I'm not the only one that sees it...
Last weekend, we went out of town to visit my husband's mother and stepfather. Like always, we have to take SD11 since she's a part of their family. (Oh, to take a trip without her!) When we get to their home, my mother in law goes through the bag her mother packed for her and realizes everything inside it is wet. They packed a soaking wet swim cover so all of her clothes were disgusting. We think it's because mother-in-law always buys her new clothes when the send her with nothing. I'd check the bags, but we picked her up on our way out of town and I just don't think mommy mode with her.
Then , through out the whole weekend SD11 has her dirty little mouth like always. She's either trying to be a smart ass, lying to you, or ignoring you when you talk to her. It's so disgusting it makes me want to smack her! I've never met a kid with such little manners. She never says please or thank you for anything and expects it all to be handed over to her on a silver platter.
Later my mother-in-law just goes off "Her mother has ruined her! She's become a horrible kid because of all the crap her mother does and says to her! She has so much potential , but she does nothing good with it!"
It made me feel a bit relieved that I wasn't the only person that felt like this. I think it's pretty awful when you own family thinks this about you. She just doesn't act right.
It didn't help either that my mother-in-law took her home with her 8 hours away from where we live (they have a house they retire in near us where we visit) and after two days SD11 was crying and throwing a fit to go home. Her mother was calling her every night telling her how much she missed her , how depressed she was without her , and that when she came back Friday they wouldn't have any time together because of camp. My mother-in-law got so pissed she took her home the next day.
I blame her mom for most of how she acts, but it still doesn't justify how much it makes the rest of us suffer.
Read up on parental
Read up on parental alienation syndrome and google Dr. Richard Warshak. His website has great resources for parents AND kids who are victims of this. Consider purchasing some books for DH and "Welcome Back Pluto" for SD.
Sounds like some good stuff,
Sounds like some good stuff, but I don't really get a say so in my SD's life. My husband always tells me that she is not my child and I shouldn't worry about how to raise her. He says we have our daughter now and that's the child that I can raise the way I feel she should be.
In a way , I think his actions make it harder for our relationship. I don't feel like making the effort anymore because I don't see a point. I truly feel like the babysitter for 4 days out of a month.
I do think that the PAS is something that may apply. Her mother has always been jealous of our life because she's still in love with my husband. Even though I met him almost 2 years after the divorce, she still blames me for the reason they aren't close anymore. She smothers her daughter because she feels like she's the only person she has to the point that she scares off any men that consider dating. SD is 11 and they still sleep together and bathe together. My SD never wants to marry and wants to live with her mother forever so her mom won't be alone. They also pray together that they will die at the same time so they will never be separated. It's disgusting.
I agree with Step Mom who
I agree with Step Mom who posted above. Disengage completely from the girl. You might be pleasantly surprised at the girls reaction. But either way you can stop receiving the back talk and other insults.
Your instincts to mother will have to be smothered but once you see how much better you feel I think that will become easier and easier.
Meanwhile read this:
http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html
I have pretty much
I have pretty much disengaged. I hardly have anything to do with her anymore. Most of the time it's easy, but when we have to go on these little forced family functions , I have to do more with her. Her dad does everything when we have her on the weekends. Mainly, I just roll my eyes and get disgusted with her reactions to other people.
The part that gets me upset , is sometimes I feel like she may really like me. She's always trying to call me mom ... but I don't understand why she does this! We are not close at all. I tried to be, but after all the disrespect and ungrateful attitude, I quit giving a shit about three years ago.
And with her dad, it's not that he doesn't want me to not help her because I'm not her parent. We tried so much to teach her manners and stuff and try to show her the right way , but after two weeks , she was just as bad as ever when she came back. He's kinda just shrugged off how she acts and keeps hoping that maybe she will grow into her own person one day and not be controlled by her mother. She really is a smart kid ... just really twisted and spoiled.