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Vent about accountability for s/kids

phoenix410's picture

Submitted by phoenix410 on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:19pm

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General Discussion

DH just started freaking out on me because he came home from work and the s/kids' crap wasn't done and they had gone out swimming, and basically said that it was my fault because I'm home all day and should be keeping them accountable.

Do you have any idea how many times every day I remind them what they need to do, how they need to do it, no it's not done, come back and finish... all day, every f-ing day. They are 13, 11, and almost 9. I shouldn't have to hold their f-ing hands through their minimal chores, and tell them how to do everything the right way every time they have to do it. I took my son and the 11yr old swimming today, because her stuff was done, and told the other two they were welcome to come WHEN their stuff was done. They came, and when I got home, half of it wasn't done, the the other half was only half done. And yet this is MY fault?!

W. T. F.

He told me I should have stood in front of the door and kept them from leaving. Um, hello. How about personal responsibility for them? How about the expectation of obedience? No? Hm.

I freaking hate it here.

Tessa1221's picture

Submitted by Tessa1221 on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 7:13pm

I would definitely say that they aren't your kids and you've decided to become they're step mom, you didn't Have to. You wanted to outta love. He needs to appreciate you more. Let it be known. Or tell him to take care of them

phoenix410's picture

Submitted by phoenix410 on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:33pm

I wish. He kept saying "This is part of being a mom." I was like, "Um, no. You're asking for a fucking housekeeper. That's not me."

@#$%(&%$&*

ownedbypedro's picture

Submitted by ownedbypedro on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:38pm

Step Mother's Bill of Rights: (in case the lack of some of these may apply to your situation) - forgive me if you have seen this before.

1. Our marriage/partnership is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.
2. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.
3. People outside the immediate family – including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children – cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.
4. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.
5. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.
6. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.
7. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.
8. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.
9. I will never be treated as an “outsider” in my own home or abused by anybody.
10. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

Lalena75's picture

Submitted by Lalena75 on Fri, 08/03/2012 - 7:58pm

My SO being currently unemployed is home with my kids he makes sure they do their chores and if there is a problem I hold my KIDS responsible. I have the same expectations for my bios (16 and 11)regardless of being in a live in relationship or single. He chooses to co parent with me and if he chooses not to I will continue on as I was before he moved in in regards to parenting. They are my kids my choice my responsibility.
Also though SO is allowed to discipline my kids and we've had issues about him being to harsh and discussed it out of earshot of the kids, for future situations even if I think he's chosen badly I let the punishment stick as I support him.
If that were to change well I'd deal cause it's what a parent is supposed to do. He isn't bio dad, they are not his legal responsibility, he chose me not my kids I'm just glad he chooses to choose both as a package deal for now.
And that's how it should be parents set limits hold the children responsible and dole out punishments IF their SO chooses to support and co parent and it works great
However in the end it's his and his children's responsibility not yours.

sometimesmomof123kids's picture

Submitted by sometimesmomof1... on Sun, 08/05/2012 - 7:25pm

I constantly remind all 3 kids and DH to do stuff, and my nickname is "The Nag" so, that's no fun. I am currently trying to figure out how to mentally survive an in-home disengagement to avoid nagging. I don't want to do everything, can't in fact. But I don't want to remind people over 5 to do their chores or bathe or wash their hands or go to bed or brush their teeth. So if I stop nagging, my house will get worse before it gets better. IF it gets better. I am afraid to actually do it, lol...