SD has a few chores that she has picked out to do around the house when she stays with us, one of them being loading and unloading our dishwasher every day. Last night, while SO was taking a shower, SD was taking care of the dishwasher and was slowly - a sloth could have done it quicker than she - loading the dishwasher with dirty dishes. She was purposefully taking her time because there were dirty things she was not sure about putting in the dishwasher and there were clean things she wasn't sure of where they belonged. And, she was waiting for SO to get out of the shower so she could ask him for help.

A couple of times, she came out into the living room and asked me if her dad was out of the shower yet, and, when I would tell her "nope, he's still showering", she would retreat back into the kitchen. After the second time, I called her back out and asked her if she needed something. She said, yea, she had a few questions about things that she was unsure of and that she would just wait until her dad got out of the shower. I know some might really enjoy a skid that doesn't ask them for help on anything, but, I also have to spend the weekends with this girl while her dad either works or sleeps, so, it'd be nice to know that if she needed something she would feel comfortable asking rather than waiting for SO to wake up and bombard him with a bounty of requests before he has his coffee. So I said "Listen, SD, if you need help with something in there, you can ask me, you know. Just because your dad is the one that put the kitchen together and is the one that does the cooking doesn't mean that I don't know where anything goes. Some things might elude my knowledge, but, I'm sure we can figure it out. All you really have to do is ask and say 'Hey, AtMC, can you come in the kitchen and help me figure out where something goes, please?'"

Rather than asking, she went back into the kitchen. I called her back out and reasserted that, really, it was never a hassle to ask me if she needed help with something and that all she had to do was ask. Yes, I pushed the point, maybe I shouldn't have, I don't know, but, I do know that it bugs me that she can be up her dad's butt asking him for so many things and, the moment she's alone in a room with me, she can't even ask for something, let alone say more than two sentences to me.

She then finally asked me to come help, so, I got up and went into the kitchen with her and, as it turns out, they really weren't questions that needed to wait for SO after all. So, I decided that she and I should have a little chat. I started off by telling her that it is great that she is comfortable asking her dad for stuff (especially because this is a kid who barely talks to him when she's home with GUBM, and, it's mostly because GUBM is up in her business when she talks to him - this part, I did not bring up with her) but that it would be great, too, if she could feel comfortable asking me or even just talking to me, as well. I told her that, if there's ever anything that needs to be addressed when it is just us two hanging around, that, it is better to let me know and see if I can help rather than just wait for SO to wake up and heap everything on to him.

We had a nice little heart-to-heart where I assured her that, no matter what she has to say, none of us will judge her for her opinions or for what she needs help with. We addressed some of the issues where it seems like I shouldn't be around when it's just us - I told her that, when she runs to her dad for everything and doesn't "bother" me when it's just us, it seems like she'd rather not interact with me and that it seems silly for me to hang out with her on the weekends as a result. She apologized (wow) without being asked to do so (double wow) and said that she's just used to keeping to herself at home because of her mom. She went on to explain that the most interaction she has with her mom is uselessly idle chit-chat and when her mom commands her to help with something and then leaves SD to do it while GUBM goes off and does anything else. If she needs help with something, she usually asks GUBM's boyfriend, the satan spawn. So, basically, she's grown accustomed to not "bothering" the female in the household and heaping all of her needs onto the male of the household. She has a weird dynamic at home. I told her that it's understandable because it's a habitual way of behaving, but, that, she can always feel free to talk to me or ask me if she needs something (of course, if she's coming off of a brat-bender, that's a different story haha). I also told her that I, too, was a quiet kid who kept to myself and read a lot growing up, especially when I was her age.

As an aside, that's one of the things that has frustrated me for so long with SD. She and I have so much in common - we both have less than stellar mom's who are kind of assy to us, we're both introverted bookworms, and are both more comfortable being by ourselves and doing our own thing than imposing on others. Aside from that, the list of commonalities is far longer and too much to list here without getting completely off-topic.

In all, I think the conversation went really well with her. I felt the chasm between us close a little bit and she opened up and started chatting with me about some of the things at home that bother her. I tried my best not to encourage her to bad-mouth GUBM, but, truthfully, this kid goes to counseling frequently to talk about just that, and, she might not feel like she has an outlet for it while she's here outside of writing. So, I figure the best I can offer right now is just to listen to her when she brings it up. I'm still torn as to whether or not I should validate her feelings about it by letting her know that my own relationship with my mom was assy when I was her age. Is that a bad idea? I don't really know. The counselor didn't really say one way or another when I asked her.

It just sucks that our biggest commonality is an assy mom because I want so bad for her to know how much I understand that. I also want for her to know that it can get better in time - though with GUBM, it might not because GUBM thinks she's perfect *eyeroll*. She also kept chatting with me last night when we were around each other and, today, she's been much more communicative talking about whatever comes to mind. So, I'm hoping for more progress as the visit continues.

Now, we just gotta work on her less than desirable habits - her gross table manners, her occasional snot-ass attitude, and her suck-ass pout face when she gets corrected. But, those are minor compared to the lack of interaction.