We take a lot of pictures to help us remember different things we have done. A lot of times I forget until I see the pictures again then there is proof, that see, we had fun together-!

"Fortune favors the brave" - Virgil

When something funny happens, when my SS says something really cute and funny, we repeat it laughingly and lovingly until it becomes a family joke. We have lots of those and it helps create a family culture -- my skids love it!

We also do family meals/recipes -- I love to cook and make up dishes, and my kids have favorite ones that they clamor for. I finally sat down and started a little cookbook of "family feasts," and the kids contribute their own recipes

The two above suggestions are also things we focus on heavily. Great suggestions!

end of child rearing. I think this suggestion is great for women with young steps, but stick a fork in me, I'm done! My kids are grown, he has one 16 year old-----that's almost done.

Our contact with the older ones is usually for dinner or holidays & those are usually great.

I guess you could say I've gotten a lot wiser about choosing my battles with everyone. The children were small when I married their dad, now they are almost adults. The BM was a raving psychopath when I married her ex-husband, but now she's distant and tolerable. But the biggest change has been in myself, because I have chosen to alter my perspective to assure my own happiness. If it doesn't directly impact ME, then I don't give a crap. DH is retired military... he's more than capable of fighting his own battles and doesn't need me interfering in his stupid little wars with his ex. If/when I am impacted personally, then I get involved, but basically, if it has to do with his kids or his ex-wife, then it's his bailiwick. I don't jump up on my soapbox as much as I used to over stupid little things like switching weekends or whether or not DH reimbursed her for a three dollar prescription. If I'm not impacted, then I stay out of it. It's not my fight. Besides, DH has learned over the years how to milk the desired response out of her, so I let him play the game his way. As long as everyone's happy, does it really matter if I think it's "fair" or not? Nope! I accept that sometimes life is not fair and I make the best out of the situation in which I find myself. I don't begrudge my husband or his children a relationship with one another, I try to facilitate that as much as possible, but otherwise, I stay out of it. DH tells me what I need to know, asks my advice if he's not sure what to do about something and doesn't burden me with anything that's not my responsibility. His ex-wife hated me in the beginning for being too involved. Then she hated me for not being involved enough. Now? Now I have no idea how she feels about me and I really don't care. I don't rise to her bait anymore and it's been a pretty pleasant experience ever since I stopped trying to defend myself to someone who's hellbent on hating me no matter what. With the skids, I treat them as I would my own and include them as much as possible. If they respond, great. If not, life goes on. I just refuse to fight and that has made all the difference in my family.

♥ Georgia ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)

I think one of the worst and yet common mistakes newly blended families make it to spend a lot of time divided along family lines. Like when the dad goes off and spends a lot of time with his kids, and the mom goes off and spends time with hers. Imo, that sends the wrong message to the kids. It says, "we are two families living under one roof." I think its best for the focus to be on whole family activities and for parents to limit the time spent focusing on only your own children. At least and especially for the first few years, until the major kinks get worked out.

My suggestion is to focus on whole family activities, and for all children to get to spend one on one time with each parent in the house equally.

I also advocate getting to know your sk's as individuals and making an authentic relationship with them early on, to the extent possible.

And I agree with pp's about making familiy traditions. That is important, too.

When DH and I married we incorperated the children in the actual ceremony. He asked bioson for my hand. from day one we approached issues as a family. We both treat the children with respect and love. The children, in turn, are expected to do the same. We do things as a family. On days when he has to work late, I do things with the kids just as I would if he were home. Thursday was such a pretty day I took all the kids to the river after school. We stopped by subway, took some sandwiches and waded in the water by the rocks. Granted bioson was allowed to be more adventuresome (he can swim and is 5 years older). We stayed until the mosquitos started biting me. When we left all the kids were like... can we do this again next Thursday?!?!? Mondays little girl has Cheer, Tuesdays are open, Wednesdays there is church, and Thursdays bio had guitar lessons, but those are done until september and DH works late. Last Tuesday DH and the kids made me a surprise birthday dinner... DH made the cake, bio played happy birthday on the guitar, little man made cards, little girl made banners and decorations. These are the memories that will last. We are no different than any other family except Dh isn't bio's daddy and I am not little man & little girl's momma. There are issues with behavior, we deal with them as a family. DH backs me up and I back him up. It isn't about those aren't my kids... it is about those are our kids. I had a step momma and a step daddy growing up. My step momma treated me just like one of hers, I respect that. My step dad... that was a different story... he tolerated my brother and was not very fatherly toward me. I want to be the best momma I can, I don't differientate between bio and step. The kids see that and respect us and each other as family.