless, since she hasn't worked EVER, she shows no income at the tax office and is therefore made to pay only a little amount. However she started working about a year ago and we know because SS16 has told us that she actually makes more money than DH (maybe a lie) but still, according to the child support calculator she should be paying double what she pays. But never mind, who can fix this? We have to wait until her tax records are updated in order to file again and get more. Guess if we have waited 10 years, we can wait a couple of months more, right?

On the other hand, BM2, who got the house when they split up (because DH is an idiot) and made hundreds of thousands off of it when she sold it and shacked up with her new bf, is now asking for more child support. She and DH had a deal in which she got the house and he only paid about 1/2 of the child support but since the deal was not in writing, she is now denying it and filed for full child support which DH cannot afford. DH also does all the driving. 25 km there and 25 km back to pick up the boys, and 25 km there and 25 km back to drop them off once a week and every other weekend. She NEVER drives them to us or picks them up. But I just found online that the law says that it is both parents' responsibility to ensure that the children get to spend time with both of them, but the parent with the better economy (she makes more money than DH) is the one who should be doing most of the driving. Now, I know she doesn't want to do ANY driving but she's gonna have to. DH is on his way over there to drop the brats off and will talk to her about it. He will explain that he cannot afford to pay more child support but if she insists, she will have to do most of the driving. We'll see how that turns out.

DH is not exactly the best person to confront her. He avoids confrontation at all costs and would most likely let her get away with anything except that he doesn't have a choice. He will get hell from me if he doesn't set her straight. Nevertheless none of this makes up for him giving her the house... I will never get over that.

Bare in mind that this money situation is on top of everything else that is happening. SS9 is a sick kid and is undergoing all sorts of therapy. I'm officially not allowed to know (because I'm not his parent) but the psychiatrists have said that if he continues the path of destruction he is in, he will most likely turn into some sort of sociopath when he becomes a teenager. Dangerous kid to have around. If you have read any of my previous blogs, he's the one who lied about me and made me lose my job, my sanity and almost destroyed my marriage.

Now, as for my marriage goes I have to say that after 2 and a half years of misery, I'm still standing here because I still love my husband. But love is not enough and at some point things just have to give in. I have given this until June next year when my residence permit becomes permanent and I can move out without having to give up my job and my life here. I am not much for ultimatums but I have told DH that I have one foot out the door and I do not intend to stay if things don't change. He has got to get a grip on his life and make a lot of changes if he wants to move forward with me. I have sacrificed everything, my family, my friends, my career and my country to be here with him. He better start making some sacrifices of his own. And don't take me wrong, he has changed a lot. He went from being a really shitty father who only cared about cuddling and spoiling his boys, to a man who actually teaches them and disciplines them and still shows them the same affection as before. He also went from doing nothing around the house, to doing most of the house work. He had much more time than I do because his work is 15 minutes away, whilst mine is an hour and 15 minutes away. He helps with dinner and cleans up around (not very deeply but better than nothing) and does the grocery shopping etc... Before, he would come home and lay on the couch and wait for me to get home and do everything. And he has gotten a stronger character. I'm not gonna say that he's a firm and determined person, but he is no longer a push-over, and we're getting there.

My current problem with him is that he has no ambition. When we got married 2 and a half years ago, we talked of course about having children. He has 3 boys already, so I knew that he was i no hurry, but what we always talked about was that when I got a stable job, we would have kids. Well, I have a really great job now. I make ok money and I feel that I'm finally getting somewhere in my career. I am stable and here in Norway all you need is to have worked for 6 months so that you can have the full benefits of motherhood (1 year paid maternity leave, all medical expenses paid, child support from the state) etc... Well, I've been working for over 2 years now. I qualify. But we still can't have a kid because we can't afford it. DH makes really crappy money and he's pretty much maxed out. If we were to have a child, the entire financial responsibility would lie on me. And I know, it isn't terrible when you get so many benefits in this country, but he wouldn't even be able to afford a bag of diapers. As it is, after he pays all his bills, he barely has money for gas. His 16-year-old who lives with us, gets NOTHING from his dad because dad can't afford it. He gets money and clothes from his grandparents, and he has small jobs doing this and that. It's a blessing, but my in-laws would scream if we were to have a child. How irresponsible would that be? Wait, so am I supposed to give up on my dream of being a mother because DH already has too many children? Sorry, no. On the other hand, We have a 3 bedroom apartment. One for us, one for SS16 and one that SS9 and SS5 share when they come over. So is the baby supposed to share a room with the psychopath-to-be and the 5-year-old from hell? Hell no!!! We would need a new place, but we cannot buy a new place because no bank would lend us the money that we need for a 4 bedroom apartment.

I know what ya'll are thinking. This is definitely not the right time to have a baby anyway. And yes, that is true. I would not bring a child into the world to live in the mess, but I would like to have the option.

So I told DH that he has to make more money. A few months ago, he applied to go to night school and finish what he once started (a long time ago) so that he can get his degree and make more money. He's still waiting to hear on that. If he gets a spot, our lives will definitely change. But in the mean time he has to get either a part time extra job, or a weekend job or something that gives him more money. We can definitely not live like this and he has to get a rocket up his butt if that's what he needs to give him ambition.

Feels like I'm dragging him with me, and I'm exhausted. I really am. I don't mind pushing him a bit so that he can be a better man, husband and father, but when I have to drag him, that's when I get the feeling that if only I cut the rope, I could fly.

1 year ladies and gentlemen. The man has got until June to sort it out. Otherwise I walk.

Sorry for what seems like a political treaty. Thanks for reading